


Queerdo's Manual to Love and Highschool

by boifromthemoon



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Alternate Universe - Sports, Corny, Dating, Developing Relationship, Drama & Romance, Emotions, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Formerly named....Underneath your mask Underneath your clothes, Friendship, General Queer Disasters, Hook-Up, Implied Relationships, Isolation, Jock Adora (She-Ra), Lesbian Disaster Adora (She-Ra), Lust, Mutual Pining, Original Character(s), Other, Other trans characters too duh, Pining, Platonic Relationships, Queer Character, Queer Themes, References to Depression, Renamed this fic after 15 chapters, Romance, Sarcasm, Self-Reflection, Silly, Steamy more than smutty, There is a queer squad, Trans Character, Trans Rogellio, Underage Drinking, Underage Substance Use, Useless Lesbians, different relationship dynamics then in the show, fluff for days, long form?, misfit catra, side character relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:47:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 59,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26726932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boifromthemoon/pseuds/boifromthemoon
Summary: Adora was still staring, and it felt like her eyes were burning holes in Catra’s face, it was starting to get a liiiittle uncomfortable. Catra was already sweating in the skin-tight leather and combat boots, and her tight red tank top was almost soaked. Adora also looked almost hungry, no...angry?Yes, angry.Catra felt a growing sense of dread. They really didn’t know each other well, but Catra was gradually admitting that she actually might care about what Adora thought of her. Like, a lot.She started to wonder how long Adora had been watching her….Oh shit.ORWhat happens when stylish, queer misfit Catra has to work on a group project with quirky soccer star Adora?Catra has a thing for jocks, Adora has a thing for girls who don't give a damn. It takes a lot for Adora to admit she might have a crush on someone, and it takes even more for Catra to even believe in herself.To make matters worse, both of them are convinced they are awkward, inexperienced losers.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Catra/Lonnie (She-ra), Catra/Scorpia (She-Ra)
Comments: 73
Kudos: 136





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Fan Requests](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26566483) by [the_things_nobody_asks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_things_nobody_asks/pseuds/the_things_nobody_asks). 



> Sex, drugs, rock n' roll and long walks on the beach?  
> More like trials and tribulations of being confused teen. Who has it figured out? Not these kids.
> 
> Here's a fic if you want to explore deep friendships, awkward crushes, and adventures in communication with a lot of sarcasm and sensitivity. A peek into being young teen queers in a big wide world, staring our beloved cast of characters. You can expect self discovery, fluff, ridiculous families, and EVERYONE learning how to be a friend. 
> 
> Read this if you want an AU that goes deeper into family dynamics of some of our secondary characters too - I've made some very special adjustments...especially if you love old lesbians and dashing trans folks. I got some special treats for you!
> 
> As a side note, after the first chapter, things get more quirky, interesting, and heartfelt between many characters. And dare i say, the quality of the story and writing gets much better the further you get since I was still settling into the direction of the story for the first 6 chapters or so. Sorry ya'll (:^)  
> I really wanted to start a scene in with Catra in a ridiculous, scandalous situation in an alcohol soaked party, but it doesn't hold for the rest of the fic. 
> 
> A CW for :  
> -Underage drinking  
> -Thoughts of drug usage (not much)  
> -Discussions of depression : mostly seasonal, as well as related to coming out as trans and having a difficult time with family (but getting friend support).
> 
> This fic used to be called "Underneath your mask, Underneath your clothes." due to thinking I was about to write smut instead of complicated dialogue and more interesting interactions. 
> 
> Xoxo enjoy!

_**NOW.** _

_**\---** _

How she got here, she really couldn’t recall. 

Well, that was bullshit, she remembered everything in perfect detail - all that aggravated pent up energy needed an outlet _._ But _why_ she got here, pushed up against a wall with this dumb boy’s hand moving down her back, tongue on her neck, suddenly felt impossible to recollect. Jesus, she even like dudes. _Pretend it’s a girl, pretend it’s a girl, pretend it’s Adora--_

_\- oh shit WHAT?_

Wait...she did _not_ just have that thought. Oh god. She promised herself no more Adora fantasies - that was a commitment she managed to break since the second she made it. 

Catra groaned inwardly as Jerry - _no, Jared? Jasper? Ugh what is this quarterback’s name?!_ \- started to grind his hips into her’s. Yup, she was gonna end this bullshit now. She could feel the wall pulse with the beat from speakers on the other side. His kissing rhythm was totally off, that’s for sure. Catra was growing increasingly angry with the situation, which she obviously created out of her own self destructive impulses. The air in the room was muggy, her thin tank top was sicky, she was angrily drunk, and suddenly regretted her plan to slink off from Scorpia and Lonnie to find a random guy to use as an adrenalin rush. It seemed thrilling a mere 5 minutes ago when she lead him into the closet and threw him against the wall by the collar of his bomber jacket. 

Now? _Ugh_. The high faded and all she had muscular man-baby getting a hard-on while pawing her ass. Dammit. _Why did I do this?_ It wasn’t like she needed further proof she wasn’t into guys. 

He pressed his whole body up against hers. Time was up. Fuck this, I didn’t sneak out of the house for a clumsy gropy hook up. Especially not with some cis-bro jock. 

“Off. _Now_.” Catra shoved his body, and he stumbled drunkenly backward, almost tripping over a crate on the floor. She relished the rush of power she felt.

“Huh?! What the - ” Jasper gaped, his dazed eyes widening with anger. 

“Bye Jared, have a nice time jerking off.” Catra said smoothly as she sauntered out the door. 

“- ucking TEASE! ” she heard Jerry bellow. She smirked as she looked over the sea of sweating bodies, bumping and grinding across the massive basement. 

As Catra wound her way through the girating crowd, she could feel the stares tracing over her body. Her eyes flashed dangerously but she smiled inwardly - it wasn’t everyday that she busted out the tight leather pants, and without fail, they drew in the attention of any onlooker with a libido. It filled her with a delicious sense of power. _If only the feeling lasted,_ she thought ruefully.

As she passed by the boys JV soccer team she could practically hear their thoughts - in fact a few of them absentmindedly readjusted. _Ew_. She threw a salacious wink at the head cheerleader who was having a hard time taking her eyes off Catra’s chest, and the girl immediately blushed and (unsuccessfully) turned her attention back on her oblivious boyfriend, eyes still half on Catra. _Heh_. She blew a kiss as a final touch. Catra smirked at she shoved through the sweaty bodies and finally caught site of Scorpia’s white bleached hair. 

Catra finally burst through the crowd and Lonnie's short, muscular frame came into view dwarfed by Scorpia's broad figure. Light glanced off their faces as they stood a bit awkwardly at the edge of the dancefloor, fidgeting with their cups. Lonnie was doing her best to present a cool, unapproachable vibe but Catra could tell from her hunched shoulders that she was feeling overwhelmed from the crowd, clearly expecting something to happen. Her demin vest hung over the black t-shirt from one of her favorite metal bands. Combined with her black boots, it was a classic Lonnie outfit for "don't fuckin talk to me." She had tied her dreads up in a small top knot which drew attention to her square jaw and green eyes. She broke into a wide, wicked grin when Catra reached them. 

“CATRA, tell me that I did **not** just see you drag some bro into that broom closet!” Lonnie cackled.

“Ugh...shut up dumb dyke.” Catra grumbled back. Lonnie only laughed harder. 

“Like you’re one to talk!!” Lonnie snorted, slapping her knee. It was true. She had little ground to stand on. Catra mumbled in agreement. Whatever. 

"Catra, you don't need to be homophobic," Scorpia looked at her earnestly, concern etched on her sharp features. "Lonnie, are you okay?" She fixed Lonnie with her most nurturing look, and tenderly touched her shoulder. Being the giant, buff friend-mom that she was, Scorpia was leaning down in order to get a good look at Lonnie's face, effectively breaking any previous personal space bubble that had been established. She had been nervously shifting from foot to foot most of the night, sweating up a storm in her little plaid button-down that looked like it came from the Old Navy summer catalogue, so having a focus for her energy was probably just what she needed. The shirt was an interesting choice for a dark basement party, but Scorpia literally never went out, so Catra had to admit that it was sort of endearing.

Catra facepalmed. Lonnie was doubled over with laughter and crying. 

"Scorpia," Catra said through gritted teeth "It was a term of _endearment_. Because, _ya know_ , we're _all_ a bunch of homos."

Well, the _‘bro experiment’_ impulse had flared quickly and died faster, so the night was young and there was plenty of room for more mistakes. Catra was feeling rather reckless and antsy this evening. Things at home had been even worse lately, her mom was outright belligerent the past few days and - _oh right -_ the house nearly came apart at the seams. Like, actually. Catra missed the entire last week of school because of Weaver’s antics, and she was looking for all the distractions she could get her hands on. She was grateful that she had Scorpia and Lonnie here to have her back, that they had sacrificed their Saturday nights to come to a party they would usually avoid at all costs. At least they could dip if nothing else happened. Catra could already feel the alcohol wearing off, her mood slowly descending into the usual pit of gloom.

She sighed, and fanned herself with her hand, looking around the poorly lit room for something (or someone?) to do, when she locked eyes with none other than Adora Gray.

Those piercing bright blue eyes she had come to admire over the past month. Yup, there was Adora, statuesque as ever. She was like a beacon - _a big, sexy beacon_ \- in this dark, musky room. Her hair glowed in the dim light. Her tight white t-shirt with red stripes on the sleeves showed off her ripped arms and broad shoulders. Sweat glistened on her brow. She was wearing fit black pants and high, chunky red sneakers with white stripes. Catra’s mouth went dry. 

Tonight Adora looked tastier than usual, if that was even possible. Catra thought back to just last Friday - the last time she saw Adora was when she was hoisted on the shoulders of her teammates; when she had thrown that cocky wink right in Catra’s open-mouthed stare. _Oh right, and she flexed her muscles at Catra_. _That_ was an unforgettable moment. Catra flushed thinking about it. It felt like a freakin' month ago. 

Catra watched Adora drag her eyes over tonight's outfit. Her eyebrows twitched. _Fuck yeah, it was a good night for the leather pants._ She wished she picked a better shirt, but this one did a fine job to show off her chest. Cut just low enough for a double take. Adora visibly gulped when Catra gave her a wry smile. 

Adora was still staring, and it felt like her eyes were burning holes in Catra’s face, it was starting to get a little uncomfortable. Catra was already sweating in the skin-tight leather and combat boots, and her tight red tank top was almost soaked with sweat. Adora also looked almost hungry, no...angry?

Yes, angry.

Wait, Adora was really looking at her, right? Or was it a trick of the light. 

Catra felt a sense of dread building. They really didn’t know each other well, but Catra was gradually admitting that she actually might care about what Adora thought of her. Like, a lot. 

Why so angry?

Catra started to wonder how long Adora had been watching her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How did Catra and Adora meet?  
> A bit of back story to get us started. 
> 
> We go far back into Catra's life for some explanations, and then we hop into highschool, before the present moment at the club.

_**THEN**_.

\----

Catra would never be caught admitting that she had a thing for jocks. 

It was all conceptual of course...most of their actual meathead personalities were repulsive, but...

Something about uniforms...and sweating….oof. It really got her. She discovered this the summer before 8th grade, when she dragged herself out to to her friend’s football tryouts to support them or whatever. Lonnie and Scorpia were already going to ace it and make the team, but they both wanted her to come. Scorpia was feeling needy and Lonnie wanted Catra to " _witness her excellence in beast mode_ " , so Catra parked herself on the bleachers, preparing to heckle whoever ran close enough to her seat. 

But something happened when Catra watched them on the field. It was like her chest got tight and hurt a little bit, her insides squeezed and heat and pressure pooled in her belly and down _there._ It felt weird, like something important was about to happen. But all that happened was a rush of saliva to her mouth as she watched all those legs in running shorts doing drills across the field. Yeah. Girls were pretty cool. The jersey fit was...nice.

And damn, those jerseys and shorts looked good on Lonnie and Scorpia and...all the other girls on the field. _Gulp_.

They were tight, and showed off everyone’s shoulders and muscles and curves and edges. Catra just really liked bodies, and loved the colors of the jerseys, ya know? Normal? Totally. And sweating bodies...running bodies...flexed muscles...

Okay, so maybe she thought it was more than cool and nice. Was it weird to look at her friends (and a massive group of girls) like that? Was something wrong with her? Was it creepy? _I feel creepy as fuck._

Those were questions that she decided to come back to.

She wound up in a great mood after watching 3 hours of tryouts, which her friends found deeply shocking and hilarious. She congratulated Lonnie and Scorpia on making the team ( _“Just barely, but like...good job._ ”), because she was _actually_ really proud of them. They all got milkshakes, Catra and Lonnie roasted each other until Scorpia cried, and then they all went to the mall to throw stuff in the fountain. It was a good day in all respects. 

Back at home, Catra slid in the shower and spent the rest of the evening under the hot steam, blissfully letting her mind wander back to all those muscled thighs and uniforms. She was gonna sleep well tonight.

So yeah, jocks. She had a thing. 

\-----

_**5 WEEKS EARLIER.** _

\----

Maybe that’s why it was so incredibly delightful to pick, prod, and rile up Adora Gray during History class. They never had a face-to-face interaction throughout the 3 years of middle, and 2 years of high school they had together, and it made sense. They were in different social universes, and Catra would have never independently sought Adora out. Too entitled and too wrapped up in popularity. Or, so she thought.

But Catra made a thrilling discovery. 

It all began when they were assigned to a group project. Adora was so run-of-the-mill, poster child goody-two-shoes. She was blonde. Catra hated blondes on principle ( despite her track record of crushes of course). She had sharp blue eyes like a perfect Barbie or some shit. Her skin was smooth and sorta tanned, but she was clearly SPF 15 material. And _of course_ she carried sunscreen with her. She was fit, toned, and solid, and was usually wearing some stupid compression shirt and jogger pants along with her Varsity letterman Jacket.

 _So_ basic. _So_ hot. So fucking hot. Ugh.

Turns out, Adora was, in fact a human being with depth and substance and worth some of Catra's attention. She also wasn't as stuck up as Catra expected, and that was...refreshing. Oh, and Adora was _unbelievably_ easy to irritate. So gullible. It was astounding. Catra _actually_ found herself looking forward to her final class of the day. She was simply thriving in the competition and excitement that sparked when they were together. 

Whenever they were near each other, Catra was caught between her thrilling power trip and ferocious self-consciousness. She convinced herself that unless she hid her obvious attraction, it would be crystal-clear transparent. So naturally, she dove into her go-to for any situation. 

She took joy in the small pleasures of working together – intentionally knocking things over, botching their group notes, subtly invading Adora's personal space, and providing a constant stream of unwanted commentary under her breath but loud enough for Adora to hear. Pretty soon Catra was an expert at pushing Adora’s buttons until she was on her final, fragile nerve. Adora always took the bait. It never ceased to put Catra in a good mood, even on her lowest days. 

"Heyyy Adora...wow. Did you do something different with your hair today? I _love_ that look on you." she whispered. Adora's eyes were glued to her desk, a muscle twitched in her jaw. They both knew it was the same ponytail - _even the same hair tie_ \- that she sported every day. 

And damn, that girl was cute when she was flustered. A muscle in her (perfect) neck would twitch, her grey blue eyes flared, a sheen of sweat would show up above her (delicious looking) lips. Catra just wanted to reach out and tug her shiny hair. 

Also, Adora was actually pretty funny and sharp when she wasn’t flustered beyond measure. Eventually she got on Catra’s level and was shooting out comebacks before Catra could even finish her sentence. Swoon.

 _Oh, the woes of group work._ She couldn't decide if it was good fortune or bad luck to be trapped in this situation with Adora.

Either way, Catra definitely had some Grade-A, pre-bedtime daydreams ahead of her this semester. 

Oh, _yes indeed._

\---

_**3 WEEKS EARLIER.** _

\----

If there was one thing that annoyed Adora more than complaining, it was a complete dismissal of other people's feelings. A combo of the two set up nightmarish conditions for her temper. Top that with constant teasing, and she was a fuming pile of nerves. Which is exactly why every history class she felt like she was about to blow a fucking fuse. 

Each final period of the day she was greeted with a sly, raspy “Heeeey Adoraaa,” and a wicked little smirk. It just got her blood pumping right off the bat. 

Being in a group with Catra Weaver had, at first seemed exciting. Enticing. Adora sometimes saw her around campus, and thought that she looked cool, edgy, and had some really interesting styles. 

Objectively, Catra was cute.

No, pretty.

Okay, beautiful. Totally not her type at all, but she did look…interesting. Adora always that it was interesting when girls didn’t give a damn about what other people thought of them. It was cool when girls skateboarded, rode bikes, and motorcycles. And Catra did those things. (Okay, it was probably a moped, but it looked enough like a motorcycle to Adora).

And she also thought it was cool when girls wore leather jackets, or baggy shirts, or combat boots, or sneakers, or backwards hats, or loose jeans, or ripped jeans - yeah it was pretty hot. No, interesting.

_Just very, very interesting._

Yeah, Catra was interesting. 

_Okay, so maybe she might be my type._

Or so Adora thought until the first 15 minutes of their first group meeting, when her eagerness went up in flames and was replaced with, well, _flames_. Adora discovered that this girl was near impossible to deal with. It was beyond disappointing. It actually seemed to trigger a wild set of feelings Adora rarely experienced and barely knew how to control.

She had a lashing sense of humor and she brooded and sulked when she was in a bad mood. For some reason, she was hell-bent on getting a rise out of Adora, an art which she all but mastered at by week 3 of class. She seemed to have a bottomless well of immature comments and total disregard for socially appropriate behavior.

Working with Catra for the past 3 weeks was like a mental exercise in restraint and patience - neither of which Adora had much. An exercise not to scream or cry out of pure frustration. A challenge in impulse control. An exercise _not_ to take the bait (she _really_ had to work on that one). She tried the mental envisioning that Coach encouraged her to do. She experimented with the ‘inner peace’ breathing techniques her old sister taught her. Sometimes these things helped. But more often than not, she resigned herself to getting worked up over nothing and biting back.

But sometimes, it was an exercise to suppress the laughter after Catra delivered a perfect, astute one-liner. She could really hit the nail on the head with a sarcastic comment, a verbal quip, or an icy comeback to something absurd. Adora was starting to love it as time went on, and was surprised that they actually had a pretty similar sense of humor. Catra was also funny, cute, and honestly brilliant in her own right. 

Adora just wanted peace and quiet, but when _Catra_ was quiet, Adora just wanted to rile her right back up. She was getting good at doing that too. She felt victorious whenever she caught Catra off guard and sent them down another spiral of heated exchanges. 

And Adora did have to admit, even after suffering through weeks of Catra’s ridiculous attitudes, she was enthralling as ever.

She was starting to get used to having Catra’s attention focussed all on her. 


	3. Chapter 3

_**NOW.** _

\------

Adora hadn’t really wanted to go out tonight, but per usual, Bow and Glimmer exercised their powers of persuasion to drag her out of her house and into Bow’s hand-me down Chevrolet. Per usual, Glimmer made fun of Adora for bringing her pocket-sized first aid kit and rehydration salts in case anyone needed to be revived. She sighed and looked out the car window, I tried to latch on to the energy of Glimmer's pre-game playlist to get ready for the night. 

She put up a good front, but parties made her so nervous. The pressure to have fun, to be fake when you weren't. The mere energy of these places made her want to hide from the world, just watch a movie safe at home and shamelessly and doodle. 

_God_ , There were so many couples making out here! Straight couples, duh – and despite her popularity, Adora still felt alienated around this stuff. _What would it be like to just kiss in the corner? Hell, what would it be like to find someone who wanted to kiss me? And someone I wanted to kiss back. Well...I can think of someone..._

She had given up hope of seeing Catra out and about, but the thought brought her down again. She had actually _missed_ her the past week...history was so dull without her, like the life of the room came and went with her presence. Adora felt like her brain had been doused in a soup if sedatives when she walked into that room and didn't see her there. 

What would it be like to just _talk_ outside of class normally? Maybe go on some type of adventure together? Catra would probably be down to do that, right? It seemed like her thing. Adora smiled. It would probably be super cool. She really wanted to know. _Maybe I should ask her next time I see her?_

But standing on the bottom of the stairs to the sweat basement-turned-club, she was seeing Catra outside of class and it was _not_ fun. Definitely not cool. AT ALL.

There was a special type of nauseating loss, a punch in the gut, when you watch your crush jump in a private room with the penultimate douche bro of your rival school. No - to watch your smoking hot _gay_ crush pounce on a despicable heterosexual boy - _that_ was a very special feeling. Adora Gray, wanting the one thing you can't have. _Hah, the irony._ Watching Catra grab Derek Vernson by the collar and push him against a wall did things to Adora’s stomach she couldn’t explain. The door closed right as their lips smashed together.

It _hurt_. It was sorta hot. She wanted to throw up all over this party and cry in a corner. Could you be horny and full of despair all at once? Apparently. S _top grinding your teeth._ _GOD_. Ouch, her hand was cramping from clenching so hard. _Jeez, ease up._

_That should be me._ The thought shocked her.

She wanted to tear the door off the hinges, throw Derek aside, then grab Catra by the waist and, and...just...yank her, pin her to the wall. Lift her off her feet and hold her close, so close. She could feel Catra’s legs wrapping around her, hands running down her back, over her ribcage, squeezing her -- she want Catra to kiss her so hard it left a mark.

She had felt so sure that Catra wasn’t into guys - _especially_ guys like _Derek,_ but....seems like she just wanted to play games after all. She was just a flirt and didn’t give a shit about anyone else’s feelings. _Shoulda known._

Moments later the door flies open, and there's Catra, smiling like a little villain as she slams it right back on a very angry, very disoriented Derek. _Hah, okay that was cool._

Adora was beyond pretending that Catra looked “interesting”. No, she looked fucking hot, like a thousand suns a-burning bright hot. Like perish in a heat wave hot. In a flash of red and black, Catra was absorbed in the crowd, reappeared a moment later. Adora’s heart jumped when - _whoa_ _did she just blow a kiss at - who - Christina? Okaaay._

She disappeared again. 

Adora scanned the crowd, the unpleasant churning in her stomach descending into her lower abdomen, something dangerous seemed to be curling up there. Suddenly, her eyes landed on the familiar tumble of curls. Adora could just make out the flecks of yellow and blue as the light caught in Catra’s irises, and then she turned and was suddenly looking straight into Adora’s face, reading her like a book 

Holy god, she looked incredible.

An undeniable leather-studded vision. Sweat was glistening on her neck, and her black nails glinted in the lights. Her leather pants clung to her lithe, muscular legs, hugging her hips and sinking just below her waist. Her thighs and calves strained against the material. Adora could see her calf muscles working as she tapped her foot with the bass. Pants like that should be illegal, they were literally a safety hazard to anyone trying to focus on anything else. 

_Old motorcycle boots?_ Mmm. Catra was wearing red, again _so good ._ Her tank top - a chopped up band t-shirt - was cut low, showing off the cute freckle right below her collarbone, and her chest was glistening with sweat. The curves of her torso were gentle, liquid-like under the pulsing lights. Her midriff was just visible, the skin of her belly looked perfectly smooth. There was a flicker of her abdominal muscles as she moved. Her lacy black bra strap was sliding slowly down her right shoulder. 

Something was caught in Adora's throat and growl escaped. She was clenching again. She couldn’t remember a time when she felt such a complicated charge of emotions towards someone else. _I want her. All over me._

How dare this girl disappear for a week, and then run around throwing guys against walls? _Should be me, that should be me,_ replayed in her head, echoed off bones. Did she even have the right to be this angry? Did Catra even _like_ her? It dawned on her that Catra might have zero idea that she was the object of Adora's attention - no, infatuation. The thought was both reassuring and discouraging. _If she did know, it would mean this was a game. If she didn't know...then she probably just wouldn't care anyways._

As if Catra could hear every sentence of this internal struggle, she shot a small flirtatious smile across the room.

 _Yeah, just TRY to rub it in. I’m not anyone’s plaything. _A painfully hot surge coursed through her limbs, shooting from her chest. A wave of sweat escaped each pore in her body. It felt like every muscle was clenching now, she could _feel_ her pulse in her neck, her hands, her forehead. Angry.

Oh, she was SO fucking angry.

Adora didn’t know what she was going to do, but this was this was for sure : she didn’t back down and she wasn’t a toy.

She took a sharp breath and set her jaw, and suddenly plunged into the crowd and dove forward, blazing a path straight across the room.


	4. Chapter 4

_**NOW** _

_**\--------** _

Catra had to blink a few times to get the stars out of her vision. The lights had flashed right in her eye and momentarily blinded her. When she was able to refocus, Adora was gone. 

_What the fuck?_ She looked frantically for the glowing blonde hair, white shirt - any sign of her, but she had straight-up vanished into the thick crowd. She was _JUST_ there! Dammit! 

Crestfallen, Catra wondered why Adora had looked so upset, so furious. She couldn’t shake the uncomfortable swirl of emotions that caught her. _What, had she seen me drag that boy off? She can’t judge me!_ _I can do what I want! There is no commitment between us!_

Wait, how am I even thinking about commitment?

Catra could feel unmistakable anxiety now. The surrounding party was closing in on her, the thrumming in her ears unbearable. There was a lump in her throat. If Adora _did_ see her do that, that is definitely _not_ how she wanted to come across. She wanted to let Adora know she wasn’t some flirty girl that messed with other girls just for fun. _No way,_ Catra thought sourly, remembering all the times _she_ was treated like just a plaything, an experiment. 

She wanted Adora to see her as a badass who didn’t take shit, but who was also...likable. As someone who was cool, edgy, but respectable, and...available? Available as a _friend ._ Yeah, a friend. A very single friend who could rock her world.

Catra blushed. _What's gotten in to me?_

If she watched Adora drag a boy off - no, _anyone_ off- she would feel furious and cheated. Cheated out of something she never could have, but cheated none the less! 

_Don’t flatter yourself,_ a voice in the back of her mind whispered, S _he wasn’t even looking at you._

 _Shit, that’s probably true. There_ _are_ _a lot of people in here and the lights were shining in her eyes. We're just classmates, and she is, like, the busiest and most wanted person that ever started a conversation with me. I'm so sprung and this girl wouldn't give me a chance if I paid her! She's light years away, the literal star of the school, and who am I?_

"Stop being a pain in the ass!!" _Remember? Yeah. I bet having a week without me was a fuckin' godsend._

Catra deflated with that last thought, so she shot back the rest of the drink Lonnie had passed her. It burned. _Wow_ that was fuckin' strong. _Good_. 

She really _had_ been thinking about Adora a lot this past week she realized, and really _did_ want to see what she was like outside of class, away from classrooms and grades and performance. She was legitimately interesting and different...quirky. Totally cute. She made Catra feel so innocent and fun, opposite from her usual stasis of stormy despair. It _was_ really exciting to see Adora, and she wanted to see more of her...but instead?

Adora probably thought she was a evil tease and was never, ever talking to her again. Once more, Catra resigned herself to being a glum little homo stranded in the galaxy of Lonely Lesbians _. Again_. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra and Adora have been in class together for about about a month, and they definitely feel more comfortable around each other. Some surprising feelings start to arise

_**ONE WEEK EARLIER, THURSDAY.** _

_**\--------** _

Adora really was at the end of her rope today - she was having a brutal week of practice, slammed with homework, and hardly sleeping. Tomorrow was a big day - it was the first game of the season, and it was her very first as captain. Despondos High had kicked their asses half way to the moon last year, and they were sure as hell about to make a come back even if it killed Adora. Her brain was a fraying knot.

Thank the lucky stars this day was almost over, just one more class, practice, and then blissful, beautiful sleep. 

Catra had been brooding the first 30 minutes of 6th period and was showing no signs of stopping. She glared angrily at anyone who innocently crossed her line of vision, hackles raised ferociously. Responses were limited to grunts and eye rolls, it was literally impossible to get any work done. _Okay._

Adora cleared her throat and sat up straight. 

“Hey Catra,” No response. _Fine_. Play nice…

“Hey, sorry, just wondering if you could give a little input on the design so we can move on. ”

No response. _Seriously_? 

“Okay, _look_ ,” Adora’s tone dropped to an ominous whisper.

“If you don’t care about this project, _fine_ . But the rest of us need this grade. You can just let us know if you don’t wanna do any work, even though we’re supposed to be a team here, and all of us will be graded on what we make. BUT it would be great if you could just put a _tiny_ bit of effort in. ”

Nothing.

“Well then the _least_ you could do would be to stop giving everyone the death stare!” Adora was flushed with frustration now. 

Catra groaned dramatically and swiveled her head, looked up slowly, and locked eyes with Adora. There was chilling expression on her face. Adora deadpanned back.

Catra’s eyes were so….interesting. No, beautiful. There were flecks of gold and yellow and, and a deep pool of bright blue in the other. They were actually _breathtaking_. Adora could get lost in those eyes, and...she was.

A constellation of freckles played over Catra’s delicate nose, her eyebrows curved gracefully toward her temples, curls tumbling around her face from her messy bun. Her lips were thin and looked incredibly soft. Today she was wearing a red shortsleeved button down that was tied in a knot over her bellybutton, and her signature ripped black jeans. She looked good in red. Like, really good. Adora felt a churning in her stomach as she held Catra’s gaze for longer. Her skin had to feel like silk. There was a bead of sweat on the curve of her neck, and the shirt was unbuttoned enough to show her bare upper chest, the collar was crumpled. _I love it when girls wear collared shirts._ There was a freckle below her clavicle. What would it feel like to reach out and touch -

“OKAY _captain_ . SORRY. Here is what I'll let you know : _I. Don’t. Want. To. Do. Any. Work_. _Happy_ now?” Catra spat the last part out, shoving her chair back and glaring out the open window. 

_Jesus._

_This girl is a piece of work and then some._ Adora turned her back on Catra as aggressively as a person can turn in a chair, and proceeded to loudly discuss their work the rest of the period, exaggerating her reactions in ways she knew Catra hated. The advantage to receiving Catra’s constant commentary was finally paying off and Adora knew _every_ button to push. _Hah_. 

\---- 

After class and right before soccer practice Adora was fumbling around in the hallway, turned a corner and walked smack into the queen of moods herself. 

“AGH! watch where the fuck you’re going Princess!!” Catra caught herself before tripping. 

_Princess? Who? What? That’s it. That's. Frikin'. It._ Adora stood up straight and braced herself. 

“You know what, I don’t know _what_ your problem is Catra, I don’t know if you’re having a really hard time and taking it out on me for fun, but could you try not to be such a pain in the ass?” She said firmly. 

Catra stared back at her blankly. She stalked closer to Adora. “Oh _Princess_ , a confrontation? And swearing? I’m touched.” She sneered.

“Stop.” Adora said forcefully, “ Just stop. I don’t know what your problem is, or why you’re always on messing with me. If I’ve done something to you, just tell me, if you want help, ask. But just cut it the hell out already!" 

She was breathless - she could tell she was flushing hard, and she was shocked – she never spoke to anyone like this, period. _What the heck is up with me?_

Catra was clearly already on this level. Within an instant, she was literally in her face. A few passerby had started to stare at them. From here Adora could see the freckles up close, some were bit darker than Carta's light brown complexion, others were a little lighter. That's interesting. Adora's anger was quickly melting into something else.

“Hey Adora.” She sounded deadly. “ Watch what the fuck you're saying to me, okay? it's not fun to be on my bad side. Do you understand? Or do I need to spell it out.... for you?” 

Her voice dropped to a gravely whisper at the end. She was probably trying to sound threatening, but Adora just felt aroused. She could have sworn she saw Catra’s eyes flick down towards her lips and her pupils got really big for some reason. _Huh. Is she high?_ There was a group of about 15 people gawking at them at this point. Catra reached up, and pressed her sharp nails into Adora’s sternum, and pushed - _hard_. Adora staggered back, caught off guard in the midst of her staring. Catra’s chest was a little flushed too, and she was breathing kind of heavy. There were murmurs around them. Stuff like this _never_ happened to Adora. 

“Whatever.” Adora mustered an eye roll, stepping away. Her insides felt like they were fluttering somewhere below her naval.

Catra twirled around and stormed off. “See you in fucking class, Princess.”

Ugh, what a _nightmare_. 

\-----

Adora spent soccer practice working off the adrenalin from the encounter. She needed to focus, bring the team together and work on their plays. After warmups, drills, practice, and a strategy review, she was feeling sturdy and confident, head in the game and ready for a win - just like her usual self. 

Only later that night beneath the steam of the shower, she noticed a little bruise on her sternum. She thought of freckles and piercing eyes, the heat of breath against her face. 

It didn't hurt. Catra left that mark. _Catra_.

Catra. Bruise. Catra...

 _Oh shit._ I, I....I like it. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit more backstory for us to get to know our two protagonists. The day after their confrontation, Adora and Catra have an important conversation and get a little bit...closer.  
> Enjoy.

_**THE NEXT DAY, FRIDAY.**_

\------

It was Friday, and the school was practically vibrating with anticipation for the weekend. Tonight was a kick off to the soccer season and the first game against their biggest rivals, Despondos High. The powers that be gifted The City of Brightmoon a sweltering heat wave, and at this point the entirety of Etheria High was on the verge of tearing their clothes off and leaping into the nearest body of water. Tomorrow, the city would be awash in hormones, parties raging away. 

Catra slid into the room and flew into her seat right as the bell rang. She smiled sweetly back at a glare from Mr. M, who was forced to mark her 'on time'. 

There was Adora in all her handsome glory, intentionally ignoring her, eyes fixed on the front room. It was a little too risky to begin her monologue after such a close call, so Catra settled for looking at her and reviewing their altercation. Adora’s words from yesterday cut more than she expected... “ _stop being a pain in my ass_ ” had echoed in her head all night while she tried to sleep. Catra prayed Adora would afford her even a fraction of patience after the way she spoke yesterday - _not that I deserve it -_ and she honestly didn’t want Adora to think that she was _actually_ on her bad side. She had been kicking herself since the moment she stormed off from their confrontation. _I'm such an idiot._

She would take Adora’s lead, not push her. Yeah, that’s a good idea - _right_? Right. Scorpia would approve, so it had to be somewhere near bridge building.

Catra's strong suit was not gentleness, but she could try for _some_ sensitivity. 

With her no-games game plan in order, Catra sat back with a sigh and really allowed herself a rare moment to shamelessly stare at Adora.

She was dressed in her practice uniform. The first game was today - not like Catra looked up the date months ago - so she was probably buzzed on nerves and mentally prepping. She looked tense. 

She was sitting up straight, idly twirling her pen on her thumb. Her blonde hair was in a ponytail that exposed the nape of her neck. The back of her neck was tanned and thick, but the skin looked so soft and where her jaw met her neck there were tiny hair that glowed in the soft light. Her jaw line was sharp, just like her thick brown eyebrows. The expression on her sturdy features was steady and determined. Her lips were much fuller than Catra expected. Adora's eyes were shining like twin etherial orbs in this afternoon light, it almost like light was pouring out of them, filling the surroundings with a warm energy. Catra _knew_ Adora attractive, but from here she was actually...stunning. 

  
  


She let her gaze fall down Adora's broad shoulders, down her upper arms, to the coiled muscles of her forearm, which were twitched just a bit with the movement of her pen. Her arm hair was glowing golden, just like the rest of her. Catra imagined the sensation of smoothing her hands across those shoulders from behind and running her hands over her arms. She shivered. Would Adora like that? _I want to make this girl happy,_ a little voice chimed in her head.

Catra loved hands, they were so nice. Adora had nice hands...like, really nice hands. Strong hands, with a few freckles, little tendons and muscles clearly defined, some light scars. It looked like her hands could do a lot - lift heavy things, catch _anything_ , move fast and aggressively, caress gently...what would a caress from Adora feel like? _Hmmm_ Catra smiled. What if she reached out and touched her thumb? A flush was creeping up Catra's neck...

What would her hands feel like if Catra guided them around her waist and under her shirt, along her sides, on her shoulders, to her around to her chest and over her -

_Catra, you fucking vouyer! Get it together!_

Concerned that she was about to actually drool in the middle of this class like a fucking dog, Cata wrenched mind from hands and caresses and scrambled to find some more acceptable thoughts to think. In her frenzy of recuperation, Catra didn't notice Adora peering out of the side of her eye and chuckling under her breath. 

\-----------------------

Class went by surprisingly uneventfully with minimal banter. Catra seemed quieter - maybe she was still upset about their confrontation from yesterday - but she was also participating more, which made Adora happy. There was tension, yes, but somehow they were in agreement of a momentary truce. This was a good thing. The game was starting in a few hours, and Adora needed her head in the right place. Catra was distracting enough in her black leather jacket and matching hat. Today her t-shirt was really worn out, it was almost see though. Adora glimpsed the outline of a lacely red bra, the skin on her belly had a sheen of sweat. And high waisted jean shorts? Damm, she looked good. 

FOCUS!

Towards the end of the class, Adora cautiously broke their mutual silence. 

“Hey. Um, how are you?”

“Uhhh,” Catra was absentmindedly writing something and avoiding eye contact. “Why?” 

“You just seem quiet, and um...I wanted to just...say sorry about yesterday. That was out of line...and I’m sorry. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that, it was probably hurtful. I was angry and lost my head.” Adora stumbled, fidgeting and shifting in her seat. She didn’t like apologies and was never really good at them, but she didn’t want this hanging over her head before the game. And?

And she wanted Catra to wish her good luck. She wanted Catra to talk to her and smile, and she wanted Catra to...to want that from Adora.

Catra rolled her eyes. “Fine. I’m fine Princess. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

Wait, _seriously, no apology back?_

“Um, how are you doing today?” Catra asked with genuine curiosity. 

“Oh,” the cordial response caught Adora off guard.

“I’m okay. I’m fine. A little nervous, you know we have the first game today and I’m the captain, so, it's kinda a big deal. Rival team too..”

“Duh, I know _that_ dummy - I’m antisocial - not a hermit.” Scoffed Catra.

“Oh, I just didn’t think you liked sports. And I always see you with friends so I know you’re not really _that_ antisocial.” Adora passed back.

“I don’t _like sports,_ I just pay attention, and you’re like, attached to a soccer ball at all times and never _not_ wearing a captian jacket, so _yeah_ , I did notice you were on the team. But it sounds like you’ve been spying on me though...?” She smirked and raised an accusatory eyebrow. 

“What no!” Adora was blushing again. _Dammit_. It was just that she saw Catra around, that’s all! Not like she was trying to see her with her friends...or was one of them her girlfriend? Or boyfriend? Partner? They all looked pretty queer. Was Catra? She had to be. Right? Leather jacket and hat? _Must be._

Anyways.

" _I_ just pay attention too.” 

“Sure, suuure...not suspicious at allll....” Catra shot back smile, but her tone was gentle. It was actually...warm.

Adora laughed, genuinely. Yeah, Catra was funny, even when she was trying to pick make a scene. Catra giggled - _giggled_ \- back, it was totally accidental and totally cute. It made Adora laugh harder, and soon the both of them were doubled over trying to laugh quietly, faces red, gasping for breath. 

Each time they looked at eachother, the laughter refresh. They were still wheezing by the time the bell rang, Adora unable to retort. 

“Well, I gotta get over to the field.” Adora finally panted. Catra still wasn't breathing properly, but nodded her support as they both stood up. 

"Hey, uh wait a second," Catra sounded awkward and was looking at the floor, " What I said yesterday, I'm, I'm really sorry. That was pretty rude...um. And, yeah, unfriendly. I was taking out some feelings on you and you don't deserve that and um...I guess I just am really sorry." She sheepishly looked back up.

Adora decided that this was an apology attempt from someone who had very little practice and probably even fewer behavioral models, but her regret was, in fact palpable. She would accept it on this basis. Actually, it seemed like some major progress based on what she could tell about Catra, so Adora gave her a little nod and smile.

"Thanks for saying that." 

Catra bent down and lifted up one of Adora's bags up and handed it to her with a grin, the familiar tone of bravado seeping back into her voice.

“I guess you’ll be needing this, my Princess.” Adora’s stomach gave a strange flip. _My_...?

“Thanks,” she paused “uh..I had a really nice time with you just now.”

 _WOW,_ not awkward at all. What the hell.

“Uhhhh…what?” Catra’s eyes could have rolled out of her head and across the campus. “You are such a fucking dork, wow.” Yup, okay the regular viciousness was back. 

“Anyways,” Catra said as she squeezed by Adora, pressing their bodies together for a fraction of a second.

“I gotta go...I have some _important_ places to be too.” She drawled dramatically. Adora just nodded, fixated on the sensation of Catra’s body against hers. 

\---------------------------

_Ooo it feels nice to smush up against Adora. I'm such a perv!_

_Yes, yes, yes. This is the perfect spot. AGGH do it!_

Catra raised her hand to Adora’s neck, lightly tracing her finger tips over the little hairs a the base of her skull. She brushed her thumb over the soft skin, trailed her fingers over shoulder blades, down to Adora's firm shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Adora’s entire body stiffened, then relaxed a little

She leaned in, right next to Adora’s ear. 

“Good luck tonight...you’re gonna need it.” She whispered darkly. Catra gently blew air into Adora's ear and over her neck, watching it travel over her skin and rustle small golden hairs. 

Adora was frozen and flushed and it was definitely fucked-up how cute she looked. 

Catra slowly moved away and strode out of the room, turning to see Adora's blushing face following her path.

“See ya round... stud.” She called softly, winked, and disappeared into the halls. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who are Catra's friends and what is she like outside of class?
> 
> Aannnd some more backstory! This chapter became "explore the queer themes" moment I had last week. And I got a liiitle wrapped up in it. Sweet snippets of queer friends, dramatic narrator Catra, awkward realities.
> 
> Finally I give you chapter length that is not teensy.

_**CONTINUED.** _

\--------

Once she was safely around the corner of the classroom door, Catra burst through the halls, flying by lockers and classmates like a human cannon ball powered by sheer embarrassment. _Stud? Stud?! Liiiitle soon for that one Catra, jeez._

Winding her way through Etheria's off-white angular buildings, Catra crossed a few courtyards and made her way to the outskirts of the sprawling patio behind the school, and located the little clump of friends taking shelter from the sweltering heat under a large tree.

"S'up queerdos!" She called, panting a bit as she arrived in the shade and set her bag down, and peeling off her jacket. She _knew_ Adora had been into it which is why she kept it on, but she was basically on the verge of dehydrating from the damn thing. After guzzling down some of Scorpia's water, Catra rallied the protesting group up and into the sunlight to buy some food, baiting them with the promise of milkshakes, then parked everyone and the end of the bleachers to await the game. Through some miracle, Catra managed to sneak a bottle of beer much to Scorpia’s disapproval, telling her to _“back the fuck off, you’d need this too if you lived in the Tangled web of Weaver.”_

Scorpia had no response other than a heartfelt “ _Wildcat, I care for the well being of your body, heart and mind. Here to talk when you need,_ ” followed by some very earnest expressions. She practically lived in a warm, vegetarian lesbian fantasy with her moms and she knew she didn't have much room to talk. Drum circles and zucchini bread for _daaays_. Even as she rolled her eyes, Catra thanked her lucky stars that she had standing invitation to dinner.

Absentmindedly swapping insults with Lonnie, Catra let her mind accept the fact that yes, was still stuck on on Adora’s juicy shoulders. She shivered and smiled, her eyes drifting up to the triangular spires of the school buildings. _Stud_ ? _Was that too much? So obvious_ . _Whatever, I’m just a pain in her ass anyways, literal high school lowlife, she's probably already forgotten. She’s not thinking about me, right? What if she is?_ She blushed so hard, _Oh my god, she’s so -_

 _DON’T flatter yourself,_ said a flat voice from inside her. Her mood shattered. 

“Catra?! _Hello_?! Earth to Catra! I’m talking to you!” Lonnie’s voice cut into her thoughts. 

“Scorpia, do you hear something?? It’s like I can’t get this buzzing out of my ear.” Catra said, feigning exasperation but grateful to have that particular internal conversation interrupted.

“I heard Lonnie say your name! Didn’t you? Jeez maybe you need your hearing checked.” Scorpia was genuinely concerned. 

_Dammit_. Lonnie burst out laughing while Catra threw her head back with a groan. Scorpia was so gullible and it was perfect until Catra needed her for a moment like this. They had been friends starting in 6th grade - Scorpia actually wouldn't leave Catra alone until she buckled and submitted to their friendship, and thus their fates were sealed. Years of ice cream parties and watching horrible musicals ensued. Scorpia could annoy the shit out of Catra sometimes...well, most times, but she was sturdy and loyal, and offered a safe haven when things got to be unbearable at home. Catra was trying to be nicer to Scorpia on the daily - lately Catra’s temper had been so fried she could barely tolerate the constant chatter. Through it all, Catra had pledged she would go through hell for Scorpia if and when she needed.

Lonnie had been Catra’s friend since 7th grade. They were both awkward, scrappy middle schoolers who got in fights with a team of bullies who beat up on innocent students. When they defeated _Chad the asshat_ together, the rest was history. She and Lonnie had similar pet peeves and disliked authority figures, occasionally had _real_ arguments, and survived a few friend break-ups and repairs. Catra knew Lonnie would throw down for her if anything ever happened, and having Lonnie around somehow made Catra feel safer, even when they were butting heads. Once Catra was suspended for attacking Todd up after he wrote racist and homophobic stuff about Lonnie in hallways. Catra also engaged in some low-key blackmail as a follow up, just to be sure, and not a peep was heard from Todd again. 

Today the squad had really taken their style to the next level, no doubt for the game, although no one would actually admit that. Lonnie was adding some extra flare to her signature butch aesthetic with a denim vest and worn leather belt. Her thigh was giggling as she bounced it nervously, instinctually on high alert. Being a target for so long had definitely done a number on her. _Don't worry Lonnie, I got your back._ Scopia was in her usual red muscle shirt, and a trucker hat with - _of course_ \- dancing squirrels on it. How she pulled this off and managed to look intimidating -at least from a distance -Catra would never truly understand. Kyle was in his classic pink hightops, tight jean shorts with his kitten shirt on. He also was looking around anxiously, but Catra was pretty sure that how he came out of the womb. Entrapta was rocking her _clean_ canvas overalls and a necklace made of...circuit boards? _Yup, circuit boards_ . She had her pocket tools out and was hunched over and fiddling with- _what was that_ ? Oh...more circuit boards. Rogellio, shoes matching his green hair, was wearing a trans flag T-Shirt over his brand new binder. The whole group pitched in to get two new binders for him as a birthday present a few weeks ago, and he was still riding the high. Today he looked a little more relaxed than usual, and Catra felt relieved for him - stuff had _not_ been easy in his world lately. 

Double, the school’s rising theater prodigy, had dressed in their usual flowing green robes and had a couple new necklaces - the kind that were really rocks wrapped in wires - that glinted with massive chunks of green and purple. Their hands were covered in rings - _SO many fucking rings_. It kinda looked they had just up and walked away with the contents of an entire jewelry stand from a street fair. They recently transferred to Etheria from some small town nearby, and something about them threw Catra off, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Maybe it was because they seemed so calculated all the time, or that they used some of Catra's own strategies of concealing their feelings. To add more confusion to the mix, Catra couldn't help but feel some sense of comfort when they were near each other. She suspected they might share some similar - and unpleasant - experiences in regards to family life. 

Yup, today the squad was looking good _in-deed_. Ready for....whatever the fuck they were gonna do the rest of the day.

Oh right - _nothing_. 

“....aaand _that's_ the story of how I saw forty bunnies at once!!” Catra caught the finale of Scorpia's extended tale of a _very_ short experience. She finished, beaming with enthusiasm at the surrounding group. She was met with dazed, half-hearted murmurs from everyone except Rogelio, was the only one fully tuned into this saga. He cheered and laughed _waaaayyy_ to hard. 

Oh lord, we are _losers_. Heavens. 

\------------------

Catra tried to appear uninterested as the soccer team ran back and forth across the turf, but by the time the final minute had rolled around, her cheeks were flushed and her voice was hoarse. Surprise, surprise Adora looked incredible. The girl was like a tank. She was so fast! And fuck, her thighs were so big while as they flexed and released, propelling her forward. YUM. _Okay creep, calm it down_. Catra could practically see Adora laying out the next play in her head as the game changed rapidly with the experience of someone who had been training for years. She was unbelievably good with her team, running in for support and calling shots from afar, it was like she had a sixth sense reserved for knowing where the ball was going at all times. 

Etheria won with a smashing 12-10 against Despondos High that evening. Catra was breathless as the buzzer rang the end of the match. Only Lonnie noticed that Catra's behavior was a radical departure from her usual disdain for school spirit. She smirked knowingly. That kid could mind read when Catra had a crush. _Wait - a crush? Oh crap._

As Catra was hustled off into Lonnie’s beat-up minivan under the darkening sky, she glimpsed Adora hoisted on the shoulders of her teammates, body gleaming in the floodlights like a fucking supernova. By some miraculous timing, Adora locked eyes with her. They seemed to burn into her and Catra felt like an open book, like Adora knew she spent the entire game ogling her ass. 

Catra’s dumbfounded expression must have looked like an exaggerated character of complete surprise when Adora smiled cockily and winked, then fucking flexed her bicep with little gun fingers. _God what an annoying idiot_ . It felt like Catra's face was combusting on the spot. _A super annoying, super sexy idiot._

In a flash, Adora was tackled by friends from the bleachers. Wait, was that her girlfriend? Boyfriend? Partner? Was Adora single? What was she into - 

_CATRA! Catra, chill. It doesn’t matter, because...it shouldn’t._

As Lonnie pulled out of the parking lot, blasting Scorpia’s horrendous “ _#hyped#squad_ ” playlist, Catra took another swig of the warm beer she had been nursing all afternoon, and her mind drifted back over the day, from the unpleasantness of her morning with her mom, to the soaring sensation of Adora's neck beneath her fingertips. A cocktail of emotions frothed in her chest, most prominently excitement and now… sadness. _Oh damn._ The high from the day was fading, replaced with a sense of melancholy. 

She was crushing on Adora Gray, yes indeed. It was gonna _suck_ . She knew that Adora belonged to a different world than her and the friends she had. Every teacher and parent’s dream - straight A’s, made varsity early, worked as a lifeguard. A considerate person, a noble teammate and other worldly sense of compassion. She cared. She was perfect. _So far out of your league._ The girl was a saint in the making … like a mini-saint - a baby saint? _Could a baby be a saint?_

Jesus, she was practically a walking resumé example that had come to life. 

In the back of Catra’s mind it registered that she _might_ be coming down with the case of beer tears. 

And Catra? She was an angsty timebomb in disguise. She hid behind layers of humor and sarcasm, she felt lonely even when she was surrounded by friends who cared, and was ungrateful about it half the time. Sometimes she just didn't want to be _anywhere ever_ and when that happened, she had to take risks just to feel alive, to feel AWAKE. 

Because outside of this little van, outside of the floating feeling of winks and glowing blue eyes, things actually really sucked these days. Home was like a breeding ground for self-hate, and it was hard - _so hard_ \- to pull herself up. She always got sad when the seasons changed too, and her mom always got more aggressive and critical for no apparent reason. _Like mother like daughter, right?_ Most days she just felt like she was sinking lower and lower into a cesspool of boredom and despair. The worst part? She didn't even want to fight it any more. 

Catra wanted to run wild down the streets tonight and forget who she was. She wanted to go to a party where no one knew her name, and make out with a stranger. She wanted to try a new drug, find a new high, do something extreme and -

 _Whoa, I’m really on one tonight, fuck. Shit is hard right now, but like, maybe not THAT bad, Right?_ It was probably time to bid this beer farewell. Scorpia was right, it didn't help in the long run. _Good bye old beverage, a new home in some bushes awaits you._

She drew a deep breath into her chest, and forced the present back into focus. Lonnie had now submitted to Scorpia’s peer pressure and was belting out some truly blasphemous Katy Perry shit. Rogellio and Kyle were talking shyly in the back. Double was reading a book on the occult arts aloud to a very sceptical Entrapa while she did...Entrapa things with some wires she yanked out of the car door. _Huh, let's hope the car doesn’t need those too much._

Lonnie caught Catra’s eye in the mirror and wiggled her eyebrows.

“Are you guys ready to fuck shit up??!!!” She yelled. What a dork.

"YEAH!!” Screamed the van.

“Hell yeah! We're hitting up all the afterparties I can find! And get ready to jump in the lake yall!” Lonnie was getting excited now, pumping her fists up and down to the music. 

Catra scoffed. _Yeah fuckin' right._ The only party we’re going to is ice cream at Scorpia’s, and this van is _way_ too self-conscious to be naked together...and has enough collective social anxiety to fuel a small power plant. They all knew that the first stop was the market for a few gallons of icecream, a half hearted "search" for a party, and then a speedy get away to Scorpia's for movies, arts and crafts and D&D. All of which Catra would pretend to hate but at this point, no one was fooled. 

Just like that, Catra could feel her mood rebalancing back to a solid, safer place. She wasn't _that_ bad, was she? It was still humid out but the temperature had dropped as the sun dipped below the horizon, and a burst of pink and orange wispy clouds painting the sky. She smiled at the stars that were starting to wake up, and the air blowing through the window soothed the heat of her cheeks. Things felt better all the sudden and her body felt comfortable, pleasant to be inside of. She found a bottle of water in her bag and sipped it thoughtfully, permitting her mind to gently slip back into the recent memory of golden hair shining in the sunlight and soft warm skin under her fingertips.

Yeah, she could fuck some shit up tonight, one way or another. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We return where we left off, right after the soccer victory and through the week.  
> What happened to Catra?  
> How is Adora feeling?  
> Steamy dreams.  
> Better proofreading. 
> 
> Our final snapshot of the past...the next chapter we will be back in the present - which, in case you need a reminder, is in the high drama basement club! If you need a refresher you can read Chapter 1 , 3 , 4.
> 
> More queer themes and more questions. The dramz approach. 
> 
> Sorry if you don't like long chapters by the way, really just following my inclinations. PLEASE feel free to comment if you would like things to be shorter, longer, or more of this and less of that, etc.

**_ONE WEEK EARLIER, SATURDAY NIGHT._ **

**_\------_ **

Adora could not have been more relieved and ecstatic. The game against Despondos High had been so close, and after years of defeat, Etheria was FINALLY victorious. She was overflowing with pride for her team and the improvements everyone had made since summer training. Every breath she took it felt like she was flying higher into the night sky while her team whooped and cried. 

To add to the euphoria, she felt like a star after she put on that little show for Catra and knocked her speechless. It was incredibly satisfying - she was so cute when she wasn’t scheming like a villain. _Well, even then she’s cute,_ but having the upper hand was just delicious. It was the perfect cherry on top of this wild day. 

She got a ride home from Mara after the team’s post-game pasta-feed, and the second her head hit the pillow she fell into dreams of raspy giggles, flying soccer balls, and arms clad in a leather jacket pinning her to the bright green field. 

Hands grab her shoulders and run down her arms, then press her chest into the ground. Legs are straddling her hips and she reaches down to caress the soft thigh that's pressing hard into her side, feeling the muscles work as Catra’s body squeezes her out of excitement. Adora could hear light breaths from above her and she looks up into Catra’s sharp, glowing eyes baring down on her, full of affection and want. Her freckles seem to stand out here, her pink lips are parting. Hands are smoothing down Adora's chest and rubbing her belly, slipping under her jersey and gently stroking her stomach. They toy with the waistband of her shorts pulling the elastic up and snapping it back playfully. Palms travel up and down her torso, caressing, pulling in the gentle heat between their bodies. She feels a warm breath on her cheek and ear _“Good job out there Princess, you get a prize…”_

Hell yeah. 

When Adora crushed, she crushed _hard_.

\-------

For the entirety of Saturday, Adora tried to tackle the piles of homework, taking breaks to munch on the copious amounts of snacks Razz had been making. It seemed like she was going through a baking phase, churning out savory and sweet dishes like a freakin’ five star restaurant that specialized in carbohydrates. 

Despite the fact that her stomach was now painfully full, Adora felt like she could somersault all through the house as she rode the glory from yesterday. She felt even more inclined to go out this evening with the thought of possibly running into an incredibly impressed Catra. She was already preparing lines in her head for when she ran into her: 

_“Hey, it looks like you like sports enough to stare at this captain - _” No, way too forward and just awkward. And stupid. 

_“It was nice seeing your face..and the inside of your mouth after you oggeled_ -” No. No, no totally weird. Catra would destroy her. 

_“Loose track of your jaw -”_ What _?_ No.

 _“Cat got your tongue last night -?” Ugh_ Terrible. Just terrible. 

_“Soooo...did you see anything you liked on the field last night?_ ” Eh...moving in the right direction? Much better than the last ones...but definitely needs some beta. That's what Bow and Glimmer are for, right? 

_Perfect_. 

\------

Glimmer made one of her famous ultimatums when Adora tried to get in the car in her usual tracksuit at 9pm.

“Adora, you are NOT fucking leaving the house like that. It’s either you changing right this second, or me covering the school and plastering Instagram with invitations do your biweekly croquet party. I _WILL_ give your address, and I _WILL_ Photoshop! “ 

_Wish you would Glimmer._ On the way up to change, she chuckled and thought about how much she would love a bi-weekly - no _weekly_ \- croquet party. 

Saturday night went by, and she let Glimmer drag her out to most of the parties around town. She held out that maybe she would see Catra, but her hope plummeted the moment she set foot in the first sweaty house. As a captain _and_ a junior, she was invited to pretty much everything at this point, but this stuff was so beyond her comfort zone it was laughable. She rarely drank, she didn’t like smoke, and the buzzing gossip literally made her feel scared. When she tried to get a moment of peace and quiet in an empty guest room, she walked in on a couple _doing it!_

 _I wonder what SHE’S doing right now?_

_Of course she’s not here – she hates this stuff._ She was probably doing something awesome - incredible - edgy and mature. A warehouse party? Hanging out with older people and doing...drugs?? Adora blushed. _Was she out on a date and maybe like...hooking up with someone?_

It felt like she took an elbow to the stomach just _thinking_ about it. 

Adora still didn’t get this whole hooking up thing, it just didn’t make sense to her. Everyone always seemed so crazy about knowing who was doing what with who. Well just thinking about hook ups kicked her anxiety into full gear. _What about feelings? What if you're nervous? What about all those talks you're supposed to have before sex, and what if the person didn’t want to? What if you had to pee in the middle of it? Or even POOP?! Agghh!_

Her face burned.

To be honest, Adora had never gone on a date. Or kissed. She always chalked it up to not having time or interest, but in truth she was scared. Scared of embarrassment, scared of messing up, scared of rejection from a person that she actually wanted. The closest she got to sex was in her bed or shower alone with the caress of her own hands and the water, and she was quite happy with that, thank you very much. She needed to take things slow with someone she trusted, someone she wanted. _IF I ever find someone, god._

_Did Catra hook up with people?_

She really, really needed the answer to be no. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 _“Saturday Scary Movie Night_ ” threatened to become a _real_ bloodbath the moment Entrapa proudly revealed the latest model of her tattoo gun and offered free tattoos to one and all. The mood in the room switched to what could only be described as silent terror as Entrapa, quick as a flash, landed herself in the middle of their huddle around the TV, wielding the contraption menacingly and preparing to pounce. While everyone scrambled, Catra blanched, frozen in place as Entrapta descended, Scorpia’s lightning speed intervention the only thing that rescued any skin from being non-consensually marked. After everyone's heart rates returned to an acceptable pace, the room settled back down to _try_ to enjoy the movie which unfortunately took place in a piercing parlor. Double decided to interpret Kyle’s natal chart while Catra spent the rest of the night designing intricate designs on grapefruits and watching Entrapa happily maul them to pulp. She shed a tear of relief. _Bless those poor citrus’, may they rest peacefully in their compost heaps._

Catra tuned in and out, imagining watching this movie with Adora. What’s she doing right now? Who was she with. _Ugh, probably hooking up with like, some other really hot person._

 _What did she like to watch? What would it be like to hang out at night and just kick back and talk, go out to the movies...-_ no, wait better start with a daytime date. 

Wait, date? 

_Don’t flatter yourself,_ the voice warned. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The following week seemed to fly by at a breakneck speed. Adora had games on Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday, and aside from that she was strapped with homework and assignments from all of her classes. _So_ much work. 

On monday she bounced into history with her mental list of come-ons and comebacks prepped, but 30 minutes into the period and still no sign of Catra, she deflated. She was disappointed and increasingly irritated to see Catra didn’t show up to their history class _all_ week. Where _was_ she? Was she really that much of a slacker? Didn’t she know that she was letting the team down? Wait, was she not coming because of Adora? Did I come on too strong after the game? Probably.

_Why is she avoiding me?_

No, it wasn’t creepy to try to catch a glimpse of Catra in the hallways near her classes..was it? Even she started to feel suspicious of herself after she began watching Catra’s friend’s from afar, but she was too irritated to care. No sign of her. 

History class was _excruciatingly_ boring without her around. Sure, the group got about twice as much work done without her there but it wasn't as creative, and the dynamic was just totally off. It felt like the entire room was shrouded in stale, muted color tones and all the sounds were suddenly monotone at half volume.

Was it normal to feel _this_ upset after not seeing someone for a week?

By the end of class on Friday, she tried to reason with herself that it was totally inappropriate to feel ' _betrayed_ ' by Catra’s absence, but she couldn’t help it - she _did_. It hurt. She felt crazy. _Where are_ _you?_

She wanted to find Catra just get answers. She needed to know why she wasn’t in class, or if something wrong, if she was still angry at Adora, if she wanted to exchange numbers and get lunch sometime and maybe go to the park or a rambunctious adventure –

_Oh shit._

That would be so fun. Catra would be so different, she would laugh and play around, giggle at all Adoras jokes and totally want to see her all the time -

No. Wait. 

Better leave the number part out. 

_S_ _he's so far out of your league._

Oh well, a girl can dream, right?

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The following week was nothing like Catra could have predicted. Shannon Weaver was not known for her organizational skills, so forgetting a major work event was not totally unlike her. Catra was rudely awakened on a fine Monday morning at the asscrack of dawn to the sounds of her mother flying through the house and screaming to Catra that:

  1. **a)** She needed to be driven to the airport ASAP for a work conference. 
  2. **b)** The entire plumbing system was breaking down and flooding the house. And,
  3. **c)** Could Catra please get her fucking life together, you lazy teenager and sad excuse for a human. 



By 6am, Catra was careening to the airport behind the wheel of their old VW bug, absolutely fuming under a titlewave of criticism from her mother. Not a great start to the week, but Catra thanked the stars for a weeklong vacation from this woman. It could only go up from here, right?

WRONG. So wrong. 

She returned to a flooded first floor that was definitely going to take more than a half day clear up.

Catra resigned to the fact that Monday and Tuesday would have to be devoted to this gray little hell hole, so she mopped, yelled with the landlord, and facilitated the carpet replacement. This stuff was _so_ far out of her wheelhouse (like, who does this at age 17?!), so she enlisted Entrapa to come and inspect the plumbing. Double accompanied her and recited some incantations throughout the house as she tinkered around with the pipes. Catra was too tired to give a rat’s ass over this absurdity, and just lay on the couch, a few tears leaking out of her eyes. 

Wednesday arrived along with her period, and marked the day that the horrifying ant infestation from hell returned with a vengeance. She spent the day miserably packing up the entire house so poison could be sprayed everywhere, and thus, Thursday passed with more poisoning and cleaning. Friday was for unpacking and crying face down in the backyard, wishing to crawl into a hole and never been seen again. Every day there was a phone call from Weaver and an onslaught of scolding. Catra even caved and took Scorpia up on the dinner invitations, and spent the evenings all but weeping over her vegetables. She was so discombobulated from the ant infestation that she dragged her ass back to their house every night. Surprise surprise, turns out Tofu did _not_ taste better when it was seasoned with her tears. 

WORST. WEEK. EVER.

Friday, Catra was exhausted and agitated, battling breathing problems from the ant spray and wicked depression headaches that were threatening to take her down for good. She lay in the back yard exploring the depths of her self pity, and closed her eyes. Maybe she could convince Scorpia and Lonnie to do something exciting tomorrow night? Lord knows she needed a fucking break. _Take me away, take me away,_ she begged her subconscious, so it graciously gifted her a beautiful vision of a shining girl, resplendent in the afternoon sun in a history classroom far, far away. He arms glowed in the sunlight, and her body was so sturdy when Catra reached out and stroked her hands, up her arm and laced fingers though blonde hair. She turned toward Catra, ocean eyes glinting with playful tenderness. Soft lips parting she whispered _“I missed you, I missed you Catra”_ and leaned in closer until their foreheads met Catra felt a firm hand winding around her neck, pulling her into a deep kiss. Adora's tongue danced across her lips like a kiss out of her dreams. 

She had never looked forward to a Monday so much. 

_I’m gonna get to see Adora._


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're back to the present in the basement party. More mentions of underage drinking and it's effects, but not actual drinking.  
> If you need a refresher on the party, you can read Chapter 1, 3, 4.
> 
> Enjoy!

_**NOW**_.

A pang of guilt hit Catra as she watched Scorpia and Lonnie awkwardly bump along to the music. Lonnie’s eyes kept darting around on high alert. Scorpia just smiled and nodded her head to the music a bit off beat, and tried to make conversations with strangers. 

They only wound up at this party because they wanted to take Catra out of her misery after the shit week, but it was painfully obvious that they a were beyond uncomfortable. She couldn’t blame them. It was mostly straight cis people from Despondos High in an alcohol soaked basement so duh. Catra just wanted a night of relative anonymity in a foregin environment, otherwise she wouldn’t be here either. She could be messy however she wanted, shake her ass in leather pants, and make fun of people and leave it all behind. 

She knew that Lonnie couldn’t walk through this space in the same way she was tonight. She was _so b_ utch and exuded that big dyke energy in her own particular way that drew stares, not all of them friendly. Catra thought she was perfect, but most people in this party had their heads up their homophic asses. Clueless people were usually confused or hostile, and occasionally an aggressive drunk dude would come at her. Catra could _easily_ tell that there were members of the Cheer Squad and Volleyball team had been checking Lonnie out for like, the past 4 years, and it looked like Despondos High wasn’t much different, but most of them wouldn’t dare to make a move so publicly. Lonnie wound’t want to take any risks in a place like this - in fact she never asked people out, just like the rest of their friend group. Despite her outward no-fucks-given attitude, Lonnie was pretty self-conscious about her body and put up with a lot of public taunting. It took a lot for her to trust a friend, and would take even more for her to open up romantically to someone. Lonnie was super attractive as any reasonable human could see but she didn’t know that. Lately Catra tried to make a point of letting her know. Small things could really help out sometimes, ya know? 

Per usual Lonnie looked like a calm and collected badass. 

Scorpia on the other hand, was simply radiating nervous energy but somehow found a way to thrive in this setting, anxiously chatting it up with random strangers. Even though she could be a bit much by like, _anyone’s_ standards, most people who crossed paths with Scorpia walked away feeling either more awkward, or even more confident about themselves due to her impulsive pep talks. Right now she was bouncing on her toes in red jeans and plaid button up, towering over the dance floor and making friends with the Despondos wrestling team.

“Yeah, yeah,” she said loudly, “, my PR for benchpress is…. _hmmm_ ...ahhh I _just_ did it…oh! Two hundred! Yup I can lift two hundred babies with these guns!” she said proudly, flexing her massive arms. The wrestling team _oohed_ and _ahhed_

“Not, _actual_ babies,” she blurted, “No, that would be really unsafe to pick up two-hundred. Like _really REALLY unsafe._ I meant two hundred _pounds._ And by _‘guns’_ I meant my _arms_ . I don’t support mixing the two. _”_ She finished nervously . The wrestlers laughed, but it wasn’t mean. Go figure. 

Life of the party as usual.

Regardless, she knew her friends were kind of going out on a limb for her and sacrificing a saturday night and their serotonin...this was really not a confidence builder. Even she kind of hated it, but that was the point after all. Anything for a healthy round of some minor self-destruction. After all she deserved it after this shit. 

She was feeling increasingly disgusted by her brief time with stupid Jasper, it was a totally depressing excuse for the third kiss in her life. The first two barely counted either, - one was a devastating spin the bottle disaster at a track team sleepover, where she and Octavia had to kiss (furious at each other before, during and afterwards), the other was a literal accident when a classmate tripped and collided with her mouth in freshman year. He screamed and ran. Smart kid. So in a weird way, I guess that was my first _kiss_ kiss. 

_What a sad, desperate attempt to get some._

_I hate this._ She had been wanting something - anything - for so long now to break the crumbiness. It all felt so bland, like there was a veil between herself and the world that was only pierced when she was doing something a little wild. _But what if the wild runs out? What if I can’t be wild every time I want to be awake?_

_I need help_

Uh oh, something that felt suspiciously like beer tears were making their way towards the surface. _Of course this was happening now - isn't that how it always works Catra? You try to escape your feelings with a few sips and then they come boomeranging back at your pathetic face at full speed?_

 _NO, Catra. No crying in the club. No tears on the dance floor! You're not a baby tonight!_ Her confidence was waning for sure. She really did not drink a lot, seriously. 

_It would be great to kiss Adora - NO ADORA THOUGHTS! She is so out of the question - no. She disappeared, and she is angry at you, but actually not because she never saw you and has nothing to be angry about because she probably already forgot your name, you creepy-ass daydreamer!_

She was dangerously close to the ledge of the cave of self pity she had just managed to step out of hours ago. _Please_ _let it last a little longer_ . Suddenly she felt tired - _REALLY_ tired - of everything. She noticed her feet were hurting and just how much the past week had exhausted her physically and emotionally, and that she had indeed, cried a lot. She just wanted to sit somewhere nice, peaceful and soak her feet in hot water and get a hand massage. Or get black-out drunk and forget.

Option 2 was closest. 

“Do you guys want to grab another drink?” Catra shouted.

They nodded in agreement, and made moves toward the rickety drink table. 

Just as they reached a little sliver of space to stand in line, a deep, rich voice rang out. 

_“Hey, Scorpia!”_

They turned to see Tara Hunter, - known as Huntara because of general badassery- last year’s star track and field star. She went to Crimson U on a full ride scholarship and was already driving their wrestling and field towards victory. She had managed to grow even more annoying, cocky and sexy in a mere few months of starting school.

“How ya doing? ” She asked, drawing eyes over the three of them.

“ Huntara! Good! I’m good yeah, good, how are you?” Babbled Scorpia.

Huntara left for college and immediately got an assortment of outrageously large tattoos that covered her arms, and she was wearing a sleeveless vest and her shoulders and forearms were glinting under the lights. _YUM_. Catra could feel yet another round of mouth dryness. She got the sense that Scorpia and Lonnie were having a similar problem. 

“Didn’t think I’d see you here Scorp, so what’s new? I see you’ve come with your _gorgeous_ friends…. I always knew you were the dateable type.” Huntara smiled garishly at the three of them, winking at Lonnie and Catra. 

“Hahaha!!” Scorpia barked, panic rising in her voice “Nope, these are my pals, just my good ole’ pals. These two are always together and they brought me out tonight.” She rushed out. “And I’m good! Good! H-how are you?!” 

“Fine, just making rounds to my old stomping ground after coming to town for a visit.” She threw her head to the side, showing off her sharp jawline and fresh undercut. She absentmindedly flexed her hand and the muscles in her forearm rippled. _God_ this girl was so arrogant. It was annoying. But it was also really nice to find another queer person at this party, and...those hands...

 _Distraction……!_ The bells were ringing in her head. 

Catra absentmindedly licked her lips. Yeah this room was definitely a little warmer than before.

She wanted to touch.

“Hey, can I check out your tattoo?” Catra raised an eyebrow and gave a crooked smile.

Huntara looked down “Yeah, feast your eyes,” she winked, smiling right back, “Which one?” She turned to give a better view. 

Catra reached out and touched Huntara on her shoulder and noticed a slight shiver course down her arm. The tattoo started on her deltoid and snaked down to her elbow and she began tracing her index finger down the spirals.

“That’s really cool.” Catra wasn’t lying, they were really cool. They were also a great excuse to run her hand down Huntara’s thick bicep - slowly. 

“Thanks,” Huntara replied, sounding a little dazed as Catra’s fingers trailed over her forearm to touch the tattoo on her wrist softly. It just felt so nice to touch someone’s arm. _I love arms. I want to do this more._ Little sparks were popping under her fingertips

“Yeah.” Catra replied “They’re really nice,” She looked Huntara dead in the eye. “Really, _really_ nice.”

She could see something spark in her gaze and her pupils were widening

“Thanks, you can see the other side if you want,” She said thickly. Her eyes had that unfocussed look. 

She was drinking in Catra’s outfit now, it was incredibly obvious. Catra felt her face flush and a bead of sweat dripping down her own neck. Time felt like it was slowing down, the music pulsing, beats melting together just a bit. Dancing bodies around the room were back lit, slipping in and out of Catra’s awareness. Slow motion set in. Huntara’s chin, her lips, her thick arms, her rough neck, the soft spot between collar bones - it was all calling to her. 

She cocked her hip smartly. She smiled. “Yeah, Let’s see it.” Her own words felt far away, slipping through the space between them. She was extending her arm, farther, farther- 

And Lonnie shot in like a ball out of left field. 

“Holy _SHIT_! Those are so sick!” she yelled with excitement. 

_Arg!_ _Lonnie come on!!_

“Oh, uh, thanks” Huntara said, snapping out of whatever ghost of a mood had just been. And just like that, the music picked up and time was moving normally again. Catra felt like she had achieved something special, a seductive mood in this dingy party, but now it was burning off - fast. She had _never_ been able to do that before.

“Oh shit, where did you get them? Who did them? I’ve always wanted something like this. Who designed it?” Lonnie yammered away. 

Huntara lit up, “Actually, one of my teammates did!” she was gushing now like a little kid now , “I commissioned her!” The two of them were now very deep in a strange, kind of frantically excited conversation.

_Loooonniiieeee whhhyyyyyy???!!_

Scorpia, bless her oblivious heart, cut in - 

“Hey, I’m really sorry guys, I like _suuuuper_ have to pee. Like _sooo_ bad, I’m gonna go okay?”

“Oh!” Lonnie chirped brightly, “Me too! Hey, will you guys stay here and get us drinks? We’ll meet back here! Don’t leave dude - I wanna hear more!” 

They were off into the crowd. _Fucking finally._

Now it was…just the two of them.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Where the hell did she go? Adora had finally finally emerged from her journey across the dancefloor to find an empty patch where Catra had stood. Flustered, hot, stomach still sinking, she whipped her head around, looking for the flash of leather, or red, of yellow, blue or curly hair - any sign of her. She felt betrayed all over again. Now this? Avoiding me _AGAIN_? Seething, Adora shoved back into the crowd, determined to find that girl and, and...and what? GIVE HER A PIECE OF MY MIND! _And… and…. Ugh_! And what? How could she just leave!?Adora was distressed at her own distress, so she just pushed along like she always did, barrelling towards her destination without consideration for the outcome. 

Finally, she bumped into Bow. 

“Help me!” 

“With what?!”He shouted back over the music.

“To find Catra!” 

“Who??!” 

“You know Catra! _CATRA_! The girl from history!”

“Who?” 

_Ugh._

“You know, the one Adora has been infatuated with but won’t tell us anything about.” butted in Glimmer. _Dammit Glimmer._

“Ooohhh so _that's_ why you’ve been so spacey! I knew it!,” gushed bow, “sooooo, what's she liiiiike?”

"She has cool outfits and is always hanging out with that Rogelio boy that you liked in middle school Bow," Glimmer interjected, " Also, she actually _kinda_ looks like a cat if you squint your eyes-" 

“Ugh! Bow, no! Glimmer stop! I’ll tell you later! Right now I’m really upset with her because she’s been avoiding me all week and toying with my heart,” 

_M’kay, getting a little worked up here_

“- and she just maybe hooked up with a boy - I don’t actually know - I’ve need to find her so I can...so I can….um. I just need to find her!!”

Adora took a deep breath after the words were out in the open. She was breathing heavily, the more she thought about it, the more upset she was. 

Bow and Glimmer were silent. 

“Uhhh Adora,” Bow had to shout over the music, but his eyes were still gentle,

“I think you might be getting worked up unnecessarily right now and jumping to a lot of conclusions, maybe we should go talk about it outside first? We don’t actually know what’s going on or how she feels or what she did or -”

“ _YEAH_ !!” screamed Glimmer, “Which is why we need to _find_ her, _confront_ her, and _get the real answers_!!! Tell us what she looks like” She was sorta frothing at the mouth, tipsy and all the more protective. 

“AND DON’T LEAVE OUT _ANY_ DETAILS.” Glimmer’s eyes flashed darkly. Ah Glimmer. 

“That's...not …. what I was going for…” Bow crumbled, his body already in motion as Glimmer dragged the two of them into the crowd.

“THERE! Wait is that her!?” Bow suddenly shouted. 

Indeed it was. There was Catra, with Scorpia from wrestling and Lonnie who played Rugby after school. 

Adora licked her lips - partly out of excitement and partly from her dried out mouth, and stood up straight. _CATRA_ . She was gonna show her. She was gonna say some... some STUFF and get some ANSWERS _Dammit!_ She prepared to step out of the crowd and into the light when the bulky figure of Huntara seemed to materialize out of thin air. _Aw great._

Huntara, half role model and half nemesis, had always made her feel insecure and small - literally and figuratively. Maybe it was because people compared them for years, sometimes referring to Adora as “ _mini-Huntara_ ”. It was meant to be a compliment - obviously Adora was younger _and_ on the same path to greatness, and _actually_ smaller- but it always felt so infantilizing. She would _never_ be that built,that strong, and more importantly, she was _Adora_ , she didn’t want to stand in anyone's shadow. Also Adora had always been faster. _HAH_. 

She definitely didn’t like the way Catra was looking at Huntara now, eyes sparkling in the light, flicking over her bare arms full of tattoos. 

_LOOK AT ME! I have big arms too! I have tattoos too! Okay wait not that part -_

Oh lord, now Catra was smiling, stepping forward - _no! -_ running her hands down those ripped arms. It was not ‘ casual touch’ either. Nope, that was definitely a ‘sexy touch’ Adora sometimes thought about. “ _See ya round...stud.”_ Rang in her ears. Is that what she was saying right now? She had to clench her teeth around the burning in her mouth. 

Huntara was melting under Catra’s hands... Catra leaned in closer, so graceful - it looked like their bodies were being drawn together by magnets. She looked into Huntara’s eyes and said something that made her smile, but her expression was one of pure seduction. 

Catra’s two other friends said something to them, and then wandered off towards the bathroom. 

“Adora? _Hey Adora.”_ Bow was concerned. 

_Nooo…._ now Catra was stroking the other arm, running her long fingers over the peaks and valleys of her deltoid. _No no no!_

 _At least she’s not straight, said_ a small voice of her brain. _That's not what matters now voice!_

_She saw me across the room! Am I not good enough?_ She could feel her stomach drop… she didn’t want to watch but she couldn’t look away. 

_Wow she...she really doesn’t like me like that, huh._

_“Hey Adora!!”_ Glimmer. “Is that...her?”

Adora nodded. 

Catra stepped closer, her mouth moving, a flirty smile playing across her lips. Huntara looked relaxed but confident. They bobbed in and out of view through the crowd. 

“Oh...Adora... _aw shit_. Maybe we should go dance.” 

Their heads were leaning closer, closer. She saw Catra wet her lips, reflecting light. Her tank top rode up above her belly button, showing more of her bare stomach. _Noooooo_. Adora was holding her breath. Their foreheads almost touched, Huntara leaned over to whisper something in Catra’s ear. Pause. She faltered, giggled and moved closer, closer, closer until -

Glimmer yanked Adora’s chin and looked her dead in the eyes. 

“Adora, we’re _leaving_.” 

Glimmer scooped the two of them up and hustled in the opposite direction. Adora felt sick all over again. She craned her neck but Glimmer grabbed her face again.

“We’re NOT going to stand here and watch this play out, it’s only going to _hurt_ . We’re getting out of here, and getting over _her_.” Glimmer's eyes were burning.

_Dammit, dammit dammit dammit!_


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Didn't want to keep you hanging.

_**NOW.** _

“So, what’s on your other arm?” Catra was gonna coax the mood back to life if it killed her, dammit!

“Oh, see for yourself”, Huntara said in a smooth, low voice. 

“Take all the time you want…”

 _YES_. 

Hutara turned slowly, Catra gently reached her other arm. She let her hands drift over her bicep tracing lightly over the skin. They were firm, and slick with sweat. Catra smoothed her thumb over her wrist, her other hand reaching up to caress her forearm, pretending to examine the inky marks. 

Huntara moved forward ever so slightly, and leaned in. 

_Oh shit, oh yes. Finally._

Catra smiled up, batted her lashes. 

Huntara came closer. O _h my god it’s really gonna happen?_

Heat was pooling between her legs, she was so excited. _Yes. yes yes yes. 4th kiss here we go! 4th times' the charm right?? Haha!_

_Well, I guess this is sorta like...the first time? No, second? Shut up! Focus!_

Huntara’s hands were so big and strong, her jaw was firm and chiseled, her eyes a rich hazel glowing softly.The shaved sides of her head made her look all the fiercer. A million sparrows took flight in her chest. She was so AWAKE to everything, it was thrilling. _AGHHH I’m so gayyyy._

_Wait will Scorpia be pissed? It’s just a kiss! Whatever, no! We barely know each other and this girl is a total chick magnet, I'm just another one, right? Once won’t hurt at all. Right?_

She was leaning in closer, closer, her skin glowing purple under the lights.

It occurs to Catra that this really _is_ going to be her first kiss that she is actually really excited for, with someone she want’s to - _really wants to_ \- kiss, even if it’s just for fun and no strings attached. 

_She’s looking at my lips...no my ear? What does an ear kiss feel like? Oh I bet it’s nice. I’ve heard that getting your ear sucked is incredible...wait is it gross-_

“Hey, can I ask you a question?” Huntaras words carry over. Sultry, smooth, almost nervous. _Don’t worry, I’m nervous too._

“Yeah,” Catra murmurs, eyes glued to the lips before her, “of course.”

“Soooooo I just wanted to check, Scorpia said you and that Lonnie girl are always together...are you like, _together_ together?”

_Hah! Oh, so considerate, don’t worry babe. That’s cute._

“Oh, no no - she’s just my friend. My _best_ friend. Nothing like that.” Catra smiles right into Huntara’s eyes. _Come on, come on!_

_Wow I’m really close to her ear - her earrings are cool. Fuck my heart is beating hard. She smells like pine, like cologne. I kinda like cologne, little heavy though -_

Huntara releases a breath she’d been holding and relaxes. Catra feels the humid air move gently over her cheek, the curve of her neck, cooling the sweat on her chest. 

“Cool,” she sounds so relieved. 

“Yeah,” 

Huntara moves closer. 

_Come on_. Her skin is radiating heat. She’s so buff. This vest looks so good -

“So, could you like, tell me …. Is she single?” 

Oh. 

_Oh_.

God. DAMN. _ITTTTT_!!!! 

_YES, Huntara, yes indeed. Lonnie IS single. Very single. Single, Like me! Trapped in this FUCKING basement, try to kiss that ONE other Queer in here that isn’t my close friend._

_Dammit it to fucking hell. Back to the galaxy of Lonely Lesbians I go._ _Okay, keep it together._ Apparently God's plan did not involve more kisses tonight. Giggle Catra, play it off.

“Yeah...yeah, she’s like, totally single.” _Bye bye kiss, I never knew thee._

A huge grin breaks out on Huntara’s face.

“Oh, _TIGHT_! Hell yeah!” She pumps her fist. 

“Wait, do you think that if I asked to hang out she’d say yes?” Huntara suddenly looked so small. It was actually adorable. 

_Wow, even a star athlete can be a disaster lesbian, huh._

Still feeling deflated and incredibly horny, Catra couldn’t help but smile. Yeah, this was a let down, but honestly she still felt kinda good. Actually, really good. A different type of good, like a warm feeling in her chest was spreading out.

“Yeah, yeah she _totally_ would. She loved your tattoos, remember?” 

_Welp, time to play wingwoman. That’s what Lonnie would do._

Catra smiled.

“I can help you make a plan if you want?”

The look on Huntara’s face was _priceless_. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra and Adora finally get to interact in the club.  
> Unexpected conversations occur.  
> Where will things go from here?
> 
> This is a very long chapter from multiple points of view and varying levels of editing. I hope you get something out of it! Sorry for the typos ;)

_**NOW.** _

Despite her size, Glimmer was both fast and incredibly strong. Add in some alcohol, and she was basically unstoppable. She propelled Bow and Adora with alarming speed towards the door, and it wasn’t until Bow went entirely limp in protest that she slowed down and finally listened to his yelling. 

“Finally! Can you please put me down Glimmer, and Adora - LOOK AT ME! Both of you need to listen. Adora, I take it that you have like, a _big_ crush on this girl. ” Said Bow. It sounded like he was gearing up for a lecture. _Perfect_.

“YES BOW ADORA ONLY HAS BIG CRUSHES -” 

“Yes, thank you Glimmer. Okay, so my point is it that we don’t actually know if Catra knows that, _at all_. We also don’t know how she feels, or what's going on with her. You know?” 

“WELL if she is acting like that,” Glimmer yelled above the music “ then we know enough that she can’t be trusted! Who does what she does!? Who behaves like that Bow? Not anyone that should associate with Adora!” 

“Glimmer, you’re actually being super close minded, a lot of people do that all the time,” Bow was getting frustrated. He was usually level headed but this topic seemed to work him up. 

“We have NO idea what’s happening with her and honestly plenty of people do what she is doing…and more. How she lives her life is up to _her_ ...and maybe this is regular behavior, but maybe it’s like, a ‘ _wild weekend’_ thing? AND also, I BELIEVE that I heard you say just last weekend that you would love to “ _make out with an entire room of people_ ” -

“I WASN'T BEING SERIOUS-”

“But what if you did? It’s not _BAD_ . You love Benny,” one of Bow’s older brothers “-and there was a time where he had a lot of - erm- _fun_ and it was like, really good for him! He just stayed safe and tried his best to be a respectful person and it was cool! And maybe he had a few experiences he regretted but it didn’t make it _bad_. Catra has been absent for a week right? We don’t know what happened and we really don’t have any basis to judge her.” Bow finished, looking around at the two of them hopefully. 

“Still not okay Bow- “

“GLIMMER!” Bow screeched exasperatedly, straining over the music “You’re such a hypocrite! You literally encouraged Mermista last month when she kissed three of her crushes in one night! You said she had _‘nothing to be ashamed of’!_ ” 

Adora sighed absentmindedly, “I was just so sure that she was queer and wouldn't go for dudes like that..and, and that maybe, just maybe she was interested in me like she was in Huntara. Not to mention Derek.” _Bleh._

“Oh Adora.” Bow now sounded like a comforting old man.

“Based on what you said she was in and out of that room with Derek like lightning. Also based on her look at Huntara AND her friends, we have enough to make some assumptions...but even then, we don’t need to because _I_ know that she has been into girls since the 7th grade!”

_Ah._

“And Adora, she might be experiencing what I like to call the _‘Adora Grey effect’_ ” He wiggled his eyebrows with a grin.

“What the hell are you talking about Bow.” _This is so confusing. Why._

“Glimmer? Care to explain?” 

“UGH!! Fine! But this doesn’t mean that you’re right or that we can trust her!” 

Adora snapped. “OKAY will someone PLEASE tell me what the fuck is going on with this effect!?” She hardly ever swore. 

“Okay, okay jeez. Adora, usually, when people get a crush on you, they assume that you either don’t know they exist or you are waaaay out of their league or that you're too good for them. Usually all three, plus all their personal insecurities.” Glimmer said with a huff.

“SO we MIGHT be able to give her the potential hypothetical benefit of the doubt and assume that _maybe_ , just _maybe_ , she likes you back but thinks you are unapproachable and no way could reciprocate those feelings.” 

Glimmer took a breath and rolled her eyes. 

Bow nodded and smiled. 

“But, but...I’m not unapproachable and I know she exists and also, also I’m like...so inexperienced” Adora forced out. “Who would want to even think about doing anything with me?” 

They looked at her dumbfounded. “Um Adora, probably like 3/4ths of the school.” Glimmer said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Well, how did you even come up with the ' _Adora Grey Effect'!?_ ”

“Um, because we’re your _best_ _friends_ and everyone who has had a big crush on you eventually comes to us to pour their hearts out!” Bow yelled gleefully.

“Well why has no one ever asked me out then?!” _This was so irritating!_

“Um... they have. And you said no. Only you didn’t realize that they were asking you out.” Bow said comfortingly. 

“Oh.” _Huh_. 

“My point is,” Bow started, “ that maybe she likes you but doesn’t think you like her back. Or she is scared to express her feelings.”

“But she touched my neck and called me ‘ _stud’_ and I _THINK_ that might be flirting?”

“Uh, yeah that’s flirting -” Glimmer deadpanned.

“Than why doesn’t she SAY the words honestly?!” Adora yelled.

“Well, sometimes it's easier to flirt and play than be honest with your feelings, or even just to feel a situation out. And maybe she doesn’t know if you EVEN like girls back?” Bow explained patiently. 

Oh. _OH_. Adora hadn’t even considered that. And she didn’t get flirting, at all, so that wasn’t a huge surprise. 

“NO, guys, I don’t think so,” Glimmer angrily restarted her original point, “even if she does like Adora, even if she _is_ queer - I don’t like that she _SAW_ Adora and then did what she did. Also she is clearly a player, and _not_ to be trusted.” 

“Glimerrrrrrr….” Bow growled. “You're doing it again...”

“Yeah Glimmer,” Adora had been chewing on her lip, thinking, “ this is making me a little uncomfortable too. And honestly Bow is making sense now...it’s just so easy to paint her as the bad guy, but maybe it _is_ the effect thingy you’re talking about. I feel upset... but I don’t think she would _actually_ do anything to intentionally play with me,” _at least any more than she did in class_ , “ it’s impossible to sort things -

“Look at the facts Adora, she already toyed with you in class -”

“Glimmer stop you’re just planting seeds of doubts for Adora-” 

“Hear me out-”

Adora turned away to cut out the sound of their bickering. 

So many thoughts, so many feelings, _so_ many uncomfortable belly sensations. It was so simple to believe that Catra was intentionally trying to play with her, but something inside tried to call her towards a bigger picture. 

_Bow’s reasoning did make some sense now, but it’s still hard to believe that someone as hot would go for me. But if lots of people have, then maybe it was true for her too? Catra was really flirty, it’s true, but she was also sort of awkward when she let her guard down, and when she did apologize she took it really seriously, I think. Does she flirt with other people??_

_“Thoughts aren’t facts. Feelings aren’t facts.”_ Mara’s favorite saying rang through her head. _Ugh, then what is a fact right now? What’s the right story?_

She scrunched her face waiting for a conclusion to emerge from the soupy depths...nothing. The lights were starting to bother her eyes and she could feel one of those overstimulation headaches fast approaching. She was craving fresh air. She needed a quiet place to think. She _wanted_ to curl up in a ball and not move. _Well, I guess one fact is that I have very, very strong feelings. And things feel very, very dramatic but … maybe they aren’t really? Maybe-_

Suddenly there was a huge surge in the crowd - something was going on- people started yelling - seems like someone was doing a keg stand? _Ew_. 

“ _Hey, watch it_!” ,“ _Fuck off_!”, “ _Ouch_!” rang out around her. 

The crowd was a disorganized sea of bodies, squishing and jostling and pushing around, and without warning Bow and Glimmer were shoved into Adora’s back with enough force to topple the three of them. Adora was pitched forward with Bow and Glimmer at her back and knocked into a few more people, bracing herself to hit the floor. But she didn’t. She landed on something else - no _someone -_ who had the misfortune of passing by her at this exact moment. Someone who smelled very good and felt very warm.

“Aghhhhh do you mind? You’re crushing me!!” panted an all-to-familiar breathless raspy voice. 

Oh _no_.

\----------------------------------

Adora’s eyes sprang open with her arms extended and palms on the floor. Sprawled out beneath her in all her leather clad glory was - _oh my_ \- Catra. Adora was stunned, she felt like a wordless oaf as she looked into the gold and blue eyes beneath her, which mirrored her own expression of surprise. Catra's glossy curls were splayed out around her head, her bare shoulders looked a little flushed and there were freckles dotting the tops of them. Her upper arms were, as Adora suspected, incredibly smooth - she could feel them where their arms touched. Her little red tank top had definitely pushed up a bit and Adora could feel the warmth of her abdomen through her shirt. She gulped thinking about what it might feel like with _out_ a layer of fabric between them. At first, Catra’s body had tensed when they collided and made impact on the floor, but she was relaxed now and was sort of, like, seemed comfortable?

It was almost overwhelming to see her at this angle….it did things - _more things_ \- to Adora’s stomach. She felt like a rocket was going off inside her chest but shooting directly between her legs. _Whoa, she is so beautiful._ Catra’s lips looked even softer from here and her upper lip had a sheen of sweat on it, her cheeks were rosy even in the darkness near the floor. She looked present and relaxed. Even as she lay on this gross floor, she was smiling a little and her eyes were suddenly so..unguarded. Her face looked like it did after Adora accepted her apology - grateful and excited, and so relieved. As Catra took a massive breath her chest rose and fell and Adora felt it through her entire body, and somehow sank a little lower into Catra’s. _Was she comfortable like this?_ Adora’s leg was squished between Catra’s and she could feel the smooth leather against her pants. She shifted her weight and accidentally pressed her leg down and felt Catra shudder - was that a moan? Adora could feel heat pooling between her legs again. _Oh fuck, am I really this pervy?_ In the tumble Cata’s hands had flown up to Adora’s sides, her palms suddenly resting softly against her ribcage. Her hands were hot, but also gentle...so gentle. It felt like Catra wanted her there. And in fact, Catra lightly stroked down her side and pulled her body down just a tiny bit. 

It felt like they were looking at each other for an eternity before either of them regained their sense of speech. 

“Uhhhhhhhhhh...hey?” Adora finally managed to say dumbly, feeling like a star-struck puppy.

“H-hey Adora.” She was clearly trying to manage something smooth and sarcastic, but her face betrayed the similar sense of awe that Adora was struggling to tame. 

“Um...it’s lovely to see you?” Adora tried. _Really? After all that brainstorming with Bow and Glimmer you talk like you’re in the 1950’s? GOD!_

“Hah!” Catra threw her head back and giggled, “It’s _lovely_ to see you too.” Again, it was supposed to be sarcastic, but her genuine smile was unmistakeable along with a big blush. Adora could feel Catra's chuckle echo inside her. 

It was a smile - a _real_ smile! Adora didn’t feel quite as sick anymore - not by a long shot. Her heart was still pounding and she did feel a little nauseous from all the jealousy, but she also felt confident - Catra was looking at _her_. Sure, she didn't really have a choice, but she was looking at _her_ like _that._ Catra didn’t look this honest when she was with Derek _or_ Huntara- _wait, why wasn’t she with Huntara_ \- they were together like 3 minutes ago! Did she run away? 

Something that felt like jealousy and hope bubbled in her stomach, she was feeling better - _ESPECIALLY_ with Catra’s hands resting so gently on her body.

Catra took a deep breath again, her body rose and fell, and it was like the most beautiful thing Adora felt in a long time. Her bra straps were hanging out of her tank top and falling loose on the floor. Adora thought about doing this with Catra in a different setting...somewhere..,nice? Private? _Oh my god I'm so creepy!_ She felt her chest tighten. It sounded like Catra was having just as much trouble catching her breath from this sensual stare off. _Oh, wait, she’s being crushed, that's why - she can’t breathe! But she hasn’t said anything yet - does that mean she likes this position? Wait, POSITION? Agh brain, stop it!_

 _“GET A ROOM!_ ” “ _MOVE_ ” “- _ewww the fucking floor!!!_ ” - a chorus of cries suddenly came into focus. 

_Oh right, we’re on a crowded dance floor and in the middle of a stampede of drunk people, about to get pummpled_. She would have stayed like that all night if she could, and it seemed like Catra wasn’t in too much of a hurry to get out from under her either, but she really didn’t want anyone to step on Catra’s hair, or for her tank top to soak up any more of this disgusting grime.

“UGHHH” groaned Glimmer as Bow hauled her up. Adora pushed herself onto her feet, feeling more than a little creepy that she was missing Catra’s warmth beneath her. _Adora come on!_ She smiled sheepishly and offered her hand to Catra, who had started to sit up and shake her legs awake. She took it guiltily, oddly quiet and almost shy. As she pulled her to her feet, Catra was still a little off balance and bumped into Adora in a full body press, their faces coming dangerously close together. 

“Oh sorry!” Catra squealed, sounding like an embarrassed child and flashed the most adorable grin. She looked so goofy and caught off guard and nervous. It was so cute! They made eye contact and she quickly looked away. 

“Are you okay ?” Adora sputtered out.

“Y-yeah, I’m okay.” Catra blurted right back. Somehow her hand had wandered to Adora’s hip when she was off balance. Catra seemed to realize this as Adora looked down, and she yanked it away. 

“Ah sorry!” she squealed again. 

“Thats okay!” Adora was feeling more than confident at this point. If Catra was acting like this silly sheepish kid and she looked how Adora was feeling, maybe Bow _was_ right and Catra had no idea about her crush, and might actually reciprocate? “Catra, I-”

“YOU! Hands off. Stay where you are!” Glimmer yelled over the music, pointing a threatening finger directly at Catra, who was instantly caught off guard, her eyes wide like a very confused deer in the headlights.

Glimmer whipped her head to Adora “OUTSIDE NOW!” she commanded. 

"The fuck!?” Catra muttered as Adora was swept away. 

Glimmer grabbed Adora and Bow and all but dragged them behind her to the stairwell, up two flights and out into the open where they gulped in the fresh air.

“Glimmer what the hell?! We were just starting to talk!” Adora hissed, starting to wonder exactly how many drinks Glimmer had downed in this short amount of time. 

“TALK? _TALK_?! Adora, the only talking to that girl you’re going to do is the silent treatment -”

“That doesn’t make sense-”

"-because she is no good and mean Adora, she’s toying with your heart - _you said it yoursel_ f!”

_A LOT, glimmer had had a lot of drinks._

“No I didn’t -”

“Yes you DID! You said it, you said it.” Glimmer responded.

“Glimmmmeerrrr” Bow scolded. 

“WHAT?”

They were shouting in the middle of the sidewalk. _Fuck how is this my life, I’m never like this._

“SO why are you still trying to talk to this girl who you _know_ is a tease -”

“I said NO SUCH THING GLIMMER!” Adora said firmly, trying to reign the conversation’s volume.

“She’s a _TEASE_ Adora, you called it. A player and a TEASE -” 

"Glimmerrrr….” Bow was angry again “Glimmer NOT OKAY..”

“You said it Adora!” Glimmer yelled again. 

"No I didn't-"

"You called her a -"

“What did you call me?” said an icy voice from behind her. 

Oh no. _no no no._

Adora felt like she was moving in slow motion as she turned on her heel to find a very flushed and very dangerous looking Catra rising out of the stairwell. 

“Uhhhhh...Hi.” Was all Adora could say. 

Catra looked back viciously. Her entire body was bathed in the orange light from a sodium street lamp - the kind that makes the world yellow- and she looked like a terrifying, leather clad creature of immeasurable power. The sweat was gleaming on her shoulders, and her skin looked darker and somewhat muted, her bright red shirt was suddenly a weird, flat brown, like a bizarrely edited photograph. _God this light was really messing with my vision - or was it the half-shot I took?_ things were definitely starting to feel strange. The leather studs in Catra’s pants flashed like little gold coins, and Adora could have sworn she saw electricity crackle across her black nails. 

Catra’s yellow eye was practically burning in this light, and her blue eye seemed to be a hue of green. Adora felt sick and scared of looking too deeply into them. 

“What did you call me?” She repeated, a little deeper this time. Her voice was lowering and it sounded increasingly deadly while her expression was contorting into a sneer. It momentarily switched from a sneer, to a blank stare and then, and then...and then Adora caught a flash of the emotion lying so close to the surface this veneer and...

Oh no. She was hurting. Badly. Her eyes flashed hot rage and then something tender and terrified - fear and shame. Like a little kid getting picked on, but holding strong. Fragile and outnumbered, but strong. Catra seemed to recognize Adora’s realization and set her jaw and tried her damndest to produce her most vile smirk. It could have fooled Adora if she hadn’t seen a crack in the mask.

“I said...WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME.” She spat out, clenching her fists and rising to her full height. It was undoubtedly frightening, but Adora could sense that this was a person who was trying their absolute hardest to save face and not break down in tears. 

She could do this, she could talk her down, explain things. Adora would rescue this night, apologize, tell her how she felt and confess, ask questions, save this moment. She would get them out the other side to safety where they would be able to chat maybe even laugh things out - in private, in a quiet place.

_I can do this._

She took a deep breath to settle herself and put on a little smile. 

“Catra, it’s good to see you. I missed you and I wanted to talk with y -”

“A TEASE!!” Glimmer shot out from behind Adora, into the middle of the ring of light right between them, eye burning and speech slurring. 

“GLIMMER!” bow launched forward but Glimmer cut him off. 

“A TEASE Catra - because you’re a tease! And you play with people - you play with Adora -”

_Oh no, oh fuck no_ \- 

“ - we know how you are with Adora, she told us _everything_ -” 

Now the yellow light was transporting them to another dimension where only the four of them existed in this pool of strange color surrounded by a void of darkness. Time felt like it was jerking them along at a stop-and-go pace timed with Glimmer's harsh words words, and. Adora could hear the murumers and judgments of some onlookers, as if they were on some freakish stage performing a sickening emotional tragedy for an invisible audience. 

_Again, HOW is this my life!? This has never, ever happened._

Catra was breathing hard, gearing up for what looked like a full throttle attack, talons and all.

“ - And _YOU_ don’t have any right to play with her! Just because YOU run around hooking up with people like some sort of - sort of -” 

“GLIMMER!” Bow was panicking and pleading, trying to catch hold of Glimmer who was _also_ superhumanly fast while inebriated. 

“-sluty asshole!!” 

The words rang out. 

Bow clapped his hands on his face and two tears escaped his eyes. “Too far Glim, too far..” he whispered into the night. 

Adora felt like her stomach was dropping through the earth’s crust. 

Catra was fuming, positively radiating hate. She was so mad that she couldn't seem to find here voice, just glaring at Glimmer with complete disdain. Adora swore she saw tears welling up in those eyes.

“Shut the fuck up.” Catra said darkly. “Shut the actual fuck up.” Was all she could seem to manage through her gritted teeth. 

"You don’t know me -”

“Oh you have no ground to stand on right now!” Glimmer was totally out there now, it was impossible to reel her back in when she was like this with physically wrangling her up and carrying her off. 

Catra stalked closer, her muscles were tense like a monster preparing to pounce and rip something apart. Adora was holding her breath and frozen in place. She wanted to barf - for the _millionth_ time - and run away.

Catra got right in Glimmer’s face. She was panting, somehow rising further into the air, then in voice that seemed and octave lower than the last -

“You..don’t know what you’re talking about - ” 

But she didn't finish the sentence. She scoffed, simply turned on her heel and walked off abruptly towards the edge of the light. Adora could see her shoulders starting to shake but she didn’t reach up to wipe any tears. She knew how to do this, how to save face in front of public shaming. She kicked the nearest trashcan as hard as she could, spraying garbage everywhere and stalked off into the night. 

She had cracked, and she was too proud to let anyone see it. 

\-----------------------

Adora let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding. Adora could hear her heart pounding in her ears as the silence stretched a few eternal minutes. Glimmer was still panting, radiating adrenaline, while Bow stood quietly massaging his forehead. 

She could hear voices now, emerging from the stairs. It was Scorpia, Lonnie and Huntara. Scorpia was looking around like a concerned mother who lost her child, while Lonnie and Huntara were gabbing away without a care in the world, like a pair of long lost friends. 

“Hey have you guys seen our friend -” Scorpia began

“CATRA!” Lonnie called out happily, she jogging into the darkness down the block towards Catra silhouette. “Wait, where are you going?”

_Oh god._

Scorpia took in the surroundings, frozen. There was Glimmer, seething like drunken royalty, crouched and preparing to strike. Bow, a concerned and defeated expression plastered to his face, his cowereing body language the perfect essence of ‘ _I failed to stop my drunk friend from burning this situation to the ground_ ’, and there was Adora, standing like a stunned fish gaping at everything. 

“Oh no,” scorpia murumerd, piecing things together. “I thought I heard her voice…”

“Whose voice?!” Huntara bulldozed into the conversation, completely unaware of the razor sharp tension that hung between every living thing in the vicinity. 

_Read the room Huntara._

“Oh, hey Adora!” She boomed obliviously, but Adora didn’t miss the edge of superiority in her tone. _Ugh_.

“We’re looking for our friend uh...Catra!” Huntara said, cocking her head to the side and scrunching her eyebrows. 

“She has like, curly hair - she’s wearing super cute leather pants tonight -” 

“YEAH and I bet you're REEEALL excited to see what’s under them!” Spat Glimmer, having found a fresh target for wherever this emotional storm was whipping up. 

“Huh??!” Huntara seemed totally baffled. “ I mean...she’s really cute -” 

_-oh fuck, kill me, just stop_ -

“ - but definitely not my type -” 

she mused, looking up at the light thoughtfully. _Sleaze ball. Also...WHAT?! What’s wrong with you? Catra is incredible!_

“- but she’s totally fucking awesome!!” She sidled up to Adora, dropping her voice to a low stage whisper that everyone could hear. 

_-Oh lord_ _please don’t Huntara, please don’t -_

 _"She’s gonna help me plan a suuuper cute way to ask her best friend out! Lonnie!!”_ she wiggled her eyebrows and winked.

“ I’m SO pumped bro!” She yelled at full volume to the street. 

_God what a meathead, but also YES! Also FUCK! Damn it! They DIDN’T kiss. I’m so stupid! Bow was right I was jumping to conclusions and now THIS mess-_

“YOU BITCH!!”

Lonnie burst out of the shadows like a fireball, barreling directly toward Glimmer with such power that Adora was certain she was about to tackle her like this was an actual Rugby match. 

“How fucking _dare_ you fucking talk to Catra like that!” Lonnie belted out. 

Adora could tell that Glimmer was piecing things together and internally admitting that she _may_ have jumped to some conclusions and crossed many, many lines in the worst ways. Unfortunately she wasn’t about to back down, even if she was in the wrong... _and she was so deep, deep in the wrong._

“What the fuck is your problem!?” said Lonnie forcefully, drawing in close, 

“You called her a what?! A _tease_ ? A _slut_ ? What fucking world are you living in girl? It’s not okay slut-shame and use that language _ever_ , towards _anyone_ , and I’ll be dammed if you say it to my best friend!”

“Well she was running around and messing with -”

“You don’t know what the fuck she was doing!” hissed Lonnie, clenching her fists. “Shut up. Just shut up, you and your popular piece of shit superior attitude. If you had the week she did - no, the _life_ she did, you’d want to go out and have some fun - _or at least try to_ \- and not be judged for once in your life. But no, she can’t! Even when she practically does _NOTHING_ \- she has you, some random stranger who hasn’t given her the time of fucking day until now, barking down her throat and throwing dirty laundry - _FAKE dirty laundry_ and accusations - everywhere. You, for some reason think you can just what? Just scream at someone for trying to experience life. And here you are saying whatever will cut deepest, because why? You want to make yourself feel better? You want to ALWAYS be on top? You don’t give a shit about people's feelings?” 

“No, because _she_ doesn’t give a shit about other people's feelings - about Adora’s feelings -”

“Glimmer stop-” Adorawas shaking her head.

“- and she was TRYING to make her jealous. And if someone crosses Adora, they have to deal with me! She was doing a great job of fucking with Adora’s head tonight and I am NOT standing by!”

Lonnie laughed and pinched the bridge of her nose with exasperation and raised her head slowly. 

“Okay, what the ACTUAL fucking _fuck_ are you saying here? This is like, so random. What does Adora have to do with this? Also, _who_ are you again? Do you even _know_ Catra? I’m so confused by your logic.” She took a massive breath. “How did you even get to this topic of and WHY do you people even CARE! Have you EVER taken the time to even get to know her? To even say _hello_?”

Lonnie started to pace back and forth “What did you say she was “ _TRYING_ ” to do? Make Adora jealous? By what, how could she do that, kissing the boy you like, Adora?” She turned to Adora now, “She didn’t _know._ She wouldn’t do something like that on _purpose -_ especially if it made _you_ uncomfortable, she actually _really_ _likes_ having a class with you. She just wanted to try something new and harmless. AND If you’re interested in a douche bag like that, you should know that Catra said he was a real ass and couldn’t kiss for shit. I would _highly_ recommend finding someone else.” Lonie was beside herself with contempt. 

She looked scornfully at them, but she must have caught something in Adora’s expression that signalled the situation had _veeryy_ little to do with Adora’s non-existent crush on Derek Vernson and everything to do with Catra Weaver. 

Lonnie scrutinized Adora, and her face slowly shifted to confusion then recognition.

“Wait….Adora...do you...like..?” Lonnie was staring at her in disbelief. 

Adora blushed - HARD. “I...uh. We have a class - ”

“Ohhhh. Oh. _Huh_ .” Lonnie was lost in thought. “So you’re saying that _Adora_ is...jealous..?”

“UH-HUH! DUH! “ Glimmer stomped her foot.

“I’m right here Glimmer!” If she wasn't so agitated she would be crying with frustration at glimmer right now.

“ _Duh_ she was jealous,” Glimmer went on, “with Catra acting like that.”

“Uhhh, yeahhhhhh….” Lonnie replied, “Well, that’s gonna be a really big news drop for Catra because she definity thinks you don’t know she exists outside of history class -”

“ _THE ADORA GREY EFFECT_! I knew it!” Bow burst out.

“ - yeah I’m gonna ignore whatever the fuck you're e talking about over there Bow, but YEAH. You like her? That will be a real big shock for her.” Lonnie huffed.

“ _WAIT_ ,” Scorpia cut in gaping at Adora, “ARE YOU saying that YOU like Catra back?!?” 

“Jesus Scorpia,” Lonnie snapped, “aren’t you following any of this?”

_Wait...liked her back? Wait...Catra? Did that mean….oh._

_HELL YEAH. But also...goddam. Fuck._

“Hmmm” Scorpia continued, “ I _did_ think it was super weird that she was _so_ into that soccer game…the only other time I’ve seen her cheer is when I _bet_ her 10 bucks and a milkshake to scream for 5 minutes straight.” Adora’s heart gave a little jump and a flip. _The soccer game, she was  cheering for me! _

Scorpia tapped her finger on her face thoughtfully, then brightened up, 

“Well that’s great! Ya both like each other? You guys can just go hang out! Totally cute!” She finished, proud of this extremely novel idea. 

“AWWWWW I love LOVE!” Huntara babbled, clutching her drink. Her eyes had little stars in them. 

“HAH!” Lonnie practically spat the word out. “YEAH RIGHT! There will be NO hanging out! After the shit you just said to her? I think the fuck not.” Lonnie looked at Glimmer, then Adora, “There is NO WAY I’m letting you near her. She doesn’t need _anyone_ else in her life that is gonna talk to her like that. Stay away from her. ” 

“But I didn’t -”

“But Adora didn’t-” Bow tried.

Lonnie cut them off. “Nope, save it. Birds of a feather flock together, to you all can take your bullying-ass-better-than-thou feathers the fuck away from my best friend and get lost.”

She gave them one last disgusted look, whipped around and vanished into the darkness.

\--------------------------------------------------------

  
  


_OH FUCK NO DONT CRY DONT CRY._

_Fuck this sucks, this really fucking sucks. I’m really gonna cry. Again. Who is this bitch!_

Glimmer was shouting into Catra’s face, but she could barely hear her over the buzzing in her ears. This night was so fucked, she hated it. So many ups and downs, so many expectations she didn’t even know she had -

“...some kind of sluty asshole!”

_Ugh. Now we’re slut shaming? Who is this girl?_

_Don’t cry. Please don’t. You can do this._

Nope. Need to leave, _now_.

After Catra managed to whip her body around and give the trashcan a half hearted kick, she was safely in the shadows and let the tears fall. 

_FUCK ME._

She ambled down the sidewalk, trying to have the quietest of breakdowns while the sounds of talking and shouting nice grew fainter and began to fade. 

It had just been so cute! The expression on Huntara’s face had cheered her right up and out of her gloom and doom session as she gloated over the potential Lonnie date, and even Catra was getting excited for them!

And _THEN_ !? Getting squashed by Adora in a crowd! Holy shit had she never been so thrilled to be pinned on a gross dancefloor! She was ecstatic! Thrilled! Enthralled! They were so close and Adora just felt so _nice_! So _right_. Those gorgeous eyes that close, her expression of surprise and delight, her arms on either side - _her lips looked so edible._

And Adora! Adora was happy - well, it looked like it at least. _I would have stayed there all night if it was an option - beer stains and all!_ She was certain that Adora was feeling it too. Well, whatever Adora felt, Catra would take it. For sure.

And _then_ ? Then this humiliating, colossal shit show of a truth bomb slammed into her like an avalanche of turds. _So...that's what she thinks of me._ Her tears came back double - _fuck I can’t remember the last time I cried so much in one week._

“Catra! Catra, wait up! Where the hell are you -” When Lonnie caught sight of her face she stopped. 

“Dude...what happened?” 

“Uugh Lonnie..” Catra had cried in front of Lonnie only four times, and _oh man,_ they were about to ring in the fifth like it was a golden anniversary. 

“I- ahh - Adora - Glimmer” She was taking heaving breaths while trying to formulate a sentence, punctuated by sobs. Then Lonnie’s arms were around her and she just bawled like a fucking drunk girl who had the worst week, then almost had the most beautiful make-out session on the grossest floor in the city, but instead got publicly roasted like a fucking Tofurky at Scropia’s yearly Winter Solstice feast. She cried and cried and choked out enough for Lonnie to understand. Lonnie said - “I’m gonna get Scorp and we’re leaving.” And ran off. 

Catra was grateful for a moment of recovery. More shouting behind her, then two pairs of hurried footsteps that caught up with her. 

“Hey Catra.”

“Hey wildcat.”

“Hey guys.” 

And then they walked in silence for a long time back towards Scorpia’s. Catra couldn't formulate thoughts and couldn’t muster embarrassment for how much she was crying. It just _sucked_. She had even _more_ tears stored up apparently. The past week, the exhaustion, the sadness that seemed to arrive on her emotional doorstep, and _then_ this night of highs and lows that was topped off with a Grade-A nightmare : a good old fashioned, assumptive slut-shaming shouting match from one of the most popular kids in the school. 

She felt like the number one loser. 

_Fuck_. She needed a rest. 

“Catra-” 

“I really can’t right now Scorpia-”

“I know, I was just wondering if you wanted to spend the night at my house?” 

“I..I really should get home,” Catra murmured through tears. She _really_ needed to cry this one out and did not want witnesses, thank you very much, but the thought of her old empty house sounded like the perfect way to just intensify whatever downward spiral that was threatening to take hold. With a gulp she realized that things were not feeling particularly...stable inside. 

Lonnie, mind-reader that she was, made a declaration.

“Look, Catra, Scorpia and I have been talking - well, exchanging thoughts through our knowing glances-” 

Catra couldn’t stifle the giggle -

“- and we think that you shouldn’t be alone tonight, at least not in that empty-ass-recently-poisoned house that you literally just devoted your life to for the past week. You should sleep at Scorpia’s - _I can stay too_ \- and we can all sleep in the same room, or if you need space you can have the whole room to yourself.” She took a breath and added,

“Tonight is not the night for loneliness.” 

Something about the way Lonnie said the last sentence was like a wave crashing over Catra’s head. She had felt _very_ alone earlier, but now she had them here. It still felt lonely inside - but they weren’t going to let her isolate herself physically, and maybe that was enough. Catra stopped and turned to them. Her lips trembled while she whispered “thanks” and that was all she could say before bursting into tears and covering her face. Scorpia engulfed her in a bear hug and murmured “ _I gotcha Wildcat._ ” and Catra wept like the demoralized kitten she truly was. She despised feeling like this - so vulnerable and seen, and the physical contact felt so conflicting to her. She knew she needed it badly right now, but years of shame had played it’s part and she was often so scared of touching girls or other queer people, like there was a demon on her shoulder holding her back from fully enjoying any physical contact. She knew Lonnie felt the same, but could feel some awkward back patting going on. Scorpia’s pro-hug family and general demeanor allowed her to dodge that bullet in some way, and thus she was the resident hugger of the group. Always there. 

Catra felt herself being lifted and wrapped in Lonnie’s jacket like a littlebaby bundle - _fuck this! fuck this so fucking hard_ \- and rocked gently - _how is Scorpia still walking?_ It felt _so_ foreign to have this nurturing touch. It felt disgusting. It felt great. She let herself go. 

“I f-feel so stupid.” She managed to force out between sobs. 

“Shhhh Wildcat you're not stupid,” Scorpia said, clearly living for this moment. It highlighted pretty much all her strengths. 

Catra thought Lonnie would be snickering at this point, but when she caught a glimpse of her, she noticed that Lonnie was hurrying to wipe big tears away too. 

“Yeah Catra,” she said through a constricted throat “You’re not stupid at all. Crying is...uh...healthy. My aunt always says ‘ _it gets the mad and sad out of you,_ ’ heh. All of us would be doing the same things if that bitch talked to us like that - ” 

“- Actually I would probably be crying more -” interjected Scorpia 

“ - and they had no right to say any of that to you.” Lonnie was mad crying now. 

Scorpia leaned down and whispered - quite loudly “She really got upset back there Catra, I thought she was gonna fight that Glimmer girl rugby style”

Catra laughed with tears sliding down her face “Ugh, that asshole.” 

“Yeah, Glimmer really lost it back there...Adora -” 

“-I don’t want to talk about it-” Catra’s mood fell farther and she felt gross, sticky and dirty all over again. _Perfect Adora talking behind her back. Calling her a tease. A slut. Ugh I’m gonna puke._

 _“-okay. ”_ Scorpia clamped down. “Lonnie might be the better person to deliver that news.” 

“Too soon, Scorp, too soon.” 

_Bless you Lonnie, thank you_ . But it did peak her interest. _What news? What happened?_ It didn’t sound bad by the way they were talking about it. 

Catra definitely had a few more rounds of tears to get out before any conversations could be had. 

\-------

She fell into a strange, interrupted sleep in Scorpia’s bed. The alcohol made her restless and she felt so overstimulated from like, the intense verbal lashing she received, but also so deeply painfully tired. So tired. Like Catra Van Winkle tired. It was a distressing mix of things to curl up with and go to sleep. 

Lonnie and Scorpia gave Catra the room because they knew she needed some privacy to clean up, but the second she got settled in Scorpia’s bed in the emptiness of the room, she panicked and asked them to sleep with her. They took the floor and little couch while Catra allowed their comforting sounds of their breathing sooth her while she cried herself to sleep. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Holy shit. Holyyy shit shit shit. Wow. What the fuck?_ Dazed and numb. Numb and dazed. So many feelings. So lost. 

She was looking out in the the darkness from Bow’s car window, the vehicle swaying with the bumps in the road on the way back to her house. It felt like the inside of the car was stuck at the bottom of the deep sea. Silent, muffled, dark and silent. Her ears were buzzing in the quiet and everything sounded so sad and fuzzy. 

She was angry, confused, stunned, numb.... _What just happened?_ _Catra likes me back! Catra had a hard week? What happened? Was she hurt? She’s been judged...so much, and by who?_

Adora felt disgusted with herself, the type of disgust you feel when you stood by and let someone get ripped to shreds. The embarrassment of your secrets on full display. The shame of being best friends with the bully. 

And Catra- _oh god_ \- what a nightmare for her. Adora felt guilty all over again for judging her, she felt embarrassed FOR her as the target, she felt such a powerful longing to wrap her arms around this girl and comfort and ask for forgiveness and ask to kiss her all at once.

Bow was driving like a zombie, body stiff and eyes glued to the road. He was beside himself with anger, Adora could feel it practically vibrating in the energy of the car. Glimmer was sitting sullenly in the backseat. She knew she was wrong - _so wrong,_ like I-fucked-up-so-bad wrong - but wasn’t going to admit it yet. Covering her shame with righteous anger, or whatever the hell she was doing in her mental gymnastics routine to sidestep the blame for the time being. She also knew that she should _not_ , _under any circumstance,_ open her mouth. 

Bow pulled up and let Glimmer out. 

“Bye Glim.”

“Bye.”

They drove off into the night silently. 

“Adora?” 

“Yeah?”

“How ya doin?”

“Ummm…” _I don’t know._

_Numb? Shocked? Overwhelmed?_

_Yeah, I’ll settle for overwhelmed._

“I’m overwhelmed Bow.” 

“Yeah...I believe you. I am too...and if _I_ am, then you must be super overwhelmed. That was just...so bad.”

“So bad.” 

“So bad.” 

“Yeah Bow. I don’t know what to say.”

“Then you don’t need to say anything,” he said warmly. “Just call me when you do want to talk?”

“Okay. I will. I’m gonna need...help.” 

They rode the rest of the way in silence.

\--

As Adora unlocked the front door, she inhaled a breath of the Pine trees that were gently rustling beside the house. Stepping inside felt like entering a cocoon after the buzzing harshness of the night. The house smelled like apples and cardamom and Adora imagined sweet clouds of it wrapping around her body. She took in a huge breath and released it, pausing to listen to the familiar silence. It felt strange after so much noise. Her ears were still buzzing from the loud bass.

Razz left a light on for her, a soft rosy glow radiated from the lamp in the corner, casting fuzzy shadows over the couch and chairs of their crammed, dark living room. A cozy little cave. She sank into her favorite chair - the magenta one with worn out gold floral embroidery - and let her eyes wander over the photos that filled the wall and the assortment of instruments glowing from their perches. The rich brown of guitars and silver of horns glinted in the soft glow like faces smiling down on her. When heavy winds blew the house, sometimes the interments sang - _just a little_ \- with the gusts. 

Mara’s old harp sat serene in the corner, the graceful golden curves flowing and shimmering before her eyes. Adora let out another massive sigh and let her head fall back, relaxing into the cushions. Flickers of the night flashed before her eyes but they went out just as quickly. _My brain is protecting me,_ she thought _._ She couldn’t focus on anything specific now, so she gave up trying and just resigned to the closest set of emotions. 

Regret for what this night was, and longing for what it could have been. 

She sat quiet, alone, listening to the antique clock tick away in the corner, watching the light reflect in the stained glass window, noticing every place in the room that was illuminated. The magical chandelier with a thousand tiny crystals refracting rainbows through the warm darkness; Razz’s heirloom Menorah gleaming with it’s lace golden designs; medals and trophies that Mara won for music, fencing, running, softball. She let the calm familiarity of the room to ease her body into safety. 

She stood up quietly when she heard a door creak open inside the house. A toilet flushed, then soft slippers padded down the hallway and poked around the corner, and Mara stepped into view, bundled in a cushy blue bathrobe and squinting in the light. 

“Hey squirt”, she said, smiling warmly, the soft light playing across her dark hair that coiled over her shoulder in it’s nighttime braid. 

“Hey,” Adora forced back. She gave a week smile but avoided eye contact “was just gonna go to bed-”

“You look cute Adora,” she smiled knowingly. “So grown.” 

“Thanks -” 

“Cute and sad.” 

Now silence hangs between them. Adora pretends to look at her nails. 

She walks over to the lamp and reaches to turn it off, but Mara catches her wrist gently

“Look at me Adora.” she says softly.

Adora has to, so she does.

The light illuminates Mara’s big brown eyes the color of Redwood trees, and it feels like Adora is looking into the safest darkness in the world, the warmest place to curl up. All knowing eyes, loving eyes, eyes that watched her and raised her and kept her safe. The eyes of her childhood idol, her protector, the foundation of her youth - her majestic, unstoppable older sister. Her hair and dark brown skin make Adora _feel_ the word ‘home’ in her bones. 

Adora slowly steps forward and rests her head in the soft blue cushion of the robe and lets the tears begin to fall. Mara wraps arms around her - she can't reach all the way around any more because Adora is so broad - and pats her back. 

“It was such a bad night.” 

Pause. 

“Are you hurt?” 

“Uh…” sniffles. “Not physically I guess.”

“I hear you. Do you want to talk about it?”

“I...I…” Adora stiffened a moment. I can’t.” 

“Tomorrow?”

Adora nods silently into the fluff. 

“I think I could use some advice.”

  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the last chapter, there was so much that happened! Adora lying on top of Catra in the club; Glimmer being a horrible jerk to Catra; Adora learns that Catra likes her and did NOT kiss Huntara ; both Catra and Adora have gone home in shambles and are comforted by friends and family. 
> 
> AND NOW WE CONTINUE 
> 
> Different POVs.  
> Important conversations occur.  
> Catra cries a swears a lot in general in true character.  
> \--------------  
> HI!! Sorry to leave you hanging from the last chapter!! That was a rough one full of so much drama and you're been waiting so well.
> 
> So I wanted to get this out soon but life came up and this one took SO long to edit...I've read it through so many times but sorry for the typos that I didn't catch....I know they are in here. ugh. 
> 
> For full transparency : he next chapters might take a bit longer because I need to churn out a new batch of content for this, and then edit it down. I'll try to get it to ya sooner rather than later, but I might pull a writing marathon and rough draft like, 60 pages and then tackle it, so it could be around 5 -10 business days ;) 
> 
> Also : Happy weekend!!I hope this makes someone's night if you're a night owl - reader.

**_NOW._ **

**_\---------_ **

Catra woke up groggy and confused The morning light was dismal and grey, and it took her a few minutes to really register the surroundings. There was Scorpia’s dancing squirrel poster beside the bunny lamp the group got her as a birthday present. And there was Scorpia, sprawled out on the floor and happily snoring, while Lonnie was curled on the couch smiling in her sleep. Lucky bastard, who gets to smile in their sleep? 

Memories of last night suddenly hit Catra like a sack of potatoes, and she remembered why she had a pit in stomach. No, the hangover she had was not from alcohol, it was a whopping emotional hangover that made her feel sticky and shameful all over again. She decided she would take the alcohol version over this any day.

The night came flooding back to her now - the blurry lights, the sounds, the bodies, the look on Huntara’s face, the incredible sensation of being squashed by Adora on a disgusting surface and all she could think about how romantic it was. Warmth rose in her belly. And then the bizarre little hell she found herself in, bathed in yellow lights with that powerful little pink-haired girl staring her down like she was Satan, and her stomach somehow found a way to sink lower. 

Everything felt surreal right now. The events of last night had only happened, what, eight hours ago? It felt like a blink of an eye and an eternity at the same time. Catra couldn’t seem to stop thinking about what happened from a million different perspectives. Her emotions were flipping back and forth and up and down in, oscillating between the narratives of the evening, her mind switching angels faster than she could keep up. The whole confrontation felt so intense, so horrible and dramatic when it happened, but right now, she felt removed as if she had been an onlooker the entire time. If she thought about staring into Glitter’s eyes it would feel real again, a horrendous, unforgivable, humiliating sin of an experience, but then a switch would flip, and suddenly she felt like the whole thing was just one really regrettable drunk conflict spurned by misunderstanding, but totally forgivable. Then she switched back to it being the worst moment of her life, and then back to just a really shitty thing that she would forget soon enough. 

The one thing she really was struggling with was _where_ this Glimmer girl was coming from. Why was she so vehement with her accusations? Why was she hell-bent on screaming Catra down with such an extreme rage in her eyes? What was at the root of it? _She was so mad about me playing with Adora’s heart, but how the fuck was a I doing that?_

Was Adora in love with the Jasper/Jared guy? Was _Glimmer_ in love with Adora and somehow projecting? Was Jasper Adora’s _boyfriend_ ? Were Adora and Glimmer actually super religious and straight and disgusted by Catra’s mere existence and found the need to patrol her? Was she a promiscuous gay sinner to them? _Does Adora like me?_

Don’t flatter yourself.

Catra swirled in these thoughts until Lonnie and Scorpia were rustling awake and shaking the sleep out of their eyes. The three of them mumbled their good mornings and then groggily made their way downstairs. Catra could tell they were babying her but couldn’t tell if she loved it or hated it, but either way it did seem like the only option as she was only half functioning. What were they going to tell me last night?She couldn’t shake some _other_ thoughts that had been rattling in her head since she and Glimmer parted ways. 

“Hey, guys,” she mumbled through pancakes.

“Yeah?”

“So...do you think I did anything, like...wrong? Last night?”

“Huh?” They were both confused.

“Okay well Glimmer called me some...names...and uh, I just can’t get them out of my head, and I was wondering if I am like, a…”

“NO.” Lonnie siad definitively, angrily. 

“You didn’t do ANYTHING wrong Catra. Nothing. Wanting to have a little fun and doing something isn’t a bad thing. It’s Glimmer who has the problem here.” Lonnie scoffed, “it’s not okay to slut shame, ever, and you didn’t do anything wrong. Also you weren’t _that_ wild, like at all. Maybe by your own standards for yourself, but that was like...nothing compared to like, 90% of the people that were down there.” 

_Yeah...I guess._ Catra felt a little better but still unconvinced. She looked down at her plate and studied the five million kittens that were painted on it, seeking their insights, but they didn’t have much to say.

“Wildcat, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Scorpia said through a mouthful, and adding “also YOU aren’t wrong. Or like, BAD. you know? There’s nothing to be ashamed of!”

 _"HAH”_ Catra belted. 

_OH!_

_Oh yes there was!_

_There was...there was...huh. Making out? Was that bad though? Drinking? Illegal, but was it inherently wrong?_

“Oh...okay.” Catra was processing Scorpia’s words with dawning clarity. She had in fact, been going around believing that something was really, intrinsically wrong with her, that _she_ was wrong, for like, _YEARS_ . And she felt ashamed of it, but she never could identify what _it_ was. She struggled to remember a time when she didn’t feel this way and decided it was probably when she was an innocent child prancing freely around with no shame. But what was it exactly that was so _WRONG_ ? She could think of so many stories and thoughts that followed her around like a funky little cloud, but when she really tried to figure the root cause it eluded her. A weight was being lifted off her shoulders. _Huh. Me, I, am not...wrong. I am not...bad? Nothing to be ashamed of._ She stared into her tea and asked the little custom printed _Dykes on Bikes_ photo on her mug what they thought. They seemed pretty supportive too

_Fascinating._

She silently thanked the little motorcycle lesbians.

She was starting to feel strangely less humiliated and a bit more...free? Her eyes roamed around the room while she tried to integrate this realization into her night, thinking about Adora’s anger, wonder and excitement, Glimmer’s livid accusations. It was so easy to blame herself for something - _for everything_ \- it all cut so deep and hurt so much, but this situation did seem to summon some very old feeling to the surface of just being an ashamed child being yelled at after fucking up. So which was it? The past 17 years of life, or one night of drunkenness. It was certainly blending together in some places, and Catra felt marginally better by simply identifying that pattern.

“...- and like, just the concept of how someone “should” behave sexually is like, so repressive, you know? And -” Lonnie was now lightyears ahead of the conversation and off into the realm of social commentary or something. It was really difficult for Catra to follow while self reflecting _and_ trying to inhale food. “- it’s like totally fucked up for someone else to lay judgement on anyone else for that, ya know?”

“Yeah, yeah totally.” Catra mumbled. 

“I hear you.” Said Scorpia while she texted and scrolled through her phone.

There was a lull in the conversation, thank goodness. 

“Ummm, sooooo … Catra, do you need to talk about anything- ” Scorpia asked tentatively. Catra threw her head back and groaned “- only if you need to! Sorry!!” Scorpia rushed. 

“No, don’t worry Scorp, sorry to be dramatic,” Catra looked apologetic, “I really _should_ but I don’t even know what to say...it’s just like, so much.” She could feel her eyes welling back up. _Ahh dammit no more tears on my fooood!_ “It’s just been such a crazy week and I guess I wanted the night to be kinda like - a distraction, or fun, or have some breakthrough, but instead it just got weird and blew up in my face in epic proportions.”

She paused. They waited patiently. 

“And, well...this thing sorta happened...where Adora was on top of me -” 

“WAIT WHAT?!”

“OKAY someone pushed her over and then she was lying on top of me,” Her face was flushing “ and it was just so….fun? It was _cool_ okay, it was hot.” They all blushed at that and giggled like tiny kids who just saw kissing on TV or some shit. _God, losers!_

 _“_ Anyways, it was so cool. _So_ cool. It was the highlight of the night honestly and I couldn’t tell but it sorta seemed like she didn’t mind?” Lonnie and Scorpia exchanged looks.

“And then getting yelled out was just...crushing. That hurt. Like, the absolute last thing I needed, and also _SO_ random. I still can’t totally put the pieces together.”

“Well, we might be able to help you out with that one dude.”

 _“_ Yeahhhh... it sounds like Adora likes you back?” 

WHAAAT?!!! Oh _hell_ yes! YES YES!! _Fuck you critical voice in my head!!_

“WAIT REALLY?!” Catra balked. 

“Hell yes wildcat! Straight from the source! And the source’s asshole friend.” Scorpia wiggled her eyebrows and smiled. Lonnie seemed a bit stiff. “So _that’s_ why she was so mad at me?” Catra couldn’t believe this. It did explain pretty much everything though - no wonder Adora looked so mad and hurt, and no wonder she looked so shocked and excited when they were in that dogpile.

“Wait, this is _awesome_!” Catra felt like she could do a backflip out of this chair and land it perfectly in the middle of this kitchen. Not something she was about to test but the feeling was real. 

“Right wildcat?!” Scorpia was about to knock over her glass of milk in excitement while Lonnie maintained that irritated glare. She would address that later, but for now she was going to bask in this glory for just a sweet moment. _Fuck yeah._

Catra felt like there was a chorus of lesbians singing their approval into her baby dyke ears. _Yes, yes. You can do it, she likes you!_ they called out to her from wherever the fuck they were, and the music seemed to ring in her heart, lifting her up. It really felt like this house was imbuing her with all sorts of wisdom. 

Oh wait. 

Actually there was _literally_ a choir of old lesbians singing in the backyard. Oh my. That was...unexpected. This was something Catra didn’t know was even a possibility to have happen. She really couldn’t tell if she was jealous of Scorpia or totally relieved to not live with this. 

There wasn’t much time to ponder that one. 

The door flew open and mama Tabitha, Scorpia’s mom stepped into the kitchen swirling in purple robes. Ah yes, the color choice of old lesbians.

“Darlings!” Her voice rang out, “it’s so good to see you!”

Scorpia perked up. “Hey mom!” Lonnie smiled. She loved Tabitha.

Catra felt a surge of affection and guilt for being such a nuisance the past week but this family was so understanding or oblivious that no one gave a shit and instead just wanted to nurture her. Soon Catra was swooped up in a cradling mama bear hug. 

_Oh no, oh no not again._ It was happening. The emotions, they were back with a vengance. Her glory-basking couldn’t last long if she was forced to confront the painful experiences of the night. 

“Hey Tabitha,” squeaked Catra in a desperate attempt to avoid eye contact and keep the small tsunami of tears behind her eyelids. 

“Oh, Catra,” Tabitha said tenderly. Damn this family and their emotional intuition and aura reading and energy sensitivities!! 

“Good morning.” Right as Tabitha held her closer, she began bawling...again. What’s a girl to do? Catra didn’t get many hugs so when a big strong mom gave her any tenderness she was really defenseless. 

“I think...” she sniffled “...I think I might need some advice. About um...a girl I like... and a really rough night.” 

“Ah!” Tabitha chucked, “have I had my fair share of those!” Her smile momentarily flashed an expression of utter terror and flinched while looking out the window towards her wife, but she recovered in the blink of an eye. 

“Okay love, we’re here for you.” 

“Okay,” Catra sniffled, “we? As in you and Jean?”

“Oh...well why have two advisors when you can have…” She turned to shout out the window “Jean what’s the attendance today?!!”

“Fifteen!!” came the response.

“...SEVENTEEN advisors!!” 

_Ohhhhh_ fuck. 

Soon Catra was surrounded by the most purple fabric she had ever seen in her life as she munched on multi seed crackers with every veggie spread you could imagine. Out of the side of her eye she watched Lonnie gabbing it up with a particularly tall purple lesbian about her bolo tie and vegan leather shoes. Catra let her eyes wander around the backyard to the dreamy grape harbor that was shading them from the sun, to the bursting vegetable garden and compost heap, and over to the twelve- foot tall sculpture of the tree of life. 

With a vagina in the center. 

Can’t forget that detail.

_Never in my life-_

“SO what’s troubling you love?” Jean said in a booming voice while sprinkling some nutritional yeast on Catra’s current cracker.

“Well...ah… so. Okay. I like this girl from my history class -” 

As if Catra let of a firecracker, there were suddenly seven pairs of old lesbian eyes glued to her in complete silence. _Well???!!_ They all seemed to ask her. 

Catra took a big breath, set down her cracker, took a swig of kombucha and began. She walked them through the crush, the build up, Adora’s absolute dreaminess, the little conflict, the soccer game, her shitty week, then the night of the party in all the gory details - she embarrassingly told them about Derek, mentioned Huntara only in brief so they had context for Glimmer’s comment, the romantic dogpile experience and then the humiliation of the shouting and then Lonnie’s news from this morning. 

The crowd _oohed_ and _ahhed_ and shook and nodded their heads in understanding and were generally glued to her words. When Catra finished she was surprised to find some members of the crowd waiting expectantly for more. 

“That’s it?” someone asked.

_What!? That’s it? That was like the emotional marathon of the century!_

“Uh, yeah, that’s it. So what do you think I should do?”

“Well, what do you want to do?” 

“Uhhh I don’t know...I just want to hide right now I guess.”

“Do you want to talk to your girl?” _My girl? Did you just miss the entire story -_

“Uhh” Catra stared at them dumbly. She hadn’t even _thought_ of talking with Adora; she was too consumed with all her feelings. “I’m not sure? I feel very unsure.” she added, “but I think I’d like to. Also I _have_ a class with her.”

“Hmmmm, yes” someone said thoughtfully, “This reminds me of a time when…”

And suddenly Catra was launched into a multitude of stories and passed the next few hours in a sea of purple clothes and vegetarian treats, being regalled with the tales from the Purple Lesbian’s lives that made her night sound like a cheery walk in the park. The drama! Friends to lovers to enemies and back, threesome and foursomes and cheating on husbands? And wives? Eloping? Being fired from jobs in the 1950s? Being slandered by a group of your exes on stage in front of an audience of two hundred people? Bizarre road trips that ended in heartbreak? _Being_ the other woman? Jesus. Catra decided that perhaps she was fulfilling her duty and adding to the legacy of dyke drama inch by inch but hopefully she wouldn’t need to make any more contributions. Cool, glad to know that I’m following in the footsteps of the great. My god, the things that happened to these people. In a way, the stories _did_ make Catra feel more secure about life and what happened by gaining more perspective and putting it in relationship to other experiences. Some stories made her want to sprint towards a life of monastic hermitage in order to avoid the hardships of relationships, but they did relieve some of the pressure that she felt around her night on top of this whole Adora crush. This really _was_ going to be a drop in the bucket one day. That day was a long fucking ways away, but the thought still gave her some solace. 

By the twelfth conversation rolled around, her head was swirling. She still felt unsure of what the _actual_ course of action should be, but she was feeling more confident about a few things :

  1. This was not, in fact, the worst thing that could happen based on these stories. Thank goodness. 
  2. She still had a crush on Adora, and Adora had a crush on her. AWESOME.
  3. Glimmer sucked. 
  4. Glimmer was drunk and she sucked especially. Catra was advised to take Glimmer’s words and actions with a large grain of salt because of her inebriation. She would need a VERY large chunk of salt for this particular step. 
  5. She did want to talk to Adora but she also felt ashamed. 
  6. And maybe most importantly, she needed to take care of herself first. Tabitha and Jean were concerned, and the other members of lesbian chorus tribe seconded the opinion that she should try to get a little more sleep to think about this situation clearly.



Catra had no idea what she could possibly say to Adora at this point but she knew that they would have to talk.

“Heyyyyy soooo loved being beneath you on that dancefloor….wanna do that again?” _Too soon._

“Sorry that you saw me kiss that dude please wipe it from your memory permanently by the way I like you, can i kiss you?” _Eh, tactless. And forward. And strange._

“Look, what the fuck is wrong with your friend. Do you want to get lunch and get to know each other?” _Discombobulated_.

“Do you actually think I’m a tease..” Catra didn’t like that one AT ALL. It hurt too much to think about the many sides of that particular issue...which probably meant that it needed to be addressed before the earlier lines could come around.

Scorpia put in her two cents. 

“ What if you just start with ‘Hey, do you have time to talk’ “

 _Huh_. That seemed like a reasonable place to start.

“Yeah, but then what?” 

“Well,” Scorpia whispered. They were having this conversation in secret, behind the massive tree sculpture, away from Lonnie after Scorpia warned that she had essentially forbidden Glimmer or Adora from approaching Catra. 

“You could say, ‘Saturday night was really intense wasn’t it. I’d like to talk about it so we can move on.’” hissed Scorpia. _Hmmm_.

“YEAH and then what?! “

“Well, then she should say something, so invite her to!”

“Well, what if she doesn’t want to?”

Scorpia got a funny look on her face. “Uhh I’m pretty sure she does. Well like 90% sure.” She was scratching her head aggressively. 

“OKAY I’m positive she does.”

“What? How?”

“Ummm,” Scorpia looked over at Lonnie who had moved on to a lively discussion with another old lesbian about ….erotica? _Lord_.

Scorpia dropped to a whisper. “I have inside sources.” 

That's all she would say, which was a miracle based on the fact that Scorpia usually was inept at keeping secrets. _How the fuck did she suddenly turn this skill on?_ The amount of times that Scorpia had let Catra’s secrets spill was almost uncountable, but Catra had estimated that is was in the two-hundreds at this point.The good news was that Adora wanted to talk with her, and Adora liked her back. _Right_?! Major win.

So what did Catra want? She and Scopia stood under the shade of the metal branches and reviewed. She wanted what she did before this shitshow - to be able to banter and talk. _Maybe hang out? See how adora was outside of class? Do something fun_ . _Make out passionately?_ The steam and heat of her crush definitely had been dampened momentarily, or at least very disoriented by the whole evening, but Catra was still excited simply by thinking about Adora’s hands. Jesus. She felt her face flush. The steam was _definitely_ retuning. 

The thought of facing Adora on Monday though? _That_ seemed scary. Could’ she just hit fast-forward and skip a week ahead where everything was fine? But still, after hearing the stories that she did today? Things seemed a bit easier. True, she was still oscillating between intense hurt and nonchalance and every emotional outpost in between, but things _did_ seem a bit more manageable with the support of seventeen old lesbians at her back and the twelve foot vagina tree by her side. 

She thought about Adora - the _good_ kind of thoughts - and let out a sigh. She managed to briefly compartmentalize the night and just slip into some nice fantasies about her lips, her eyes, that feel of the weight on top of her - yeah that one was gonna be REAL hard to forget - and how good she looked. It felt like years ago, but she conjured up laughing with Adora at the last class that they had together and messing around, and then tumbling out a crappy apology which Adora graciously accepted. 

She wandered back to the Soccer game and how well Adora handled everything and how Catra still wanted to mess with her but also give her a huge compliment on how she played. She knew Adora already had two more games - not like she had looked up the schedule or anything while she cried through Entrapa’s plumbing and Double’s incantation session - but she still thought congratulations would be...nice. Catra realized that she still wanted Adora to feel nice. And good. It was such a pure and innocent desire that it took her by surprise. Her impulse to play and cajole this human into a fit of nerves felt so distant in this moment that it was actually wholly shocking.

Catra spent the rest of the day letting the collective mood of the house bring her back into balance where she could forget about the pit in her stomach for a tiny bit. She mused at life while looking at the many cat portraits in the living room while the choir finished up their practice of The Indigo Girls’ greatest hits. To complete her stay at the family’s house she even let Jean practice her energy purifying. Catra didn’t really understand what was happening because the moment she lay down and felt the weight of all that rose quartz, she knocked out into a delightful and soothing nap like a little baby.

Cheryl with the vegan leather shoes gave Catra a ride home in the early evening, encouraging Catra to “ _take care_ ” and “ _get the girl_ ” and “ _cut your nails soon”._ She didn’t have time or energy to care why this woman cared about her manicure choices, but it was a sweet gesture nonetheless. Catra groggily made her way to the kitchen of the empty house, munched on the dinner that Tabitha packed, went to her room and passed out into a deep sleep not moments after her head hit the pillow. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Needless to say Adora did _not_ sleep well that night. She never did after huge amounts of stress. She lay awake listening to her heart beat away into the early morning until she finally fell into a restless slumber. She woke up a few times - once at 7:00am, again at 9:00am - and then officially got up at 11:00am. She liked to have at least eight hours under her belt and never sleep in, but it was just NOT happening today. Thus Sunday morning turned into Sunday afternoon as she shuffled around the house like a little old man grumbling about this and that. Mara laughed at her as she toddered into the kitchen. 

“Hey sleepy.” She called from the stove. 

“Ehh.” Adora croaked back. 

Mara gave her a little plate of toast which Adora nibbled on gingerly. She didn’t feel very hungry, which was a rarity. 

“Sooo,” Mara said, finally sitting down and blowing on her mid-day coffee. There were bags under her eyes too. Mara’s sleep had been improving over the months since she moved home, but she still hadn't quite recovered from the chronic exhaustion that brought her crash-landing back to Razz’s house in the first place. 

“Do you want to talk?”

Adora sighed and put her head down on the table. “I guess,” she moaned into the wood. 

“Here - eat. Then talk.” 

Adora ate quietly and then slouched in her chair.

“Okay, so” she began. “I like this girl -”

“Yay! I love girls!” yelled Mara, eyes squinting with happiness. 

“-um, yeah, well last night was not so _‘yay’_ and it involves her and I think she is never going to talk to me again an we haveahistoryclasstogetherand-”

“Okay.” Mara cut her off. “Stop. Slow down. Sounds like we’ve got some back story to cover.” 

“Yeah. Definitely.” Adora sighed again, and launched into the past months of knowing Catra, beginning with the group project and then the banter and the crush and the party and Derek and Glimmer screaming at her all the way up to the moment that Adora stepped into the house last night and Mara held her while she cried.

“Huh.” said Mara. “That is quite the night, especially for you” 

“Yeah! I know! It’s never like that for me. What happened?” She didn’t mean to sound so alarmed but she couldn’t conceal her confusion any longer. 

“Welll... “ Mara began, looking thoughtful. “It sounds like...feelings happened…” _duh! The night was made of feelings “..._ and it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong Adora.” 

_Oh, huh_. Adora hadn’t even realized that she was holding on to this belief the whole time that she had, in fact, fucked up. She fucked up by having these weird expectations, by judging Catra, by jumping to conclusions, by not talking with Catra first, by failing to intervene when Glimmer was shouting. 

“Are you sure about that?” 

Mara nodded “Yeah, Adora, I’m pretty sure. You had some big feelings but you seemed ready to work it out, and honestly it’s hard to intervene, especially when our personal information is out there -”

“But I should have -”

“Ah ah ah - it would have been great if you _could_ have, but it wasn’t really in your control -”

“Yes it was-”

“-but Adora...you _wanted_ to, but you weren’t _able._ You were shocked and stunned. It caught you off guard. If this had been Soccer you would have been ready, but you weren’t expecting this.”

“Hmmmm okay?”

“ _Glimmer_ on the other hand,” Mara started with a stern eyebrow raised, “seems to have set _you_ up with QUITE the predicament.” 

_That's for sure._ Adora deflated.

“Yeah… I don't want to blame Glimmer, but...”

Mara looked at Adora expectantly 

“...I just really don’t like being angry at my friends.” she finished dully

“Yes, it's hard to be mad at friends, especially you - you're always with a team and ready to do the best you can and you don’t like putting blame on others. But Adora? How do I word this correctly...” Mara paused, “Glimmer fucked up. Glimmer messed up pretty bad last night - with you _and_ Catra. And probably other people. Even if you didn’t like Catra, she would have een fucked up, but adding this layer on, makes it fucked up _and_ even more of your problem.”

“Uuughghg than what do I do!!??” Adora wailed.

“Welll, we could always,” Mara looked up devilishly, “ make a LIST !!!!” Mara loved organizing things with lists and Adora had picked up this passion at a very young age.

Adora cracked a smile , “Okay, only if we can make a flow chart too.” she said quietly. 

“List and flow chart it is.”

Items were listed, mental maps mapped, flow charts flowed - hell, Mara even got her little white board in the mix. Adora always felt better when she could see everything laid out, how it related to the other issues, what her thoughts and feelings were, and the barriers and setbacks that might come up. She needed it. It was soothing as it was difficult, but it was very helpful to have a bird’s eye view of this mess. 

She discovered that she was stressed about multiple dynamics - between herself and Catra, herself and Glimmer, Catra and Glimmer, Lonnie and well, Adora/Glimmer/Bow. She felt appreciative of Scorpia’s positivity and for breaking that news that - _yay!-_ Catra liked her back! and Huntara, as annoying as she was, did do Adora and enormous favor by innocently clearing up a large misunderstanding so Adora would not have to look Catra in the eye and tell her that yes, _I was spying on you creepily and lusting after you jealously, did you make out with Huntara?_

She realized that she herself did not in fact _speak_ any words directly to Catra’s face that would have insulted her, but Glimmer's proclamations could - _and did_ \- create big misunderstandings. It was right here that Adora felt most urgently needed clarification and explanation. 

“And what do you want to have happen?” Mara asked her as they took a little stroll outside of the house for some sunlight and fresh air.

“Um… I guess I want it to be okay?” Adora said uncertainly. 

“And? What did you want before this all happened?”

“Oh,” Adora blushed, “Well I wanted to ask her where she had been for the week.”

Mara raised an inquisitive eyebrow “Because??”

“Because I missed her and wanted her attention and just wanted to, to...” _ask her to get lunch. Hang out outside of class. Go on an adventure. Make out._

 _“_ I wanted to ask if she wanted to hang out, or like, get lunch.” Adora said shyly. 

“Okay,” Mara said, “Now we’re on to something.” She smiled. “It sounds like you need to do some clean up here, but first it seems like a good idea to sort of check in and see where Catra is at. She might not have the stamina right away to talk.”

Adora needed to clean this up NOW, ASAP. God waiting sucked so much. 

“Whyyyyyy?” she whined. 

“Well, we really don’t know where Catra has been and why. She could have been really sick, or had a family emergency. And...she might not feel so positively about you after this whole thing.”

Adora’s stomach dropped. _Fuck_ . She had been dreading that possibility. It would be so much easier to clear this up if Catra _didn’t_ hate her guts now.

“Yeah...okay”

“But don’t get all sad yet Adora, it sounds like you and Catra have a lot of fun together and have already had one tricky interaction that you sorta got through, which is a good sign. And you like each other! And she doesn’t _know_ that you’ve been fuming and wanting to know where she’s been, she can’t read your mind, for better or for worse,” _thank god_ “ so for starters, it might be nice for her to hear that you missed her. It can be helpful to take things like this one step at a time. Maybe you can have a big resolution conversation tomorrow, but maybe it needs a little time to settle.” 

Adora nodded her head. Okay. Settle. 

_Great_.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Catra was fumbling with her locker when she heard a very soft voice behind her. It was a whisper really. RIGHT next to her ear. 

“Hey Catra.”

She whipped around so fast that she threw herself off balance and flew forward, colliding into none other than Adora Gray. Yet again they were extremely close, and Catra had put her hand out to steady herself on, _of course_ , Adora’s hip. Adora’s eyes were brilliant as ever, boring into Catra’s, a look of smug determination written across her sturdy features. As usual, Adora’s hair glinted with the nearby light, casting a halo around the both of them. “ Agh! Sorry!” Catra yelped and yanked her hand away from Adora’s side, blushing. _Why the hell did this girl sneak up on her?_

Instead of stepping back like any normal person would, Adora stepped closer and brought their faces even nearer than before. Being a normal person herself, Catra instinctively took a step back and bumped into the locker. “H-hey Adora.” She managed. It was very distracting to be so close to this perfect face again, and this time Adora looked more confident and ready. 

“Hey Catra,” Adora replied, taking yet another step forward, effectively pinning Catra against the lockers, “It’s really nice to see you,” she murmured. She was looking directly into Catra’s eyes but flickered down to her lips. _WHOA this is new._ She had a hungry look in her eyes this time, and Catra was having an incredible challenge remaining calm and collected ; she could feel a flush creeping up her neck. Adora was so, so close. Holy shit she looks good, those eyes ugh. She was wearing something formfiting that showed the definition of her abs, and Catra was really doing everything she could to not ogle them. 

_Wait, was that her hand?!_ Indeed it was - Catra looked down to find adora’s hand - _that sexy fuckin hand_ \- planted against her waist, only this time it wasn’t an accident. She could feel the heat through her clothes. _Wow, this is really nice._ Catra could feel her chest constricting a bit as Adora kept watching her mouth, so intent and focused, and then she _licked_ her lips. They were pink and shining in the light gently parted, waiting. Adora stood silently but her energy was so _loud,_ it felt powerful, consuming all of Catra’s senses as they’re body’s closer together. It felt _so_ good. _How the fuck is this happening._

“I missed you,” murmured Adora, glancing up into Catra’s eyes with a crooked smile. “I missed you too,” Catra whispered back, breathless and feeling like her knees were about to give out on the spot. Adora was leaning closer and closer, her warm breath hitting Catra’s cheek now - oh my god she was so close. 

Catra reached out with a shaky hand and laid it against Adora’s jaw. _That_ was a beautiful feeling. Her cheek was so soft, and she slid her fingers down her jaw bone and stroked it with her thumb, watching in wonder as Adora gave the tiniest of groans of pleasure. She had never done _anything_ like this, _ever_ . Adora seemed so sure of herself, had _she_? What if I fuck up!? Wait, should I be doing something right now? What’s the next step?! Shit -

“Can I…?” Adora began to ask as her face came closer. Her breath hitched She was looking right at Catra’s mouth, and Catra could only nod as she watched those lips part just a bit more as they hovered over hers. And finally, Adora dipped her head down bringing them together. OH MY GOD. Fuck, it was the softest thing Catra would ever feel in her life. It was like -

 _WHAM_!!

Catra shot bolt upright in bed, taking heaving breaths. 

“GET UP NOW YOU LAZY HUMAN! “

Shannon Weaver had almost busted the door clean off its hinges as she stood towering in the doorway. She was absolutely seething “We are only the brink of financial ruin and I will be taken to the courts for your TRUANCY!!!” She bellowed, whipped around and stormed away down the hallway, muttering and cursing. 

_AAAGHHHH !!!! Welcome home mom._

Catra groaned and threw her head on the pillow. _Why, why, why, WHYYYY is this my life!!_ If she wasn’t so jacked on cortisol right now she would definitely be crying, but her heart felt like it was about to fly out her mouth. _I can’t even have a sexy dream without being cock-blocked, by fucking mom of all people!!_ Shit. She looked at the clock and realized that - my god - she needed to leave like, two minutes ago if she was going to be on time. 

Catra slid off the bed, pounced on the nearest clean clothes, threw what she could find into her backpack and stumbled out the door onto her bike, muttering and swearing down the steps. She pedalled her way to school, both wobbly from sleep and pumped full of adrenalin from her rude awakening. _Ahhh nothing like a fresh cup of terror to wake a girl up in the morning._

\-----

Catra had made it a full 20 minutes into first period before she was back to her new favorite pastime : crying. All it took was Todd murmuring something homophobic about the book they were reading and she was off, beginning with a nice light trickle and ending the class with a hearty stream. The day went on like that for some unfortunate reason

“Ms. Weaver, welcome back, but no sunglasses in class -” her chemistry teacher Netossa said as she approached her desk. As Catra revealed two very teary eyes, Netossa’s gaze softened to concern and understanding. She took a finger and slid the glasses back down to Catra’s nose and finished quietly “...but today let’s make an exception. We’ll just say it’s a migraine.” and smiled. Bless that woman. 

At lunch Catra slumped into a chair in the library where she planned to waste her lunch period trying to chip away at the stack of homework she had to catch up on. She prayed that some of it would melt away into the table and out of her teacher’s memory, but as usual, her prayers went unanswered, so she settled into an hour of moping, eating and writing. 

“Hey you” Rogellio popped into the space, “missed ya.” 

“Hey,” Catra managed a little grin. Rogellio gave her an understanding nod and a sweet smile and sat down. “No pressure to talk about it, but I’m here if you want.” he said quietly. Catra nodded and smiled feeling a nice batch of fresh tears arriving. _I can’t do this right now._

Rogellio seemed to read her thoughts - “okay,” he said, “what's on the agenda for today?” 

Catra looked at him dumbly -

“You don’t need to do any of this Rogellio -”

“Oh...” he smiled back wickedly, “...but I do. Hand over the algebra Weaver, and no one gets hurt!” 

“Don’t feel like you need to-”

“Catra,” he said warmly, “ I want to. You did my homework for two solid months, I’m not gonna let you cry through 2 weeks of assignments after your week.” 

It was true : The only time Catra got straight A’s, they went on to Rogellio’s report card. Regellio was in dire straits when he came out to his family last year, barely dragging himself along through the swamp of depression. Kyle, Lonnie, and Scorpia all but physically carried him from class to class, while Catra surprised everyone and did his homework for two months. She never cared so much about school in her life. 

So bless Rogellio’s heart, here he was. He was cheery enough for the both of them, so he let Catra take her time organizing her papers and sighing while he industriously tackled her math. They worked for lunch, mostly in silence but exchaninging little words here and there. Scorpia and Lonnie must have told him what happened in detail, because he asked no questions at all. By the time lunch ended, Catra felt like another dose of overwhelm had been added to her plate, but Rogellio knocked it into her head that now she was organized and he was going to carry her along. _God damn it, the floodgates were opened all over again._

The day continued with Catra in her sunglasses, checking in with teachers, and slowly sinking into her pit of overwhelm and now pure giddiness of what her final class with Adora was about to become. In fifth period her stomach would not stop doing flips and a few tears squeezed out when Todd, yet a-fucking-gain, found something abritrary to make into a homophobic joke to a freind. 

Her anxiety was so high that she was seriously considering just skipping History class but remembered that she had literally just missed an entire week and she could not afford to be further behind. Thus, she arrived at Mr. M’s class a few minutes early and got the friendly ‘welcome back’ greeting - _ugh-_ and the sunglasses comment - _I fucking know_ \- and the sympathetic nod and permission to keep them on. Catra sat in her seat attempting to bring her heart rate down and not implode with anxiety as classmates trickled and then flowed in. Most plopped down angrily, a few nodded at her and said hey, missed ya’ and her stomach churned away until she swore she was getting high off it. Her nerves felt like fucking tight ropes. 

The bell rang at the end of the passing period and class began. Catra released a breath she didn’t know she was holding but her stomach was still in vicious knots. Gone was the confidence from the seventeen lesbians and rose quartz. She felt like she was about to shatter into a million pieces with the anticipation of seeing Adora. 

But where the fuck was she? 

Catra was dreading seeing her the whole day. She was not ready to have this conversation and had no clue how to even start. Her brainstorming session with Scorpia was hardly 24 hours ago, but it felt like she had her entire memory wiped of what to do. Holy shit. But after all this dread, anticipation, and fear she was actually disappointed that Adora didn’t show up. Like, what the fuck!? _Is she avoiding me? Is she not coming to class because of me? Does she hate me now? Is she scared? She looked pretty scared when I was about to beat the shit out of Glimmer,_ Catra thought regretfully. Damn, I really did fuck up. But I _didn’t_ throw hands at Glimmer! But Adora also said that she missed me, right before Glimmer barged in and that she wanted to -

Catra didn’t have time to finish that thought because, speak of the devil - _or angel in this case_ \- Adora opened the door and slipped into class sheepishly, giving an apologetic nod to Mr. M, which he returned with a judgmental look. Catra felt like she was about to shatter in a million pieces as Adora stepped into full view. Catra was suddenly way, way too hot. Damn this heat wave! Adora gave a quick scan of the room and made eye contact with Catra. She had a very complicated expression - a mixture of what seemed to be excitement, shame, fear and nervousness. Catra’s heart gave a leap - but then Adora’s face was blank again, and Catra’s heart sank right back down to the floor. _Oh_ , she remembered, _I’m wearing sunglasses Adora doesn’t even know I’m staring the shit out of her._ Heh.

She took some deep breaths in effort to quell the heart palpitations that she was suddenly experiencing as Adora squeezed by a few people into the desk that was five chairs away from her. Catra silently cursed her out for being late so they couldn’t sit closer to each other. _But wait, why would I even want to be closer? So we can what, stare awkwardly at each other? Start to talk and have me start crying? Shit. Maybe we can just forget everything ever happened and be strangers for the rest of the year._ That sounded horrible. But talking sounded horrible too. Catra remembered Scorpia now _“ Why don’t you just start with hello? Saturday night was pretty intense?_ '' Jesus it seemed so simple when they talked in her backyard, but now? How could ten words be so complex all the sudden? She could feel her tears heading towards the surface again. _Oh my GOD_ !! Why is this happening?Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw Adora give the tiniest turns and look at her. Oh man, _I cannot do this today but sure as hell need to see her._

Catra wanted to have some sort of pressure release, but the chances of it happening without a full fledged breakdown in this classroom were looking slim, so her main goal was to keep it together. 

“Well, now that we’re all settled in our seats - time for group work! Up you go! Find your group!” _Fuck me._

The class gave a collective groan and got up. _Oh god, Adora is looking at me._ Catra’ stomach tightened right back up. _Oh god oh man she’s walking over!_ Aghgh!!! It felt like Catra could drown in the amount of sweat she was producing.

Adora put her stuff down, barely glancing in Catras direction but blushing furiously. She looked so cute today. She was wearing a really nice soft red t- shirt and men’s slim blue jeans that were tight and loose in all the right places and made her ass look _super_ good but in a _very_ casual way. She had on some worn out leather boots, and the shirt made her shoulders look extra broad and muscular. Wow, she kinda looked dressed up? Like she was out of some low profile stylish dyke look-book for fall or some shit. Okay, she looked fucking hot. So good. Also soooo awkward and terrified. _Hah, glad I’m not the only one._

Adora took an excruciatingly long time moving her desk into the little square with their group to sit down. Right next to Catra. Gulp. She seemed just as tense as Catra felt, and appeared to be putting in the same amount of effort to appear totally unaffected and nonchalant. 

“Hey girl!” It was Kiki, a group member - “Welcome back!” she said to Catra. _Oh, she noticed I was out?_ Catra stepped out of her anxiety spiral. “Thanks.” She managed to croak out. She could feel the heat from Adora’s arm and stole a glance at her face. Even through the murkiness of her sunglasses, Catra could see that afternoon sunlight glinting off her golden hair casting a little halo around her head. 

“You...okay?” Kiki continued cautiously, “You were gone for like, a week.”

Catra gave a weak smile and felt her throat constricting. “Yeah, I’m okay,” _lie_ “just a rough week with some family stuff.” she said dropping to a whisper and shifting uncomfortably, but she could hear the tears behind her voice. So could Kiki and anyone in earshot. 

“Gotcha,” she said quietly, “well I hope things get better.”

“Um, yeah,” Catra struggled out. Damn this shit was hard. 

Okay, do it Catra 

“Um, I just wanted to let you guys know that,” she fought with her tightening throat, “I might not have a lot to contribute today because” _breathe in_ “I’m just going through a lot and still catching up. “ She finished in a rush. _I did it holy shit._ She realized that she really was almost done with this miserable day and would soon be back unhindered by this schedule and could go attack her homework and crying in peace. 

“Okay” said Kiki, smiling, “We gotcha. Right Adora?”

Adora looked petrified but managed a very awkward, “Yeah.” 

And that was that. Catra sat back, trying to control her racing heartbeat and leaking eyeballs and get a little more comfortable in her skin. Adora had glued her eyes to the paper and Kiki was talking, completely oblivious. Over the course of the hour, it seemed like Adora’s muscles gradually relaxed, which helped Catra ease up too. Catra started to wonder if Adora was going to ignore her the entire time because she didn’t want to see her face ever again. At one point they bumped arms and Adora yelped “Sorry!!!” with such a guilty look on her face that it startled Catra. Catra expected things to be awkward but she didn’t think Adora would actually be _scared_ of her!

“It's fine” Catra said gruffly. She was really struggling to keep it together. Just seeing Adora brought back the intensity of the shouting match _and_ the euphoria of being squashed on the floor, which was such confusing mixture to contend with while sitting next to the source of her feelings. Thank goodness they were having silent work time and Kiki was deeply involved in texting under the desk, or else this would just be too obvious and on display. 

She realized that this internal tension might be rubbing off - _energetically_ as Jean would say - on the situation... and she was still wearing her sunglasses, which people told her that she looked _incredibly_ intimidating when she had them on. 

Taking a deep breath, Catra softened her tone and said “H - hey, it’s fine.” Then surprised them both by extending her hand and putting it on Adora’s shoulder and said, “You're good.”

Adora’s entire arm seemed to relax under her fingers, and Catra heard a sigh of relief. _Oh, so she was nervous._ She could hear Scorpia cheering in her ear. 

“Th - thanks.” Adora sputtered. And then she turned and looked at Catra. 

In her dream, Adora’s eyes were gorgeous, but they were a thousand times better in real life - deep, bright, revealing, tender. Catra’s heart fluttered. It seemed like Adora was searching Catra’s face for something, but she could already feel some fresh tears popping up with the simple act of eye contact after so much waiting and agonizing. She knew that Adora was searching for connection and _literally_ looking for her eyes, but there was no way in hell that these glasses were coming off right now. 

“Thanks,” Adora said again, in a more relaxed tone. “It’s um...It’s really good to see you.” Catra’s heart was doing little backflips while her stomach churned like a wind mill. _Fuck yeah!_ Her shoulder felt so nice. 

“I uh...” Adora looked away and scratched her neck. _Ah those hands, that cute - ass nose._ ”I missed you.” She said bluntly, looking back at Catra with an honest expression. _Huh, she really did miss me!_

“Really?” the words were out before she could stop them. 

“Oh! Uh, yeah.” Adora smiled sheepishly, “Yeah, really. It wasn’t as fun with you gone.” She looked nervously at Kiki who was clearly still absorbed. 

“Uh, anyways, yeah. I - I missed Catra. I really did.” There was that earnest little stare of hers doing things to Catra’s stomach all over again. 

“I um, I don’t know…” she trailed off “...how to say this? ” _WHAT?_

“Actually, here!” Adora abruptly switched topics so fast that Catra completely forgot about being sad. How did Adora make awkward look so flawlessly cute?

She grabbed a container out of her bag and clutched it under the desk for a moment, seeming to take a mental pause before handing it to Catra, angling her body away from the front of the room. 

“My sister and I were baking on Sunday and I wanted to give you some.” She was cherry red at this point, eyes flitting everywhere but Catra’s face. 

Catra looked at the container. Lemon bars. Fucking lemon bars. _FUCK. YES._

She must have been smiling because Adora was beaming when Catra looked up. “I _love_ lemon bars. Wow this crappy day just got so much better!”

Adora was giddy now. “Really?! I mean I thought you might like them - because everyone likes lemon bars - so I thought maybe you might like some after - ” she faltered

_After your friend cussed me out and ruined my night?_

She cut herself off and grimaced. Catra’s expression must have dropped too, because Adora whispered “Sorry. I meant that you might need some cheering up.” and ducked her head down a bit. 

Catra, mustered a smile, trying to recover the moment but already remembering the pit in her stomach. It was so frustrating to have her emotions so close to the surface and flying all over the place.This day was so ridiculous. 

“Thanks,” she gave a shaky whisper back. She really did love lemon bars and it really was going to cheer her up, she just had to get through this little bump and -

“I was actually wondering if you might, uh, ” Adora was trying so hard to get this thought out from earlier, “ if you might be available to talk?” She finished, looking stricken. _Relatable Adora, very relatable_.

Catra tried to take a steadying breath. “Yeah...we should. I - I would like to. I um, don’t know if I can do today...I think I am going to have to stay to talk with Mr. M and, uh,” she felt shaky and fragile again. _How to say this_ ”...I don't know if I can really... _handle_ a conversation today.” She finished. Adora nodded, looking relieved.

Catra felt bad, so she added as much context as she could without breaking apart. “It's just been a very … draining past week at home..” _HAH! Literally! “_ and I still don’t think I can do much without,” _falling apart. Breaking down in front of you “_ ...having a hard time.” She said in a controlled but wavering voice. 

Adora seemed to understand. “Of course,” she said, with more confidence “thats fine.”

“Thanks,” Catra whispered, feeling another little wave of relief wash over her. “I would really like to talk to you too Adora,” she murmured. “ There are some things I want to say.” _WHY did I just say that._

Adora looked at her with wide eyes, “REALLY?!”

Catra laughed “Yes really silly,” it felt good to laugh with Adora again and Catra was feeling more like herself now “ why would I say it?” 

Adora giggled back. “I just, I dunno, didn’t know if you’d still want to talk to me.” She finished that last part with a lower voice, seemingly surprised at her own vulnerability. 

“ Of course I want to talk to you, princess.” She had never seen Adora look more pleased with hearing that nickname. 

It reminded Catra of something. “Hey...good game last friday...you played really well. It was cool.” How this made Catra flush this hard, she did not understand, but it was totally worth the embarrassment to see Adora’s face light up with pride, and then cockiness. She wiggled her eyebrows - “sounds like you saw something you liked on the field, huh?”Catra surpassed her own expectations around how hard she could blush with that last one. _Wow._ That one got her so good, holy shit. _This girl saw right through me._

“Aggh um, what?” _Recover. Recover!_ “No. God!” she rolled her eyes. “Just, good job asshole!” Adora still had that shit-eating grin on her face. “Thanks.” she said with a wink and - _oh no_ \- a tiny bicep flex and hand gun. That was it. Catra was toast. She just sat there, wordlessly gaping - probably looking exactly like she did on that game night when Adora put on this little show the first time. 

“Cat got your tongue?” she murmured. _The audacity of this human!_ Catra was sputtering for a come back but mysteriously her brain decided to short circuit and provide her with absolutely nothing. Adora chuckled. “Wow, and I thought _I_ was awkward.” She winked fondly.

Now this was just cruel. Also, when did she get so confident all of the sudden? Catra resigned to being dumbfounded and Adora mercifully decided to give her some time to gather her _very_ far-flung wits. She really didn’t know what to say, so Catra settled on saying nothing at all and just lightly kicked Adora under the table. 

They spent the rest of class kicking eachother and smiling to themselves, and Catra finally allowed herself to accept that yes, they were both interested in talking something out, they just needed the right time when Catra was not a puddle of human tears and Adora was not wound tight as a spring. When that would be, she had truly no idea, because outside of this sweet little moment there was a mountain of homework and a very ominous mother to contend with. She really didn’t know what life was going to do to her this week, but she was hoping she could catch a break and _then_ maybe get herself together and _then_ maybe talk to Adora. Ideally in that order, but hey, what happens happens. 

When the bell rang, they stood up together and gathered things, and Adora spent as long as she could lingering with Catra, trying to chat about things casually before she had to run to practice.

“Hey, I’m glad you’re back.”

“Yeah, you said that already princess.” She smiled at the nickname again. _Yes_!

“Yeah, well I just wanted to make sure you knew.”

“Duh, I knew!” _I didn’t, please say it again._

Adora chuckled “Well, now you know again.” She added in a lower voice a bit cautiously, “And I hope that things get a bit easier as the week goes on.”

Catra looked at her. She was so honest and concerned. “Yeah, me too. Thank you.” She added. She didn’t know what made her do it, but Catra lifted her sunglasses up to look Adora in the eyes. As they made contact, she noticed Adora’s eyes widen and show a very tender, concerned and grateful expression. “I appreciate you saying that.” She could feel more tears again, so she dropped her shades. Adora seemed to make sense of this moment quickly - that she Catra was so freshly vulnerable that she needed some protection, just a little barrier to protect herself, and it wasn’t personal. She seemed more at peace after having seen Catra’s eyes directly too, which was a good note to end on. _Maybe she actually CAN look into my soul and sunglasses prevent that power?_ Either way, Adora was more at ease which made Catra more at ease, which was a very, very nice feeling after so much tension.

“Ms. Weaver? Can I have two minutes? I just need to grab a few papers and then I can be right with you.” Mr. M’s voice broke into her thoughts.

“Yes, yeah of course.” She pulled her eyes away from Adora’s. Adora nodded and said “gotta get to practice, and winked. She held up her hand for a high five. _Really? A high five? What is this, kindergarten? High fives were for kids. And jocks. And Bros. ew._ Catra scoffed, rolled her eyes enough that Adora could tell even through the glasses, but bridged the gap and met her hand. 

Actually, high fives were great. Possibly the greatest invention ever. Because high-fiving Adora was like getting a huge reward she didn’t know she was craving at the end of this day of drudgery. Yes, it was a long ways away from getting pinned to the wall and sucking on Adora’s mouth, but it sure as hell was delicious and sweet. Her skin was warm and Catra could feel the calluses on her palm and the strength of her hand as they touched. It kind of turned into one of those little hand-holdy shake things that Catra could never get quite right, so instead of looking cool they just looked off-beat, but she really didn’t care. The more contact the better and clearly Adora was ready to prolong this as much as possible, without actually holding hands in front of their teacher as if he was some audience for an awkward highschool romance. They made eye contact while they fumbled until they mutually seemed to agree that they couldn’t pretend any longer, and pulled away while blushing furiously. 

“Well,” Adora bounced on her toes and scratched her neck, “I gotta head out. See you tomorrow?” She said hopefully. 

“Yeah, see you tomorrow. That's the plan. We can, um, figure out a time to talk - hopefully I’ll be doing better then.” she smiled “Adora, I missed you too.” 

Adora smiled so bright it was like freakin’ sun in your face. “Bye.” she said dopily and dreamily shuffled out the door, looking back once before heading into the hallways. 

  
\-----------

On the way to the bike racks Catra’s phone vibrated. 

_Scorps_ : Hey wildcat, how ya doing now? 

_Catra_ : Cried a river today. I can’t believe it. I’m so glad it’s over but I'm gonna have to go home to weaver tonight and I am just not ready. 

_Scorps_ : You got this wildcat. You can always come over here you know. 

_Catra_ : Thanks...I should really turn my room into a homework cave though.

 _Scorps_ : I hear you. Hey...how was your class with Adora?

 _Catra_ smiled. Scorpia, it actually went pretty well - don’t tell Lonnie. 

_Scorps_ : Hah, I would never. That would ruin the plan!

 _Catra_ : Wait plan?

 _Scorps_ : Yeah...you know the plan we made about you having a conversation. 

_Catra_ : Oh, yeah.

Scorpia sounded awkward and dodgy even over text, but Catra was too tired to care. They texted for a little more, but then Catra had to bike home. She was _so_ tired. When she arrived at home, she faced the irritation of Weaver as they ate dinner, and then went to her room to - surprise surprise - cry and do homework.

She was searching for some random paper at the bottom of the bag when she felt - what was that? - the lemon bars! Thank god Adora put this in a hard container. After she dried her tears on her chemistry worksheet, she let herself settle in at her desk with a warm light and began munching. 

Holy shit was it good. Perfect. What the fuck was in this thing? The right amount of sweet and buttery and super tangy, just how Catra liked it. It was heavenly. _Who needs drugs when you have lemon bars?_ She pondered. _Why have I been looking for wildness when I could just eat lemon curd and feel more awake than ever?_ She made a mental note of this, then thought about it and wrote an actual post-it note that read ‘ _When in doubt - lemon bars!_ ’ She felt that anything related to drugs would be way too suspicious so she decided against ‘ _lemon bars < drugs ’ _or the likes of that. 

She rolled the flavors around in her mouth, savoring each little bite. Might as well get comfy, so she grabbed a blanket and sat down and rolled the soles of her feet around on the little massage toy that Scorpia bought her. The work seemed a lot less daunting now as she settled into the blanket with the stash of baked deliciousness. Hell yeah. Catra smiled. 

_Talk to you soon Adora._

\-------

  
  
  
  



	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens next?  
> \---------
> 
> Her lovelies! So glad you enjoyed the last chapter. I meant to get this one out sooner but that last one was like, 30 pages of a google doc and wore me out, in addition to the week being busy! 
> 
> I started a little instagram for my fanart the past week, so which I became obsessed with, so if you want to check that out its "_boi_from_the_moon_"
> 
> I did minimal editing on this one so excuse the typos - I really just wanted to post it :^)
> 
> Enjoy!

**_NOW_.**

Elated would be an understatement, but that was the best word to describe it 

Adora was on Cloud nine - no Cloud  _ ten. _ She practically floated all the way to practice and trotted around like a puppy the entire two hours. Her team was a little frustrated because her usual vigor was nowhere to be found, but she was in such a good mood everyone let it slide. 

This had really been A DAY. Wowza. Yesterday was a nerve wracking Sunday of overthinking, planning, second guessing, crying a little, freaking out, trying to do homework, and snuggling then baking with Mara for emotional support. God, she had felt like a semi functional tangle of emotions reliving the previous night, thinking about the absolute rollercoaster of watching Catra the entire evening - kissing Derek, the plummeting sensation Adora felt when she watched Catra touch Huntara’s arm and then their (imagiend) kiss, next the glory of bodies pressed together (albeit a little creepy) and then the horrifying shouting. Adora hated when harm was done.  _ How am I gonna do this? _ The thought of seeing Catra tomorrow filled her with an unspeakable amount of anxiety; it truly sounded like hell with a strong overlay of desire. She talked it though with Mara over and over and over again until her head was spinning.

At some point Bow gave her a call. 

“Adora, it’s gonna be okay.”

“What do I do Bow, I have to see her tomorrow and say  _ something _ .” Adora nervously yammered. 

“Adora, you don’t have to say a lot...and also, maybe you could do something nice instead of trying to talk it out right away?” he suggested. 

“Yeah, that’s what Mara was saying, start slow or something like that.”

“Yeah, yeah that’s a really good idea. Hey, I have an idea,” his voice sounded a little forced and weird now, “ what if you like, baked something and brought it in and shared it with her?” 

Adora scoffed, “Bow this isn’t third grade, cookies don’t solve things. Besides what if she has a nut allergy, or is gluten free or something?!” Adora’s voice was rising. 

“Adora, don’t freak out, it’s just an idea. A good Idea,” he added. There was that funny tone again. “I think you should make…lemon bars.” Huh. “That’s so specific Bow.” 

“Yeah, I know but, think about it,” now he sounded really forced, “It sort of suits her personality, tangy, uhhh....with a bite...but really sweet?” Okay what was Bow doing?

“I dunno Bow, lemon bars are really niche.”

“Yes.” he said flatly. Then he spoke very slowly and clearly, as if explaining some very complicated directions to a ver confused person. “Adora. Make LEMON Bars. Make them TART.” 

“WHY Bow? What is this obsession with lemon bars?”

“Adora.” He sounded impatient “Do it. I promise it will help.”

“Wha-”

“Pass the phone to Mara.Now.”

Adora grumbled and did as she was told, watching Mara nod and hide a little smile. She passed the phone back to Adora. “We’re making lemon bars.” she said as she handed it over with a wink. UGH why are these people so weird!

“Okay, thanks Bow.” Adora said with an exasperated sigh. They talked for about 45 minutes - nothing too profound, just being mutually upset and shocked about the night. They couldn’t even broach the subject of Glimmer and how she acted - Adora was too preoccupied and frankly so mad that she felt numb. She couldn’t think about talking with Glimmer right now, she had to focus on Catra. As they were hanging up the phone, Bow got that funny tone in his voice again and advised her to “ _ dress up a little _ ” and wear that nice red shirt they bought on one of their adventures together. Adora didn’t feel as sceptical of this idea - the thought of looking a little sharper sounded appealing while she felt like shit. 

So the lemon bars were baked, homework was done, plans were over thought and then day turned into night. Adora went to bed super early because she was still so exhausted. She dreamt of more yellow lights and a spinning room where Catra appeared out of nowhere, and Adora yelled to her, running towards her. Catra grabbed a trash can out of thin air and drop-kicked it at Adora and showered her with trash. Then she disappeared. FUCK what a terrible omen. 

\-- ------------------------------------------------------------------------

She shot out of bed in the morning, donned the outfit that she and Mara picked out - it was true, the red t-shirt really did look good on her - and her other ‘comfy confidence builders’ as Mara put it, and headed out the door. She felt like she was on high alert when she got to school - would Catra pop out of nowhere and start throwing trash - or yelling - or giving her rude looks? They rarely saw each other outside of class - it was usually when Adora was casually stalking -  _ ahem _ ,  _ following _ \- her and intentionally took a different hallway so they would cross paths. Usually they would just give a smile and nod, or Catra would murmur “ _ heyy princess _ ” if they were close enough, but she could never really convince herself to make a quick conversation. Besides, they were rushing most of the time. 

Today she was convinced that she would see Catra everywhere - even worse -  _ Lonnie -  _ who would definitely have something to say. Adora was pretty ramped up for the day - Math crawled by, English was done in a blink of an eye. Texts from Bow popped up asking her how she was feeling and if she was ready for ‘phase 1’ of the plan. ‘Phase one’ was a lunchtime encounter with Catra where Adora would make eye contact and get a ‘feel’ for how Catra responded. From there Adora would either smile friendly and stay where she was, or go up and talk to Catra - if Lonnie wasn’t around. Adora didn’t like ‘phase one’ but Bow had agreed with Mara that it might be good if they could interact  _ before _ class. So Adora stalked around school to Catra’s usual spots, by this point she knew most of them -  _ ahh such a creep -  _ but she was nowhere to be found. Adora had her doubts about the cafeteria and the library, but sure enough, there was Catra at a table, surrounded by papers and across from Rogellio who was industriously doing some work. Catra looked so hot today, ugh. She was wearing black shorts and her leather boots, and a soft, baggy blue t-shirt. She looked cool and intimidating with sunglasses and just gave off the essence of ‘don’t fuck with me’. Adora’s stomach dropped from where she was hiding between the shelves -  _ so creepy.  _ Catra looked pissed off and stone cold.  _ How am I gonna talk to this girl when she looks like THAT?! So fierce. She looks - wait, is she crying?!  _ Damn. She was. She put her head in her hands and Adora heard a soft groan. Rogellio looked up at her and smiled sympathetically and reached out a hand and put it on her arm. Catra flinched and then leaned into it. Wait...are they a  _ thing _ ? Adora felt a little heat rise in her stomach and chastised herself for feeling jealous all over again.  _ Chill dude.  _ Catra was handing a page over to Rogellio now - wait was he doing her work for her? That is so not okay! That’s cheating!! Adora decided to come back to this judgement later - it felt pretty inappropriate based on the fact that she had NO clue what was going on with Catra, and that Adora herself was literally crouched over and spying. As she watched for a bit longer, Adora started to recognize the signs of fatigue and demoralization in Catra’s body language. Maybe she wasn’t stone cold and angry? Maybe she was just really sad and looked prickly instead? 

Adora felt a twinge of sympathy and relief. Maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all. She just had two more classes and then operation lemon bar could commence.  _ Oh shit - the Lemon Bars!! _ Adora realized with horror that she forgot them..FUCK. After some frantic texting with Mara, they planned a stealth mission where Mara could drive by with the bars before class. Her two classes passed quickly - she was feeling so uncomfortable at this point that she had to go to the bathroom 3 times and put on more deodorant. She was chomping at the bit right before history, her body thrumming with energy. Mara drove by with the bars and it thankfully went off without a hitch, but Adora was apprehended in the hallway by a hallway monitor for being late after the bell went off. Her palms were sweating profusely and her heart was racing as she approached the door to the class.  _ I could puke right now. _ She wanted to run away, but that was really not an option now, especially considering the fact that she had opened the door and was looking into the face of a very exasperated Mr. M. Oh well, she had the gift at least. 

Adora scanned the room and sure enough, sitting in the back, looking hot and scary as ever, was Catra. Wearing sunglasses. In class? How!? She didn’t even acknowledge Adora, just stared straight ahead - well, that’s what it looked like, Adora couldn’t really tell. She tried to remember the sad and vulnerable Catra from the library, but she seemed to be gone, replaced with this stoic, intimidating human. Adora made her way to the only available seat about five chairs away from Catra, and tried to casually twist and see her better. Still no sign of acknowledgement. Crap crap crap.Adora’s stomach was in knots. “Find your groups!” Mr. M’s voice barged into her thoughts. AAAGHHHHH!!

Adora made her way over and found a seat. She had to sit next to Catra as there was literally no other way to configure the desks. So she dropped into her seat stiffly, trying in vain to ignore the heat she could feel off Catra’s arm. It looked so soft and nice, the baggy blue shirt looked worn out but still bright, Adora was sure it really brought out her blue eye. Catra’s hair was messy in that ‘intentional’ kind of way, her curls falling down over her petite shoulders. Damn, this was gonna be so hard. Oh, Catra was talking now, her voice sounded small and shaky. Maybe this was the Catra from the library after all? “... and I might not be able to contribute too much.” she finished meekly. Aw...poor thing. She felt a surge of affection. Wait, affection? Was that allowed? 

“...right Adora?” Kiki turned to her. 

“Uh, yeah.” wait, what am I agreeing too?

Midway through class Adora was feeling better even though she and Catra hadn’t spoken, but Adora chose to believe it was friendly, at least neutral silence. But then - dang it - Adora touched her arm! Fuck! “Sorry!!”  _ whoops didn’t mean to say that so loud!  _

_ “ _ It’s fine.” Catra said gruffly. She sounded so mad. Oh dammit I messed up. 

“H-hey, it’s fine.” Oh wait. Catra sounded small again, but nervous, and kind. Suddenly there was a hand on her shoulder. Oh. It was resting there so gently and with a flush of heat Adora remembered lying on the floor and Catra’s hands at her sides, warm and firm. 

“You’re good.” Catra said warmly. OH. wow, what a relief. 

Adora was thrilled, she looked at Catra. Wow, even with her eyes covered up she was so gorgeous. There were those super cute freckles and sharp lines of her face, pointed nose, curls glowing in the light. “Thanks.” was all she could manage.  _ Okay Adora, go through with the plan.  _

“I missed you.” Welp, cool.That was dumb. 

“Really?!” Wait, Catra was surprised. _ Duh I missed you! You're the only reason I like this class! And you’re amazing.  _ “Oh, yeah, y eah, really. It wasn’t as fun with you gone.” Catra seemed so happily surprised by this and it was encouraging. Adora started to ask to talk, but then remembered the lemon bars. “Actually! Here!”  _ God I’m so awkward. _

The look on Catra’s face was priceless. It lit up the room, she was so happy. ““I  _ love _ lemon bars. Wow this crappy day just got so much better!” Oh, so she was having a really bad day. And she was so excited! _ I made her day better. Yes _ . Bless bow and his incredible intuition.

“Really?! I mean I thought you might like them - because everyone likes lemon bars - so I thought maybe you might like some after... ”  _ saturday night.  _ OH damn Catra’s face fell. Damn.

“Sorry. I meant that you might need some cheering up.” Adora finished meekly and tried to be casual as she scolded hersel. Catra looked sad...wait, or was she mad?! Not again!

“Thanks,” she gave a very shaky response. Is she about to cry?

_ Okay, say it Adora, you can do it.  _ “I was actually wondering if you might, uh, if you might be available to talk?” Ooof that was rough. But I did it. Adora was waiting on edge of her seat for the response. Catra took a deep breath. 

“Yeah...we should. I - I would like to. I um, don’t know if I can do today...I think I am going to have to stay to talk with Mr. M and, uh...I don't know if I can really... _ handle _ a conversation today.” She forced out. Oh, she sounded like she was on the verge of tears. Adora felt a flood of relief but also... _ did she really want to talk? _

Catra continued.“It's just been a very … draining past week at home...” another deep breath  _ “ _ and I still don’t think I can do much without...having a hard time.” Oh, she was about to cry. Poor Catra. The intimidation seemed to be melting right off of her and Adora realized that she had, in fact, been projecting this whole time. Catra was feeling vulnerable and fragile and just struggling to get through this day. She didn’t need any more on her plate. 

Adora felt easier now “Of course, that's fine.” 

“Thanks, I would really like to talk to you too Adora, there are some things I want to say.” OH. This didn’t sound bad, per say.

Adora looked at her with wide eyes, “REALLY?!”

Catra laughed “Yes really silly, why would I say it?” Adora had  _ really _ missed Catra’s laugh. 

“I just, I dunno, didn’t know if you’d still want to talk to me.” WHY did I just say that.

“Of course I want to talk to you, princess.” YEAH!  _ I’m princess again! _ Never thought I'd think that, but I’ll take it!

Catra continued. “Hey...good game last friday...you played really well. It was cool.” Oh hell yeah! Adora was blushing, it was so great. She didn’t think Catra even remember, not to mention bring it up on her own. This was just too good, Adora couldn’t resist. All that brainstorming couldn't go to waste, might as well test the waters right? In a moderately seductive tone. Adora replied. “Sounds like you saw something you liked on the field, huh?”

Catra was dumbstruck and it was so cute.

“Aggh um, what? No. God!” she was flustered. “Just, good job asshole!” Hah!  _ Oh you are so in for it Catra _ . “Thanks.” she replied and did a mini bicep flex and hand gun. Not like she had been practicing this move last week or anything, but it did go to good use. And it had the desired effect - Catra was as speechless as she was after the game, mouth slightly open and sort of confused and very, very flushed. “Cat got your tongue?” Adora followed up boldly. She felt proud of herself -  _ never  _ had she been this smooth in her life and Catra was just staring at her. Adora chuckled. “Wow, and I thought  _ I  _ was awkward.” She winked fondly. It felt great to have that undivided attention again. She missed it. And this type of flirting banter was okay for now, right?  _ Right _ ? It had to be or else she just messed everything up. 

OUCH! She felt a kick to her shin. It was Catra. Well, apparently when she can’t muster a comeback she resorted to kicking? Catra still looked embarrassed and dazed and she couldn’t take her eyes of Adora, which just felt like the best way to end this class. Adora playfully kicked her back and that was how the rest of the time passed - little playful kicks. She had a good feeling about this. 

After class ended and she walked Catra to the front of the room. She felt pretty transparent following her around like a dog, but Catra really didn’t mind - in fact she seemed to appreciate the attention. They were chatting and it felt casual, but also like they were sealing a pact, that they both wanted to talk to each other, but Catra wasn’t ready - she clearly wished she was, but she couldn’t muster it. Adora understood why after Catra bravely slipped her shades off for a few seconds and Adora confirmed that wow, she had been crying all day. Those were some very red and puffy eyes. Beautiful, gorgeous eyes, but very, very tender. Adora felt relieved to have some resolution that Catra had not been death staring or trying to be intimidating - she was really just feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed. VERY overwhelmed by the looks of it. 

Adora felt so dorky going in for a high five, but it was the only thing she could think of to touch Catra without being super weird about it. Catra always seemed so smooth and relaxed when she touched Adora, like it was just casual and familiar and she knew it felt good - really good. Despite being so sensitive to touch, Adora found herself craving Catra’s hands - even if it was surprising, it was never unwelcomed. 

So a high five it was to avoid reaching out and petting Catra’s shoulder like she was an actual cat. She could see a massive eye roll behind the glasses and then… they touched and Catras entire demeanor changed. It felt like her hand was melting into Adora’s so comfortably. Adora swore she could feel a twin longing to just stay there and hold hands, to feel each other's touch uninterrupted by crowded dance floors or needing to run off to a practice or a game or a friend. Then reality returned and alas, the hand fumbling came to an end. She hoped it could happen again. Adora murmured stuff about practice and Catra hoped that she would feel better tomorrow so they could find a time to talk. 

“I missed you too, Adora” rang in her ears all throughout the evening. 

\-----------

Adora could hardly focus on homework that night, she just felt too relaxed to care. “How’d it go today squirt?”

Mara asked with a little smile on her face. 

Adora sighed dreamily. “Really well.” 

“Hah! Excellent. Give me the rundown.” So Adora filled her in on the entire day of nerves and fear and lemon bars and how they both wanted to talk. 

“Yes!” Mara shouted at the end. “It’s gonna be okay!” 

“Yeah.” A pang of fear hit her then...what if it wasn’t? What would they talk about? Adora groaned. Glimmer. She had been too busy thinking about Catra today to think about Glimmer, and honestly they had been ignoring each other. Adora didn’t even want to deal with her, but felt weird about putting it off any longer...but she just needed a break. A break was okay right? They never really fought, but Adora just felt like she needed to have one conversation at a time and if Glimmer was still on her high horse then there was no use in arguing. Adora was both frustrated and reassured by this fact, as if it gave her permission to just take a lot of space. Yeah. 

She fell asleep easily that night, feeling worn out from soccer and so relieved and giddy from Catra. Tomorrow, they would figure it out. Maybe even have  _ the talk _ and move on from it? And then?

And then Adora was going to ask her out.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Adora seemed to bounce along the next day. She woke up feeling refreshed and strong. It's not that she looked forward to school, but it was such a marked difference then yesterday when she wanted to run away from the thought of it. Today meant seeing Bow and filling him in, adjusting her route to class so she could happen to  _ maybe _ bump into Catra, and then get to see her in class...and talk. She even put on another nice outfit that was, well, not athletic gear. The same slim jeans, her chunky white sneakers and then a light blue button down. She felt sorta preppy and business casual, but also...confident. She looked good. Having a crush really made going to school so much more interesting. 

But she wasn’t feeling so hopeful when she walked into class and saw a very frazzled Catra sitting in the back, nervously fidgeting with her phone and looking like she might be snappy and agitated. She wasn’t wearing glasses although her eyes looked a teeny bit red, and she just seemed shifty. Adora grabbed a seat next to hers this time and flashed her a quick smile. “Hey, good to see you.”

Catra looked up and a smile broke out on her face, a genuine and sweet one, albeit tense. It seemed a little strained, she was stressed, Adora could tell, but it was real. She was blushing too. “Hey.” She was bouncing her leg nervously and seemed impatient. What was going on? Adora suddenly remembered that she actually still had no idea what happened to Catra this week. 

“How are you today?” She asked tentatively. 

Catra gave a little laugh. “I’m okay. Better than yesterday, but still….behind.”

“Oof sorry,” Adora paused “...um, if you need any like, help catching up in history, I could like...help you. If you wanted?”  _ Whoa where did that come from?  _

Catra blushed harder and looked frozen. “Oh! Oh haha, thats nice,” she squeaked out. “I don’t know-” 

“Hello class!” Mr. M boomed out. 

Damn. 

Today was a lecture, a long one. Blah blah blah, Adora took copious notes but kept stealing glances out of the side of Catra. She always looked so good. She had on light sneakers and baggy jeans and a nice black belt and a little button up shirt on, with a black cap on. She really did not give a damn about what she was ‘supposed to wear’ or gendered clothes. She looked super cute. 

There was no group work today. Adora could hear Catra’s phone vibrating a lot - who was texting her so much? Adora felt another suspicious twinge of jealousy - was she getting texts from someone she was dating? Who liked her too?  _ Jesus calm down Adora!  _ Catra seemed irritated with the texts though, responding and whispering little curses and murmurs, then bouncing her leg some more. Adora really hoped that Catra would engage with her, touch her shoulder even? Flirt a little. 

No such luck. It felt like Catra didn’t even remember yesterday. 

Byt the end of class, Adora thought Catra might burst with nervous energy. She was disappointed and also feeling a little worried. Catra shot out of her desk with her bag and was out the door before Adora had even picked up her things. DAM! What a let down. 

Adora was half down the hall when she heard a loud “ADORA! Wait!” and turned to see a breathless Catra running towards her. “Oh, hey.” She tried to act casual but her heart was doing little flips. 

“Hey, Catra was panting and she jogged over, “I realized a ran out with saying goodbye.” oh shit,  _ Adora, stop swooning.  _ She couldn’t believe that that was even an expectation Catra even had of herself! So sweet. She  _ does _ care. 

She was still panting to catch her breath and had reached out and put her hand on Adora forearm. Yeeeeaaasssss. Adora’s heart beat a little faster. God those hands felt so nice.

“Um, yeah. My mom has been blowing up my phone and I need to go meet her, like now.” Catra was rushing, glancing at the time. “She’s kinda...impatient. And and asshole” she added with a scoff. “But I wanted to let you know that I haven’t forgotten about talking and still want to.” she breathed out. She had no agenda other than getting out the information, and clearly had no idea how beautiful she looked like this. “Anyways, I gotta go or else I’ll be in trouble, but I just…” she trailed off. They were making eye contact, Adora wide eyed and Catra seemingly suddenly distracted. She phone went of. “Shit! Okay, I just wanted to say goodbye! I gotta go!” She gave Adora’s arm a quick squeeze. 

“Okay!” Adora finally managed with a silly grin. 

Catra smiled and rolled her eyes while she failed to suppress a grin.

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow!” she was already scampering down the hallway. “Bye Adora!” 

“Bye.” Adora said to an empty hallway, grinning like an idiot. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Adora felt impatient. Not exactly to talk - well, yes to talk, but she felt impatient for  _ after _ the talk, what she and Catra might get to do together. It felt like things had been building for a long time, and then the drama of last weekend seemed to simultaneously set them back but also draw them towards each other. Even though they hadn’t gotten to have a real conversation in a while, somehow Adora felt closer to Catra. 

After practice she found herself wishing that she had Catra’s number so she could text her something cute or something...ask her how the lemon bars were...see how she was doing. Other things..

On second thought, it might be better that she didn’t have the number or else she would spend hours agonizing over what to write and wanting to say everything at once. She lost herself in homework for a few hours, thankfully getting just a little bit ahead. It was a  _ lot _ of work right now. Adora thought of Catra who was doing double the work right now and cridged. The resentment she had been feeling about not talking would quickly seep away when she thought about how full Catra’s schedule must be. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day was somewhat similar, although Catra didn’t have a zillion texts coming in. Adora had still casually poked around at lunch time looking for her, but decided that Catra was probably in the library when she saw Lonnie and the friend group without Catra and Rogellio. She felt thankful that Catra had a friend who would do that for her. Adora still hadn’t spoken with Glimmer. It seemed like she wasn’t ready to budge on the validity of her actions, and Adora still was agitated and simultaneously thankful to not have to deal with that element of confrontation. Bow seemed extra interested in how things were going with Catra, being equally disappointed when no conversations were had. 

Today in class they had more group work which was a blessing. Adora had chosen to dress up that entire week - it was kinda fun to think that maybe Catra was into it? Who knows. Bow just kept telling her to wear certain colors on certain days so she followed his instruction. Today she was in a black t-shirt and some khaki pants and her boots again. It was fine, but Bow said she looked “reeeeaaally good.” She thought she saw Catra looking her up and down just a bit more today as well. 

Unfortunately, it was her third day back and Catra seemed miserable still. Her eyes were definitely red again, and she looked exhausted. How someone looked so exhausted and so gorgeous was beyond her, but Adora accepted it nonetheless. Actually, Catra sorta looked like she had rolled out of bed in the grey hoodie and track pants and sneakers she had on. It was bizarre to see her in that outfit, it looked like she was about to go to the gym like an athlete rather than a motorcycling badass. Does she go to the gym? She must work out...Adora stopped herself from thinking too much about what Catra looked like running, covered in sweat. The girl was, after all, right next to her and only appeared to be half alive. 

Catra was able to participate more today, but she was definitely yawning a lot and didn’t have enough energy banter. She gave Adora a nice smile and hello and generally gave off a good vibe, but was just so tired that she barely could engage in their usual style. Over the course of that class Adora discovered more about Catra’s past week through her little complaints - the house flooded...and then ants? Ugh, disgusting. Catra alluded to issues with her mom, but didn’t get into it. It sounded like she was somehow in charge of handling the house crisis too, which would explain her absence and general stress. Adora waited to hear more, but she could tell that Catra was doing everything she could to just stay awake, so Adora tried to shove the impulse to bring up their conversation far away. She was just itching to get it over with - she  _ really _ wanted to clear the air and get this lunch date - or whatever - on the schedule. That is, if Catra even wanted to. 

The class ended and Adora watched Catra drag herself up. Thankfully she wasn’t bolting out the door, so Adora chatted idly with her. “Hey, so yesterday I asked if you needed any help with homework...do you?” 

Catra looked back at her smiling. She had some serious bags under her eyes. Ouch. “You’re sweet,” Adora’s heart skipped a beat.  _ Say yes. _ “I think...that if we tried to do homework together,” she started to blush and look away “we would just end up talking...” oh. The talk. “...and you’re really distracting.” She finished, scratching the back of her neck and blushing harder.  _ Oh _ . okay, that was cute. Not the bad kind of talking. Adora blushed right back. “Oh- okay.” silence. “Well, where are you going now?” 

“Oh! Ugh, i need to go make up a chem test. Barf.” Catra’s face fell.  _ Jesus, she really was having a rough week.  _

“Oh, um, can - can I walk you there?”

Catra perked up. “Oh, uh, yeah.” She seemed so shy all the sudden. 

So Adora walked out with her, talking lightly. 

“Oh god, I forgot to say the lemon bars were soooooo good. Amazing. They were just the way I like them.” Catra chattered. 

Adora felt a firework show in her chest. Yes! Yes! Yes. Awesome. “Oh. Good, I hope they helped with the homework.” 

“They did,” Catra was getting excited, “holy shit I stayed up so late that night - well, every night - but they made it so much better. Thank you so much.” she was bouncing up and down in her step, a bit groggily, but still bouncing. It was really cute.

“Oh, good. Um, have you had some late nights?” 

Catra rolled her eyes. “Dude you have no idea” and then she launched into a list of all her assignments, the teachers, her mom...everything. Catra got really enthusiastic and seemed genuine, no front, and even though it was mostly school stuff, it felt like she was opening up to Adora. She watched Catra’s hands fly around expressively and her sarcasm made Adora laugh. She talked just a bit more about her mom and filled up the ten minutes they had before her chem test with a very brief but telling update on her life - minus the fallout from the saturday night. 

When they reached the room, Catra got shy again and blushed nervously. “Well, thanks for walking me and, uh, listening.” she looked away. “Yeah, of course, um, its really nice to talk outside of class.”

“Really?!”Catra was surprised again, 

“Yeah, I’d love to more.” A massive grin broke out on Catra’s face at this. 

“Oh, okay.” she got so giggly all the sudden, “Well, tomorrow lets make a plan, yeah?”  _ A plan? Like a lunch plan?? Oh, wait a plan to talk about the shitty night.  _ “Yeah, totally.” Adora said, just a little disappointed, although she couldn’t pinpoint why. There was an awkward silence. 

“ Uh, well I should get practice.” she said guiltily. “Oh,” Catra looked a little disappointed too “Yeah, have a good one then.” 

“Yeah good luck with your test.” 

“Thanks.” Catra said.

And just like that, Adora felt Catra’s arms around her neck. oh. It was a really brief, a super short ‘goodbye’ type of hug. But holy gazzolli it was so nice. Catra’s smell surrounded her - her shampoo, her detergent, a sort of citrusy earthy smell too that seemed distinctively hers. Adora wanted to stay there for the rest of the day and bury her face into Catra’s neck, into her curls and inhale her. Before she could even put her arms around Catra’s waist, the hug was over and the chem door was opening and Catra was giving her a sweet little grin. “Bye princess, try not to get your ass kicked.” she smirked. “Oh, and you look nice today.” And she was gone. 

Whoa. Adora just stood there for a few moments, relishing the sensation of the embrace, Catra’s smell, her warmth, her energy. Hmmm she wanted to run her hands up and down Catra’s back. It felt so new and familiar at the same time. Thoughts of Catra’s body and kissing her returned in full throughout the rest of the walk to practice. Thankfully she was able to focus and be the best captain she could be, but afterwards at home, bam. Back to the hug. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You have that look on your face again,” Mara said suspiciously. “Huh? What look?” Adora loved that Mara was home but  _ damn _ , her sister could read her like a book. Then again, most people could read her like a book, but Mara had an uncanny sense of it, down to the last sentence. “That ‘thinking about Catra’ look.” Uhg. and this point Mara knew Catra’s name and could probably create a rough sketch of her at this point. 

“Umm…. okay.” 

“What happened ?? Adora, spill.” 

So Adora groaned and then gushed about the cuteness of the hug and Mara just smiled and shook her head. “God, you are so into this girl.”

Heh. understandment. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

Adora was in class, feeling a little uneasy. It was Thursday and they still hadn’t talked, and Catra looked no better than yesterday. Still exhausted and tired, but thankfully a bit less gloomy. She was wearing that read button down shirt again with black pants and it was just...so distracting. Adora was trying to mentally physc herself up to propose getting lunch together next week, but it was proving to be hard. The ask was supposed to come  _ after  _ the conversation as ‘phase 6’ of the plan, but things had been scrambled by the lack of opportunity. Dang. Maybe  _ I could ask her to come to the game and talk after? _ No, I’ll be too tired and wired. But I want her to see me play too. “...Adora? What do you think?” Catra was looking at her intently, tired eyes no less piercing and gorgeous. “Oh, uh, what? Sorry, I spaced.” 

“Get it together idiot, you’re worse than me!” Catra laughed as she threw a playful punch at Adora’s shoulder. Always with the shoulder. Aggg do it again please.

“I said, “what do you think of doing the third section of the third chapter of the little shit”?” The ‘little shit’ being the massive group report. “Oh, yeah, yeah totally. Let me just uh, mark that down.” Catra looked skeptical at the mostly blank paper in front of Adora, and then at her own, which was full of notes. “Sure princess. Let me know if you need to copy some notes…” she smirked. Adora smiled guiltily. “Heh, okay.” Why did she feel like such an oaf around this girl. They hadn’t really had much interaction that class and Adora just seemed stumped about how to start any conversation today, and class was about to end. It made her feel weirdly sad. She just wanted Catra to hug her again. Was it too much to ask of life?

“Hey, how was your test?” Catra glared at her. Wrong thing to say. “Hellish. End of story.” She deadpanned. Adora could feel herself shrinking and Catra seemed to notice. “Hey relax,” Oh, Catra was trying to banter I guess? “It was fine, thanks for asking.” She threw in a wink. A very tired wink, but a great attempt at playfulness. There was a long pause “Thanks for walking me.” It was a sultry, low tone that made Adora feel giddy. She could feel heat in her belly and she must have looked a bit stunned, because Catra did a very subtle up and down look of Adora’s torso and smirked just a little more. She knew that she caught her off guard. Payback for Monday, Adora would gladly take it if it meant attention. “Your welcome.” she said flatly. The class seemed to end on that note. Adora looking like a wordless guppy while Catra stared her down with a flirtatious smirk on her face. It was nice to see that her edge was coming back but Adora was feeling nervous that she wouldn’t see Catra’s vulnerability for a little while. “Cat got your tongue princess?”  _ I wish.  _ Still stunned. Catra gave a sharp laugh as the bell rang and yanked up her stuff and headed straight towards the door without a look back. Adora was trying to reboot, looking down and fumbling with her stuff, trying to quell the disappointment of Catra leaving without a goodbye. Did she even have the right to feel disappointed? She couldn’t help but feel like she was being played with - one day she’s sweet and vulnerable, the next it felt like her shell was hardening right back up, poking at Adora and not even mentioning the fact that they had this conversation and work through something.She could tell she was putting so much pressure on every interaction they had as if it was a barometer of how Catra felt towards her, which was irrational but it was all she had. Gahh so many conflicting emotions, so much weird reasoning ricocheting around in her head. Her whole mood at the end of the day seemed to hinge on whatever words they exchanged and it affected the evening too, she just couldn’t stop thinking about this...crush? Obsession. _ Do I have a problem? Is this unhealthy?  _ AND this notebook still wouldn’t fit in her bag!  _ Why am I carrying around so much stuff all the time? _ She suddenly wanted to cry - everything seemed insurmountable. 

“Princess, hurry up!”  _ Wha _ ? She looked up to see Catra leaning against the wall expectantly, tapping her foot. She was waiting for me? Waited?! Catra widened her eyes in response to Adora’s silence. 

“You coming or what? Or are you just gonna spend the whole night grumbling at papers?” Adora laughed out loud. This girl. Well, she assumed wrong again, thank god. “Lay off catra, jeez.” she playfully snapped back, feeling surge of stupid, giddy happiness.  _ She waited! Yeah! _

“Well come on! I don’t wanna walk to this math test alone.” she rolled her eyes impatiently as Adora decided to just jam the book in her bag and make her way towards the door with Catra. They strolled out together, Catra laughing at Adora’s grin, launching into stories about her week. Adora learned that her mom had been out of town and that the woman had the unfortunate habit of waking Catra up by barging into her room and yelling - it was already happened twice this week, and it sounded like Catra had spent about twenty-four of the hundred and twenty hours of this school week sleeping and was running on fumes at this point. She was so ready for some rest and she looked really tired. Adora nodded along, exclaiming and laughing at the right times, mostly basking in the sound of Catra’s raspy voice and nice hands waving in the air. Before she knew it, they were Catra’s math class and their time was up. “Okay princess, time for me to go stretch my brain to it’s final threads.” Catra said dramatically. “Good luck,” Adora said dumbly, wracking her brains for a comeback that wasn’t  _ please hug me and kiss my face passionately in the middle of this hallway right now.  _ “I hope you have a few threads left.” Eh. Oh well. Catra chuckled and shook her head, “You’re such an idiot” and gave Adora a friendly kick on the side of her calf. “Watch who you’re calling idiot, idiot.” And Adora tried to lightly body check Catra, who easily dodged and yelped with a little giggled and raised her arm and - and suddenly Adora was bent over in a headlock, her neck in the crook of Catra’s elbow and Catra was rubbing the knuckles of her other hand into Adora’s scalp. Damn she was actually really fast. Adora’s cheek was blissfully pressed against Catra’s side, right by her ribcage, and she could feel the warmth of her skin. “Agh!” Adora yelled, “help!” She wished this moment would last into the evening and she could just smell Catra’s scent while she pretended to  _ not _ enjoy the feeling of her scalp getting a vigorous massage from the most beautiful person in the school. Yesssssss. 

Alas, much like the hug, the headlock had to end, but this time Adora wrapped her arm around Catra’s waist while she was bent over and pretended to struggle and try to rip her away. It was truly just another excuse for them to be touching, but it was also actually fun to playfight. Catra was fast and strong and sassy and would probably be fun to wrestle with - oh god don’t think about that. “Let me go you villain!” she called out and Catra’s laugh bathed her in such a lovely sensation as she released her neck. Adora left her arm on the small of Catra’s back for just a few moments longer than necessary as they laughed together, while Catra opened the door. “Bye princess,” she said suddenly shy, “ I’ll see you tomorrow. From there lets make a plan to talk? I think my head with be clearer by then.” 

“Yeah, yeah,”Adora was catching her breath. “See you then, good luck.”  _ Tomorrow _ . Tomorrow she would ask Catra to come to the game and maybe have lunch next week. Yeah. “Thanks.” Catra disappeared into the room and Adora dopily floated over the soccer field in a giddy little daze. 

Later that night Mara got the update and shook her head. “The little things, right?” Adora nodded stupidly. “Yeah.” she sighed.

\-----

Today was the day. Adora got dressed in her finest ‘casual-hot’ outfit with Bow’s help. It was really just black pants and another white shirt, but it fit Adora really well, even she would admit that. Her belt had a big gold buckle on it and she borrowed some black boots that Mara got a few sizes too big. Adora had her plan for today - she even baked more lemon bars. Bold move, but she was about to pull all the moves today. Bow was helping her plan everything out, and she and Glimmer still hadn’t really had a talk. Adora tried to broach the subject but Glimmer just huffed and puffed and turned away. THAT was going to be a project. Adora knew Glimmer was just in denial at this point and was probably upset with herself under the surface but it still wasn’t the right time. Whatever, she had more important and sexier issues to contend with. The day crawled along like Razz’s desktop computer when you needed to do anything quickly, but mercifully the clock eventually struck 2:00pm and Adora hightailed it to History. She was practically the first person there and took a seat in the back where Catra usually sat, and even casually threw her bag on the desk next to her. It felt possessive and weird but whatever. Catra had been making a lot of ‘first moves’ of sorts, like the hug and headlock and waiting for her, so she would probably appreciate a saved seat - right?  _ Right?  _ It had to be okay. 

But it didn’t even matter. 

The bell rang, five minutes passed, ten minutes, twenty, then thirty and Catra hadn’t shown up. DAMN IT. And all that mentally prep for nothing?  _ I should have done it yesterday!!  _ Argh. Adora was pissed. Not only did she stay up late baking these dang bars but she had a strong feeling about tonight's game and she  _ really  _ wanted Catra to watch her again.  _ Was that vain?  _ Yeah. She didn’t care. Asking Catra to get lunch wasn’t exactly a date, it was still during school, but it kinda felt like it - it would be the first time they intentionally hung out outside class. And now she wasn’t even here for it! 

A deflated Adora made her way to the locker rooms to get ready, her spirits quickly rising as the adrenaline pumped through her veins through warm ups and then the start of the game. They were playing a team from the sprawling city of Brightmoon, about an hour’s drive away. She couldn’t remember which school - it was either Brightmoon High, Spire High, Castle High - some high school in the city. Either way, they were good -  _ really good _ \- and gave Etheria a run for the money. Adora couldn’t remember the last time she felt so challenged on the field, it was great to play a team that really pushed them, it was the good kind of hard but it really wore her out. Adora was right though, she played a really strong game and at the last minute made a brilliant winning goal. Usually energetic a boisterous team, was flat out exhausted, doing a very slow jog toward the bleachers as the crowd went wild. Adora felt the rush of pride as they were huddled and then surrounded but friends and family. Mara made it to the last half and was absolutely beaming at her, lifting Adora in a hug off the ground. Bow clapped her on the back, and even Glimmer was smiling wide and gave her a high five. The team was thrilled to meet Mara - she was a bit of a legend at the school, actual athletic royalty. Right after she had made introductions and was turning away from the circle of her teammates, there was a piercing whistle from the side of the bleachers and a loud, “Hey! Adora!” Someone was standing on the other side of the chain link fence, waving at her enthusiastically. Catra? Why was she over there and not in class? Adora was suddenly giddy and forgot about being irritated as she started to jog over. “Good job!” Catra’s eyes were gleaming even from this distance. “What are you doing there -”

The aggressive blaring of a car horn cut her off. She watched Catra’s face fall, look behind her and give a glare of utter irritation. Adora caught the angry “I’m Coming!!” that Catra appeared to be shouting to the honking car behind her. Her head snapped back towards Adora who was still trying to jog towards her, a brilliant but wistful smile. “Good job! You were amazing - even if you are an idiot.” she shouted. Her face was flushed and glowing in the light, beautiful eyes glinting in the flood lamps. Adora guffawed, trying to weave through the small crowd between them. More car honks. A massive eye roll and Catra mouthed ‘mom’ and stuck her tongue out. Adora was almost there when the horn went off in one, horrible, continuous beep and Catra yelled “argh!!” and jumped down from the fence. Once she was in the passenger seat did the horn stop. Adora could make out the sounds of yelling and arguing as they pulled away. 

Adora watched from the fence the tail lights of a little turquoise VW bug zoom off. That must have been her mom. Maybe that's why she wasn’t in class? 

Adora couldn’t suppress her grin. Catra saw her play. She saw her play and she called her ‘amazing’. Adora felt another swell of pride in her chest and turned back to her team, smiling wide. She couldn't wait for Monday


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NOW.
> 
> This isn't a summary but please read : 
> 
> We're back! So, so sorry the radio silence folks! I can't believe it's close to three weeks since I posted- way, way too long. The emotional roller coaster of the world took me down, but I'm back now.
> 
> This is a short chapter but I really wanted to post it to  
> a) let you know the fic is not dead, and  
> b) get back into the swing of things. 
> 
> PLEASE READ THE END NOTES because...I'm asking for your help on the story. ;) 
> 
> Also a heads up : I'm considering changing the title of the fic. This one just doesn't fit for me as I chose it when I had much different intentions in mind lol. I just wanted to prep you.

**NOW.**

Was it weird to find solace at the grocery store? To feel like you belonged, like you could pass the time just browsing the isles, pretending to shop and bask in the comfort of being surrounded by strangers? 

Catra suspected it was, but she was too damn relieved to care. It was 10:00am on a Saturday morning in the local supermarket, and she was carrying every fucking school supply in her very heavy backpack as she strode through the snack section the 5th time. Or was it the 6th? She had been here for an hour already. Ridiculous, right? Who does that to start the weekend?

Apparently I do. Pathetic? Don’t give a fuck. No way am I hanging out at home. Besides, this weekend deserved a weird beginning just like the entire past week. It had been a blur, just a murky soup of work, crying, and stress. If it wasn’t for Rogellio’s help and Scorpia’s pep talks, Catra really didn’t know what would have happened- she probably would have tried to run away to live in a cave...seriously. Like, she had even googled local cave sites. Unfortunately everything was over 15 hours away and protected by some environmental laws and shit. She wasn’t fully caught up on all her school work, but it was definitely a surprise at how close she was, which was a plus. Lonnie had done her best to be supportive and texted Catra a bit each day and even called her once, but the warm fuzzies weren’t exactly her strong suit and that was pretty much the only thing that Catra could handle. She still was fuming about Saturday night and seemed to have intensified her disdain for Glimmer, Bow and Adora, which was understandable but seemed a liiiiittle extreme. She somehow knew that Catra had voluntarily interacted with Adora which she was clearly frustrated by and was a little snappy with Catra as a result. Really not what I need. 

But Rogellio, bless him to the moon and back. Catra was happy that the homework stuff had brought them closer together because honestly, she forgot how much she liked him. It sounds shitty, but it was true. It’s not like they never spoke, but she mostly hung out with Lonnie and Scorpia, and Rogelio with Kyle and Entrapa. Catra wasn’t always sure what he was thinking, and sometimes didn’t know if he  _ really _ liked her and was just tolerating her, so Catra had never made a super big effort to get to know him. That was her fault, Catra thought with a pang of guilt. It’s weird, right, so spend a fair amount of time with someone but not really get to know them. Maybe I should ask him to hang outs someday? Just us? For whatever reason it made Catra feel a little nervous and excited, but it was time to put nerves aside and just try it. Vulnerability right? Maybe it could take her mind of the seasonal veil of gloom.

The other silver lining of this shit of a week was getting to feel like things with Adora were a bit smoothed over, and had even progressed in a strange way. For some unknown reason, Catra’s fear about touching people seemed to lessen with Adora - or perhaps it was overpowered by desire and the addictive sensation of physical contact with an absurdly attractive bumbling idiot. Whatever the cause was, Catra had been thinking about touching Adora all week. _Creepy_.

Scorpia had really been pushing her to keep the ‘ _connection open_ ’ even if they didn’t talk this week, and forced Catra to promise that she would bring up the need for a conversation each day that it didn’t happen, just so Adora understood that Catra took it seriously. Scorpia almost encouraged Catra to be a bit ...handsy with Adora. Well, not exactly to the level that she took it - that definitely was pushing some limits, but Scorpia kept saying things like ‘  _ she’s an athlete _ ’ and ‘ _ she liked it before! _ ’ How Scorpia was so on the mark with this theory was suspicious, as she was rarely so accurate with social stuff like this. She also got uncharacteristically vague and defensive when Catra’ pressed her for  _ how _ she actually knew this, but Scorpia chalked it up to intuition. Whatever. Catra wasn’t complaining. She had been excited all week actually, getting to push the contact a little more through random little touches and hugs, it was a great reminder that happiness  _ actually  _ existed in this world and could come through physical stuff other than adrenaline highs. Their hug on Tuesday had been divine - it left Catra tingling all throughout the chem test and then some, and made her feel like some jittery middle schooler. She could have stayed in that hug all night, feeling Adora’s soft breath on her neck though her hair, warm body up against hers. She just wanted to touch, touch, touch. Was a headlock too much? Maybe, but Adora’s arm against her back was to die for. Catra felt a swell in her chest just thinking about it. God, she wanted to just push that girl against a wall and hold her there with her lips. Ugh horny much? How am I _this_ touch starved? Either way, it had definitely brought some stress relief through the intensity of the school work and her mom’s incessant complaints, and making Adora smile was just so...UGH. So cute. So nice. So rewarding.

But the downfall of this week was undeniably mom...oh my god. Catra couldn’t believe the woman- how on earth was Catra supposed to know that mom had wanted to replace the carpet for _years_ with a new color? How was another round of cream colored rug her fault when she literally asked for instructions and got none? And  _ why _ was Shannon complaining about the ant poison  _ brand _ of all things, when it was an actual ant invasion that rivaled the 8th plague. And _then_ there was Wednesday when Shannon was blowing up her phone, because Catra ‘forgot’ about a dentist appointment she never knew existed, and yet again Friday when,  _ surprise surprise _ , she had to miss  _ another _ history class in order to go to a doctor’s appointment that she never knew existed as well.  _ HOW _ was she supposed to know these things!?

She tricked Weaver into driving by the soccer game Friday night and practically jumped out of the moving car to try to catch sight of Adora, and oh wow, did she ever. That final goal was like a shot of warmth to Catra’s belly, goddamn that girl could move on the field. So graceful and so powerful. She also looked dead tired with her messy hair and face dripping with sweat after the game, which honestly was a nice look by Catra’s standards. The moisture in her jersey made her clothes cling to her body even more, showing off her athletic build. Catra was lucky to catch her attention even for a moment, and thrilled to see how excited Adora was to see her. 

Catra daydreamed all the way through snacks and then over to cereal, imagining hallway make outs and another scary movie night with friends, browsing some of her old favorite cereals. People bustled around her, picking up groceries for the weekend, rushing impatiently, leisurely chatting on the phone. Catra felt a pang of loneliness as she looked down at her basket. A lightbulb, gummy snacks, a bag of hot chips. The other shoppers seemed so sure of themselves and it just increased that feeling of anonymity. Was it weird to feel insecure about yourself because you weren't as confident as other shoppers?! God. Just a solo person moving through the world -  _ no one even knows I’m here _ , what I’m doing, how I’m feeling in this moment. Not like anything bad was happening but it just felt...lonely. Lost, she felt lost. Catra seriously considered texting a friend just to feel like somebody instead of nobody, but what would she say?  _ ‘ Hey Lonnie, sup? Just wanted to text you because I’m feeling like an insignificant piece of human driftwood in the sea of existence aaaaand wanted to let you know I’m at the Supermarket.’  _ Yeah….no. She sighed at the lightbulb. It would get easier as she got older right?

She decided the pondering could get a bit too intense for what the market was made for, so she did a mental review of cafés she could do homework at today. The library maybe? The grocery store could only last so long, full of toddlers and parents, grannies and little old ladies barreling towards her at full speed ---

“Help! Help me find my baby!”  _ This _ little old lady had surprisingly strong hands, which were suddenly wrapped around Catra’s wrist. A baby? She lost a baby? Fuck. Oh my god!

“What!? Where did you last see them!” 

The woman blinked up owlishly. Her glasses prescription must be pretty high because her eyes looked massive. 

“The vegetables.” She whispered mysteriously, and then abruptly shot down the aisle muttering to herself dragging Catra along. 

“Wait! We should tell the staff! They can help.'' Catra panted. A baby!? How did this woman lose a baby?! How did she even have a baby? Maybe her grandchild? Babysitting? Shit. Also, this was super weird. She was so out of her element, she had never done a search and rescue. Catra was looking around frantically and seemed much more concerned about the situation than this woman. 

“Can your baby crawl yet?”

“Oh yes! My baby can _walk_! She can even run! We must hurry!” The lady was saying, not nearly half as alarmed as she should be. Shit! The was a fucking emergency.

They finally burst out of the aisle and into the produce section heading towards a mountain of broccoli. 

“I saw her here last!” 

“Okay, I’ll help you look! What does she look like?!” 

“Blonde, big, wearing blue - Oh! There she is!” The little old lady slowed to a stop and smiled, demeanor completely changing - now she seemed absolutely carefree. OH.

Adora stood in front of them, a cabbage in her hand, jaw hanging halfway open with an expression of bewilderment as she stared at Catra and this little old woman. “I thought I lost you dearie,” the woman was saying to Adora, “wandering off like that.” 

“Razz...I’ve been here the whole time…” Adora said worriedly. 

“Ah! Well you blended into the crowd...plus it's hard to see over the vegetable pyramids” the woman said dismissively. True. There was no way this woman could see over any of the veggie pyramids they were quite tall in comparison. 

Adora. It was Adora. Adora was the baby. “Is _this_...your baby?” Catra asked hesitantly. Adora’s face fell and with a hint of irritation. “Razz…” she said through gritted teeth. “I’m  _ not _ a baby any more.” 

“Sure sure dearie, but you’ll always be my baby” patting Adora’s arm contently and immediately started humming while rummaging through a pile of carrots. 

“Adora…” Catra stared, stunned. Adora? Was this Adora’s mom? Why were they here together? More importantly - holy shit - Catra was now caught in the act of  _ recreationally  _ going to the supermarket to feel less like a loser. Oh shit, act normal, breathe, breathe. Catra stood stalk still, mind racing. Adora stared back. Unfortunately she looked hot as ever which did not help the feeling. Finally Catra found her words and said in a serious, low tone, “A baby like you shouldn’t be wandering off like that.”

Adora threw her head back and laughed a glorious, beautiful laugh that swept Catra’s heart right into the air. She wanted to make Adora laugh like that all day long. What a fucking sap. Her expression had shifted from exasperation right to joy. “I guess you’re right.” she finally answered out as her laughter subsided, looking down at Catra through teary eyes. Catra could tell that she was beaming back at Adora, and she was too excited to even care that she looked like idiot looking at an idol. 

“Hey Adora,” she tried to say casually, “It's nice to see you.” 

“Nice to see you too.” Now Adora, smiling like the sun, was blushing, scratching the back of her neck. 

“Uhh...so you come here often?”

It was Catra’s turn to laugh. _Oh, if only she knew!_ “I sure do princess, all the time.” She winked and Adora laughed loud again - she has no idea I’m not joking _._ It was a perfect way of speaking your truth without having to really own up to it.

Adora was in a big blue sweatshirt and grey sweat pants and what seemed to be enormous slipper boots. Her hair was a little messy and it looked like she woke up an hour ago or so. Classic Adora, she looked jocky and hot in her damn pajamas. 

“So you’re shopping with...your little old lady?” Catra asked, turning with Adora towards the cabbages. 

“Yeah, Razz is my Grandma, I actually live with her. I have since I was -”

“-a baby?” Catra finished. 

“Hah! Yeah, you got it.” Adora smiled back, looking down at Catra. “We were running low on groceries so she needed to do a big run. Usually I would be at home and maybe starting homework, but instead I’m ….here.” She glared coldly at the vegetables around her. “But you’re here so now it’s great!” She perked right back up as she laid eyes back on Catra. 

_ It’s great.  _ Perfect. There was a moment of silence where Catra just looked up at Adora and forgot to say anything. “Uh.. What are you doing here?” Adora looked down at Catra’s measly basket. 

“Oh! Uh, you know just buying some...essentials.” She ended with a smirk looking directly into Adora’s eyes, which conjured another deep laugh. _ Gotcha again.  _ “I got here early...I just wanted to check it out before I find a cafe to sit at and do my work today.” Catra shifted from foot to foot. “I thought maybe an early start out of the house would be...good for me. If you know what I mean.” 

Adora nodded. “That's smart - Hey, I need to go over there..um, want to walk me over?” She sounded unsurely, “You don’t have to!” She added. 

_Oh I would love to babe._ “Nah that's cool, I’ll walk with you, nothing better to do.” She would walk Adora to any pile of vegetables for as long as she let her, shit. Catra was trying to hide her excitement, she seriously could not have imagined a better trip to the store this early in the morning. A _dora_ , she was with Adora, outside of school in a relaxed place. 

“You played really well last night - well, what I saw of it.” Catra trailed next to her and watched Adora smile to herself. “Sorry I couldn’t be there - or even for history. I really wanted to go - well, just really to see you - ”  _ fuck why did I just say that _ “ - but my mom went totally wild on me again - apparently I had a doctors appointment that we needed to go to?” Catra complained, watching Adora out of the side of her eye. Am I being annoying? She was super focussed on both the potatoes and what Catra was saying - still blushing “ So yeah, it was nice to see you for a sec...that goal at the end was like...not to bad, even for you.” 

“Heh, uh, thanks.” So awkward, so cute. She was glowing. “Yeah, it was a tough game but we pulled through at the end for sure.” It was clear she was having a little trouble forming her sentences through all the praise. Also she sounded like an annoying captain which Catra thought was stupid. It was very lovable. Sap.

They shuffled along, chatting. Adora told her more about the game and Catra listened quietly. Catra told her about her mom and how thankfully - Catra finally got a full 10 hours of sleep. They moved through the vegetables and Catra casually attached herself to Adora’s side, doing her best to not throw her hands all over her but instead bump elbows. Adora blushed every time.

“My favorite is honey nut cheerios,” Catra said as they passed through walls of cereal. “Ugh, no! Granola!” 

“Adora. Gross.” 

“Catra, unhealthy!” 

“Whatever. Still delicious” 

They bantered through the fruits and snacks, trailing the ever-humming Razz who Adora was now watching like a hawk. Smart move. She seemed like the real escape artist here. 

As they neared the cashier Catra realized that their time would be up soon. Damnit universe, throw me a bone! Why did another good thing have to end? The time in the store confirmed her suspicion that yes, Adora outside of class was something totally different. She was more relaxed and calm, perfectly content to stroll around produce and talk without needing to run off to the next thing or impress anyone. She was more playful and interesting ; Catra felt like she could listen to her talk for hours. It was nice to not have to put up a weird attitude to get through the day, especially like last week, and Adora made it so easy to  _ not _ front. 

Catra was yanked out of her thoughts when Razz wheeled on them suddenly. “Adora!” She raised a finger triumphantly “ You made friends with your rescuer! Who is she?”

“Oh, god, uh sorry Razz. I actually already knew her - wait rescuer?!” 

“She helped me find you.” Razz said flatly. Adora gave the slightest eye roll. Sassy Adora? Sign me up. 

“Yeah, anyways, we know each other from class, this is Catra.” 

“Catra...eh? Name sounds familiar.” Razz seemed to float closer to Catra all the sudden and look up at her with those luminous eyes. Whatever prescription this woman had seemed to increase her powers of looking directly into Catra’s soul. It was unnerving. She was positive Razz could see the hot swell of attraction the Catra had for this woman’s granddaughter. And the - uh - more physical urges she had towards Adora.  _ Ew _ . Catra flinched subconsciously as Razz continued to examine her. 

“Well!” Razz broke the silence jovially. 

“Catra it is lovely to meet you! I love meeting Adora’s friends especially if I’ve heard about them!” 

“Huh?” 

Catra caught sight of a bright red and sticken Adora looking away.  _ Razz knows about me?  _

“Yes, yes, you a clearly as lovely as I’ve heard -”

“Razz!” Adora said in a panicked tone, “uh...it’s our turn in line!” then promptly pushed the cart ahead of both of them and began to unload mechanically. Razz looked up at Catra with a glitter in her eye. “It’s lovely to meet you.” She repeated in a warm whisper. 

Catra paid for her three little items and was waiting patiently for Adora and Razz by the time they finished. 

“Well…” Adora looked at Catra, still flushed, but also looking a bit dejected. “I guess...I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah,” said Catra “actually, do you want to maybe make a plan. Or like,” Catra could feel herself turning more red by the nanosecond, “exchange numbers or something?” Gaaahhh be chill be chill be chill. 

“Yeah! Yeah totally. My phone is, uh,” she patted around in her pockets. “I think it’s in the car, one sec, Razz?” she turned around expecting to see Razz, but all they saw was the tail-end of her dress as she slipped out the door pushing the massive shopping cart as she hummed. 

“Razz!” the two of them jogged out together. The little woman could move fast! As if by magic, she was already halfway across the expansive parking lot and heading towards a beat up yellow honda. Finally they caught up with her as she was opening the trunk. “Oh there you are dearies! Come on, help me unload this so we can go home.” 

“Yeah, okay Razz. Let me just grab my phone so I can get Catra’s number and then we’ll leave.” Catra felt disappointed all over again. This was gonna be a lonely day from here on out.

Razz halted what she was doing and looked up at Adora with the most judgemental and bewildered expression. She let out an incredulous gasp with a face to match.

“On your way dearie?” Now Razz looked at Catra with an offended expression. 

“Hah, oh no no no dearie,” she spoke extra slow as if conveying a very complicated idea to a small child “ no, YOU,” she pointed at Catra, “are coming,” she pointed at the car, “with US. Who will help me with dinner if you're not there?” she gestured to herself and Adora. 

Come with them? Where? Yes please but also ... holy shit no. I am so not ready for this. Adora blubbered from a moment before regaining her sense of speech.

“Uh, Razz, I don’t know - um, Catra is busy? - well, we don’t...Catra what do you want?”

She seemed to abandon whatever she was trying to push out and looked toward to Catra in order to make the decision. This was weird, right? She would never do this with anyone, ever. In fact, she rarely ever got invited to people’s houses, especially not by parents and grannies. She figured it was because of how she dressed or just how she carried herself in general. She wanted to hang out with Adora but wasn’t going to her house a little too soon? They weren’t really friends exactly...but also...they were sorta close in a way. Well...they had definitely _been_ close. Oh god, imagine Lonnie’s reaction. Catra cringed as she thought of Glimmer. 

Catra was stuck in this state of confusion as Razz stared at her impatiently. “I...uh…”

No time to finish that sentence. Nope. Boney little hands dragged her to the backseat and shoved her in. HOW is this woman so strong? Adora is stuffed in the car next. Soon the front doors slammed, the key turned in the ignition and Razz revved the engine _aggressively_ and careened out of the parking lot.

Welp, here goes nothing! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thank you so much to everyone who has been reading and enjoying, and especially if you've left comments. It means a lot to me and totally helps. And I'm so sorry for the wait! I got stuck in my writing and current events had me hella stressed out. 
> 
> AND NOW, I have a dangerous request. I would love YOUR input. I've been a little stuck in the story and honestly losing a sense of some stuff - I might be a bit too submerged in my mind, or the break, or the quagmire of Catradora fics I've been reading. I most certainly have some plans and LOT of material I need to edit down, but I need your help now : 
> 
> Could you tell me what elements you're interested in hearing more of in this fic? 
> 
> Could let me what you've liked about the fic so far, chapters, things that peaked your interest, what you're invested in, what you want to read more of?  
> For example:  
> Friendship dynamics? Family? Certain characters? World building? Explorations of different personalities? Relationships? More/less tension? Fluff? More/less dialogue? More/less internal monologues? Emphasis on other themes? 
> 
> I can't say I'm "taking requests" and ultimately I will make the calls...BUT...I am hoping to get a sense of where to build the story and keep you interested!
> 
> Also, in case you didn't see it in the summary, I'm considering changing the title of the fic - I choose it when I had no idea how this was going to turn out so it feels super off to me. 
> 
> Okay cuties, stay safe out there, and sorry for the wait!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait folks, here ya go!
> 
> Thanks for the input for those of you who gave it :)
> 
> Another heads up, I'm still planning on changing the title of this fic :) It might happen today!

**_NOW_ ** .

Yes. 

Yes, this is totally chill. Toootally chill. 

Catra was super calm and collected. Like so fucking chill. Super duper chill AF.

_Holy fucking shit I’m in Adora’s car._

It sinks in.

Catra fidgeted with her hands. Yup, this is definitely Adora’s car - well, Adora’s grandmas’ car - and they were definitely driving to… her house. Yes. Chill. Okay, deep breaths Catra, deep breaths. 

She had really really been wanting to hang out with Adora but this was like...not really what she expected? Shouldn’t this be like a dream come true, _not_ plagued with anxiety? Wouldn’t everyone want to be going home with their crush - their super hot sweet crush, with Adora Gray of all people?

Who wouldn’t want to be swept into an ancient car by little old grandma of the hottest person ever, and forced into the backseat to go home? Hm...when you put it like that, anxiety is more understandable. Maybe Adora hated this.

Razz took a hard left - a _VERY_ hard left - out of the parking lot and Catra snapped back into the present. A few drivers honked and made some rude commentary but Razz just glared at them and said “Pah!” Through the window. 

“Razz, go easy!” Adora hissed, and nervously glanced back at Catra. “We have a- a _guest_ in the car!” Right, Catra was in the car. Looking in the front seat, Adora seemed just as stiff and in shock about the situation, if not more embarrassed by Razz’s driving. Honestly the woman could have been a contender for a senior edition of Fast and Furious. Catra looked at the side view mirror and caught Adora staring at her. Catra grinned - an attempt to be suave and super chill but her nerves must have been evident because Adora blushed and gave her a reassuring smile.

“Heeeyyyy Catraaaa.” Adora drawled using Catra’s own signature tone. Goddamnit. Catra felt her face flush. 

“Hey Adora.” She grinned back, a little sheepishly. 

“Well… Welcome to our car.” Adora started to get a silly look, and honestly, it was way too fucking cute. Catra could have rolled her eyes - swear, she would have - but it was just too much effort and this was already a lot to process. Like, _A LOT._

“As you can see by the gashes in the ceiling it’s a vintage edition,” Adora continued.Okay, she was actually really funny like this. 

“You made have noticed the crumbling foam in the seat adjacent to yours - that was my finest work as a fifth grader actually. I excavated all that with -” she wiggled her fingers and whispered dramatically “-my bare hands.” laughter ripped out of Catra’s throat. “Oh yeah?” 

“Yes, Razz can attest. ” Razz grumbled darkly while taking an aggressive right. The woman was NOT afraid of the gas pedal, that was for sure. 

“And as you can see, the leather has also seen better days - I blame Mara for that one and take no responsibility. Sure, it may have been my milkshake but it was all Mara’s fault, I swear.” 

As they drove, Catra felt increasingly comfortable as Adora continued on with the tour of the car. It was helpful, it made it pass the time and took the focus off of her. So often she felt like she had to perform in front of other people’s families, but here, it felt like it was just her and Adora - Razz seemed totally absorbed in humming and driving. They bantered a bit as Razz ran another quick errand to pick up some specialty flour in a hippy-looking store, and when she came out she ordered Adora into the front seat to drive, “And you dearie, go into the passenger place,” she commanded Catra. Adora perked up and Catra obeyed instantly - sure as shit she wasn’t going to cross this ancient lady boss. 

“Do you drive a lot?” Adora was starting the car and checking the back mirror multiple times.

“Umm...sorta? Not really. I just got my license but -” 

“ - The baby needs practice!” Razz barked from the backseat and laughed sharply when Adora shot a nasty glare at her. 

“Just kidding dearie,” she whispered in a shifter tone, “you’re great.” Catra did not miss the wink that Razz threw her way as Adora nervously waited to turn.

_I like this woman_

It was...nice. So nice. Adora was a pretty good driver, a bit skittish, but of course she would be. Watching her hands on the steering wheel did a few things to Catra’s stomach again, and sitting up here with Adora was a perfect excuse to watch her closely. She could tell Adora was aware of it from the blush spreading across her face. After a bit of quiet in which Razz fell into a little cat nap, Catra cleared her throat. 

“So, where are we going?” She suddenly was feeling shy, it felt like this was a really big deal. They weren’t in public any more, they were driving to her _house_ . There wasn’t really any base line they had to work with in terms of one- on-one time. Not wading into the shallow end with a lunch hang out, or a _friendly_ group hang. Nope, it was straight up going home with this girl. Totes, chill. 

“Oh, uh, weren’t gonna go down Telegraph and then start taking Salt road? Towards the lake. It’s like, 20 minutes from here.” Adora nodded seriously, as she watched the traffic like a hawk. What a dork, there were 2 cars at this massive intersection. 

When she wasn’t laser focussed on a green light, Adora had such a sweet and excited presence and was really talkative - more talkative than Catra had ever seen her actually. Driving seemed to put her at ease strangely, and Catra felt increasingly relaxed. Adora was cool. Dorky and cool. _Maybe we aren’t so polar opposite?_ Maybe thinking about us as opposites is the ultimate mistake here - we’re both just humans, humans in the world. In a very separated world, but it didn’t feel like Adora thought of them as opposites at all. No, she was treating Catra like a friend, not like a social anomaly in her life. 

She thought of Double - _so many rings, oy_ \- and how they would go on very long rants about non-binary existence … like, _beyond_ gender and into thought patterns. “ _If all we think about is either or, we’re missing out on all the complicated nuances of life” -_ leave it to Double to use excessively complicated sentence structures - “ _and we miss out on the whole landscape because we think it’s just two opposing cities in this world, but actually...there is a whole planet of existence...NON-BINARY EXISTENCE”_ and blah blah blah Catra got lost at the cities part and tuned out, especially when they went on a tangent about Dahli architecture and painting. Catra felt better when she looked over at Rogellio and Scorpia, both of whom had glazed over and far off dreamy looks in their eyes. It was fucking hard to follow what Double was saying, but Catra agreed with the underlying message. Binary thinking really did limit her outlook, but it was so hard to not do it!

Conditioning is hard to break - she always felt like she was the opposite of ‘good’ but had to remind herself that according to Double’s logic - and the logic that she _herself_ was trying to accept, there wasn’t ‘good’ or ‘bad’...just a wide array of possibilities. But tell that so seasonal depression. Arg. 

Anyways, Adora. 

“Oh I love that store!” She was pointing at a...a fabric store? Yeah. Catra loved fabric stores. 

“What are you like, eighty years old Princess?” Adora scoffed. 

“At heart, yes. I knew you would judge me.” 

“Glad you have the right expectations then.” 

“You’ve given me plenty of material.”

Catra lazily touched her shoulder, watching Adora blush. 

They scooted right along and Adora pointed out more stores and parks she liked. It was fun making fun of her, but they also had some similar tastes - specific clothing stores, groceries, one of those weirdass everything stores - shit, they both even liked the _hardware_ store! 

“Once I got a mini tool box for Lonnie - we were like 14!” Catra couldn’t stop herself from gushing - she really fucking loved the hardware store and Adora was super here for it. She did register that Adora flinched a bit at Lonnie’s name... _oh right...Lonnie sorta cussed her out._ Adora recovered.

“That’s so cool! Lonnie would be such a little builder dyke.” Catra laughed loudly. 

“Hey, don’t be homophobic!” Adora froze immediately - 

“Oh my god I’m so sorry!” 

“Ahhh dude I’m kidding,” Catra doubled over in laughter and watched Adora’s relief turn to irritation. 

“She is, but honestly Adora,” Catra said quietly, “ also...she loves weaving.” Adora instantly started to laugh. _Shit! Lonnie’s secret!_

“Please don’t make fun of her for it, she gets really embarrassed.” 

“Pshhh I would never! I loved making friendship bracelets. Nothing to be ashamed of.” 

“No you don’t understand this like, she has a _loom_ in her room.” Fuck, it was something that would never cease to make Catra laugh - the sight of Lonnie in all her badassery leaned over the frames of a big-ass loom, focussed on a bunch of tiny threads deftly pushing pedals. It took up about a third of her room too. Also it was astounding because Lonnie was _really_ fucking good. Her grandma taught her and she took to it naturally.

“Yeah, she actually has won ribbons and prizes at County fairs.” Catra added, this time with a swell of pride. 

“What! That’s awesome.” Adora was quiet. “Have you tried it?” 

“Me? Yeah, duh, Lonnie tried to teach me but it was a disaster. Now she just makes me sit on the floor with a hand loom and dick around with that while she works on the bigger one. Although between me and you, I’m more of a crocheter.” _Fuck WHY am I telling her this!?_ Honestly Catra thought it was cool but really, what was Adora gonna think of this.

“Here I was thinking you were the unapproachable badass, and now I know you can’t weave for shit.” She tutted, shaking her head. Catra whacked her softly on the arm.

Stores and businesses passed by until they were in more residential neighborhoods - suburban homes transitioned into fancier houses. 

Adora chatted about her family as she kept driving, now heading into a neighborhood with large swaths of trees. Catra learned that Razz had taken custody of Adora and her older sister Mara after their mother - who seemed to be leading a very fast and edgy life - passed away. Mara was fourteen and Adora was two at the time, although Mara had really been her primary caregiver since Adora was born, even when mom was alive. They wound up with Razz, who was sort of like...Adora’s paternal grandmother? Razz hadn’t been allowed to meet the girls previously - their mom was a bit paranoid about extended family, rightfully so it seemed. Mara and Adora had different dads, both of whom seemed like dubious characters. Catra could unfortunately relate. Adora’s dad had lived with Razz for a short stint in a group home where Razz took guardianship until he turned eighteen. After that, he all but fell off the map despite her efforts to connect with him. It sounded like a complicated and very tumultuous family situation which somehow landed Mara and Adora with this blissful and warm little woman instead of foster care or other distant relatives in far off cities. So Razz got two fantastic and a bit traumatized children and they got a creative, wacky, nurturing parental figure. In a strange horrible way, it was a win-win. 

From what Catra gathered, Mara was a bit of a local prodigy in music and sports and left a mark on Etheria high. _Hmmm_ no wonder Adora seemed to put so much pressure on herself - _seems like a hereditary thing perhaps_?

Adora recounted how a year ago Mara returned in a bit of a crash landing at Razz’s house. She had been living in the metropolis of Brightmoon when she sort of...broke. As Adora helped her move boxes, Mara said that she was “exhausted” and “heartbroken”, which Adora confirmed with the dark circles under her eyes, listening Mara weep when she thought no one could hear, and prescriptions of antidepressants and natural immune boosters that populated the house. 

“She really has been getting better...it was crazy to see her so burnt out and weak a year ago. She’s definitely regaining her strength and like, essentially nursed back to health with Razz’s cooking. But she still has a lot of healing to do. Her nervous system I think?” Catra nodded stoically. It seemed like being a Type-A 200% of the time had run poor Mara into the ground. Thank god she had a place to recover.

Catra listened along, intrigued and grateful to be hearing Adora’s life. It sounded really fucking intense for everyone, and she felt particularly heartachey for Mara. Was that weird? They hadn’t even met yet, _but here I am, feeling all gushy for her._ There was something about the turn of events that seemed on the brink of another tragedy, but saved at the last second. There was a teenage Mara trying to handle every goddamn thing and practically raise Adora. With a pang of sadness Catra recognized it - Mara was trying to do it all alone. Surrounded by praise and achievement and still feeling like a loner and breaking inside. Jesus.

Either way, Adora shared something important - really vulnerable - and it meant a lot to Catra. She felt lucky. 

“Thanksfor sharing that.” She looked over earnestly and watched Adora smile.

“Thanks for listening...you’re a good listener.” There was a long pause of comfortable silence. No one had ever said that before. Was that a thing? Being good at listening? 

“Sooo...you live by the lake?” The roads were getting a bit bumpier and the scenery was changing from urban, suburban, to the forestry area of the local lake.

“Uh, yeah.” 

“Hm, I pegged you as the fancy type Gray, this all makes sense.” The Lake houses were massive beautiful things, and many of them were second homes. Catra recoiled a bit inside - it felt like yet another piece of evidence that she and Adora were on opposite sides of things - the social hierarchy and now socioeconomic structures. _Dammit! No more opposites!_

Catra’s house wasn't in shambles but it was nowhere near the decadence of the lake. 

“Hah! Oh, you’ll see.” Adora said as they drove towards the road that skirted the lake and ran into driveways. _Jeez, no need to gloat about it. I’m trying to fucking unlearn this shit._ They kept driving past mansions and docks towards the far end where the houses looked a bit older - still stately- but not as extravagant and opulent. Catra was feeling increasingly uncomfortable, this was so out of her comfort zone and she really didn’t know how to act in these settings - it just felt hard to relax with so many reminders surrounding her. _Okay, chill._ It’s just Adora. She looked over and felt slightly more at ease. Slightly. 

Adora turned down a pebbly narrow road lined with pine trees and covered in dropped needles. They took a few turns and Catra saw the shore of the water through wild green brambles, and then they broke through the underbrush and the sparkling lake was before them. 

“We’re here!” Adora parked the car on a little pathetic piece of crumbing asphalt. Trees towered high above them, wind whistling through branches. To their right was a massive, regal old house right on the shore with a small white dock extended outwards. Was that a mini yacht? _Yup, a fucking tiny yatch speed boat._ Catra could feel the rising panic in her chest. Were those pillars?! There were fucking pillars lining the sides, holding the second story balcony up as it wrapped around the house. Expansive windows opened up from all directions. J _esus!! What the hell!_

“Whoa...that is a big house.” Catra murmured, trying to sound casual. 

“Hah! Yes it is,” Adora laughed, “But it’s not mine!” Catra looked around to where Adora was pointing and saw what could only be described as a cottage which was probably...a hundred fucking years old. Oh. That’s better. It was so...cute!

It was short and squat and much smaller than Catra’s house. The roof was made up of old wooden shingles covered in moss and lichen, and the sides of the house were built from massive planks of thick wood that could have been a century old. The sides had taken a beating over the years but clearly stood up to time’s wear and tear.

“Whoa..” Catra said softly. It was beautiful. Everything about it seemed so idyllic, even if the gutter was clearly detaching from the roof and the little dock that extended into the lake looked rickety as fuck and definely rotting in some places. 

“It looks really nice Adora,” She said truthfully. Adora rolled her eyes,

“Shut up,” 

“No, I’m serious! I really like it!” Catra said earnestly. 

Adora laughed “Well, wait till you come inside!” 

Soon most of the groceries were out of the car as Razz hummed along. 

“Hey there!” A smooth voice rang out, and as Catra turned she saw what could only be described as a _goddess_ emerging from the front door. A goddess who perhaps was recovering from a major depressive episode and had just woken up, but a goddess nonetheless. _God this family has some good genes._ Mara was bundled in a bathrobe, her hair hung in a thick braid over her shoulders. Despite the bags under her deep brown eyes, her face gave off a warm glow. Catra had already assumed that Adora’s entire family was white, so setting eyes on Mara, whose skin was a bit darker than Catra’s, came as a surprising wave of relief. She felt tension of this whole experience unclench a bit more knowing that she wasn’t the only person of color in the vicinity, something she didn’t know would be calming until now.

“Ah! Mara! Catra dear, meet my other baby - _Mara_.” She said with an enormous smile as she grasped Mara’s wrist and stepped her forward. “Ah,” Mara said bemused, “So we’re babies again.” Adora snorted in agreement, then seemed to stiffen and blush.

“Uh...Mara...this is my friend from school,” her voice sounded extremely strained and uncertain, and she was making eye contact with her sister in such an peculiar way.

“... _Catra_ . We ran into each other at the market and Razz invited her home.” Adora finished carefully in an almost pained expression. Mara’s eyes sparked as she looked at Adora triumphantly and then peered down at Catra with such a warm and excited expression that it melted Catras heart on the spot. _Shit, what the hell is up with this family_ ? It’s like Scorpia’s moms, but not fanatic lesbians. Just a weird old lady and a _very_ hot older sister - _BRAIN, STOP._

“Catra, hello.” she said with an extended hand. It was warm and calming to the touch. _Damnit and they all have good skin!?_ Catra stared up at her, a bit dumbstruck and finally managed “hello, nice to meet you,” held in the playfull knowing gaze of this beautiful woman. 

“Come now children, to the kitchen!” Razz abruptly broke Catra’s daze and she looked around, Adora watching her with an embarrassed expression on her face.

“Adora, show Catra in!” Mara scolded

“Right, yeah okay - come on.” she said weakly and they both grabbed bags and headed in. 

Adora was right - the inside of her house _was_ even better. The moment Catra stepped across the threshold she was hit by the smell of - what? Spices, sweetness, something citrusy and the scent of old wood. The room she was in was crammed floor to ceiling with photos and the wall hung with instruments of different sizes. There was even a harp in the corner! Glowing like a goddamn holy grail! The room felt like a cocoon, a safe haven, the surfaces all seemed soft and comfortable like a nursery for babies but...decorated for adults. _Adult babies perhaps? This baby thing is getting to me._ The full palette of color was represented within the space, all rich deep hues. Lamps and chandeliers glinted and plush chairs lined the center of the room where a little TV sat in front of a brick fireplace. The fading pink floral wall paper was peeling in some spots. Catra looked around in wonder. It all felt so comfy.

“So, this is the living room. Not much I know -” Adora sounded self conscious, “ but yeah, here is my life in photos and a million instruments.” Catra turned in a daze, _shit, this felt like a fairytale!_ A real live fairy tale! a small voice in her head suggested that Catra didn’t belong but it was overpowered by curiosity. Ah, what a nice change. _Suck it self critic._

“Adora, this is amazing.” She was serious. This room literally made her want to curl up and take a nap on every single available surface. Yes, even the coffee table looked comfortable to lie on. 

“I really like it. Your house is beautiful and feels so, so...safe.” She wasn’t expecting the last word to come out of her mouth, it revealed a lot more about her own life than she meant to. _Be chill!_ Adora stared back warmly, suddenly feeling more secure. Mara was passing by and nodded in agreement, clearly able to relate after what Catra just heard about her. 

“I’m glad. I thought you were going to have a field day talking about how much of a hoarder Razz is... and what tiny this place is.” 

“What? No!” Catra balked. She felt guilty that Adora had mentally prepped for that response. Catra _did_ have a bite to her. She would need to do something to shift Adora’s idea of that, beacause, fuck she didn’t want Adora to tip-toe around her out of fear! Yeah, at school she had a big attitude, but that was just to get by, but outside of class with Adora? She wanted to be nice and make her feel at ease. And have fun! She didn’t want to bite. 

“Adora, no. I love it. Your house is super sweet.” Adora blushed. _There we go._

“Uhh… I can show you around?” they followed Razz into the kitchen and made a few more trips out. The dining room was tiny, crowded with more photos and family mementos and what could only be Razz’s collection of rare antiques - unless Mara or Adora collected antiques? They looked old as hell. Catra had no clue if they were rare - it just seemed appropriate to assume. The kitchen was a bit more spacious with a classic checkered floor and yellow tiled counters. There were big battered cupboards that were probably as old as the house. It felt like a well loved and used room. Every surface radiated warmth. 

While Catra pondered the woodwork, Mara yelled at Adora to give Catra the outside tour.

“Come on!” she grabbed Catra’s wrist... _oh shit that felt nice_ ….

Adora turned - the sun from the window hit her face and her eyes were suddenly sparkling. Catra’s heart lurched. God, she was pretty. So pretty. _I’m in her house. AGGGHHHH_. Catra was too excited to panic like she wanted too.

“Lets go!” Adora tugged her forward, body now a silhouette in the open door frame. Catra smiled and let herself be pulled down the few steps to the ground. 

“Come meet my childhood friends!” Oh shit. WHOA liiiiittle early. The panic set in. This was already a lot and Catra didn’t have a stellar history with Adora’s friends as it was.

“What! Wait I’m not ready!” but Adora was now bounding towards that big house. _Nooooo this was gonna be a disaster. Farewell good times!_ Catra thought they were about to leap on the porch of the mansions, but Adora ground to a halt midway there and pointed down.

 _Oh_. 

Frogs. 

Fucking frogs.

“See!? They’re so cute!!” Adora was squatting and pointing, a little bit of mud on her hands now. 

Frog were her childhood friends. 

“Hah! Adora oh my god,” Catra laughed. “You're so cute!” Adora was blushing now, “such a weirdo.” Catra mumbled, bright red and trying to walk the compliment back. 

“Yeah.” Adora looked up, directly into Catra’s eyes “ I’m a _cute_ weirdo.” Catra was speechless. _Damn when did she get flirty again?_ Adora smirked as Catra squatted and tried to pretend nothing happened. The flirting was only cool if she did it intentionally. Brain! Why? Adora showed her how to put her hands in the water and gently move (well, _harass_ ) the frogs so they shot around in the pond. A few hopped away. They were beautiful. Catra soon forgot the very cute humiliation and was laughing with Adora, shrieking when one popped her way and fell backwards, sprawled out in giggles. Adora looked delighted, grinning down at her. 

Catra felt comfortable now, and Adora seemed really happy, such a shift from their loaded interactions at school, always rushing against the clock. God, she was so cute, and seeing her from this angle really did a number on Catra’s heart rate. _Again with that golden halo!_ Adora’s eyes were still gleaming with a full smile, reminding her of that night at the party with Adora staring down at her in wonder as time slowed down. The laughter had died out and Catra realized that - _gulp_ \- they were just _there_ , Catra laying down and Adora watching her, quiet smiles on their face with the sound of the wind above them. It was that funny feeling of time slowing, only her face in focus, beautiful and crisp and full of light. Something was definitely stirring in Catra’s chest, especially as Adora reached down and brushed something out of her hair absentmindedly. Those hands again, she could feel Adora’s rough finger pads against the side of her face. _Oh my god, is this happening, is she about to kiss me?!_ Catra tried to prepare herself but realized in a moment of horror that, _oh shit, am I even a good kisser?!_ She had no idea. _How the fuck to you know when you haven’t had many kisses in your life?! And I’m about to kiss the most kissed person of all times!! SSHITT!_ She would have paid for practice if she knew this was coming.

Adora seemed to have her own moment of shock and yanked her hand away as she turned red.

“Oh, uh, do you need help up?” Catra just nodded stupidly as time returned to it’s normal pace and Adora pulled her up. Adora tried to brush the dirt and mud off Catra’s back and definitely spent more time than needed. 

She named some of the frogs and then tugged at Catra again, “come on - lemme show you my favorite tree.” Catra tried - she really did - to scoff and roll her eyes but she was too damn excited to see this tree as they rounded the house.

Because honestly, this was turning into an amazing day. She wouldn’t admit it easily, but she always fantasized about taking long hikes and running off into the wilderness to leave the world behind. Catra drank it in. The smells were such a nice change from the city, the air felt fresh and the water was sparkling, inviting. Adora babbled like an excited kid. Catra was feeling more and more like her innocent child self, in awe of the world around her. Adora seemed to thrive here and Catra imagined her as a little toddler bumbling around in the woods, playing with mud and leaves and frogs. She could see it in the exuberance inside of this star athlete looming before her, chatting and babbling and introducing Catra to all her favorite places. A soft breeze rustled some of the leaves down to the ground and Catra inhaled the scent of the forest. Adora was animatedly talking about pine tree growth or some cute shit like that and was literally _hugging_ a tree, like, Scorpia style. Dork. Catra wanted to freeze this moment in her mind. She wanted Adora to put her arms around _her,_ to press her close and nuzzle her head, but that isn’t something you could force. Catra found herself annoyed and glowered at the tree. _Am I jealous of that tree?_

_Fuck yeah I am._

“Want to take a peek?” 

_Oh shit, what?_

“Huh?” 

“I said do you want to see the bird’s nest?” Adora laughed while montioning into the little notch in the tree they stood in front of. It was just out of eyesight for Catra, even on her tippy toes, but Adora could see it easily. She laughed as she watched Catra struggle to reach, then jump, try to scale the tree.

“Fuck off Adora.” Catra huffed. It was only mildly irritating but Adora’s giggle was worth it, and honestly she probably looked hilarious. She definitely spent a little more time than necessary trying to climb just to keep Adora laughing.

“Here, get on my back.” Adora said, unable to hide her blush. Ohhhhh shit ooohh yesss! Catra walked behind Adora and suddenly froze. How do you do this? When your super hot strong crush invites you to _mount_ on their back are you supposed to just... _mount_ them? WHY am I using the word _mount_ all the sudden? _Mount mount mount._ Catra, get it together! 

“Come on! Just jump,” Adora was egging her on. 

“O - okay. ” Catra grabbed Adora’s shoulders while she knelt and gingerly hopped on, wrapping her knees around Adora’s waist from behind, feeling her hands slip into the crook back of her legs. The view was wonderful from up here. Only a few inches higher but a thousand times more exciting. Catra let her arms dangle around Adora’s shoulder and lowered her face much closer to the back of Adora’s head . 

“See it?'' The nest was cute, there were two eggs, yadadadda. Okay, the baby bird was adorable and fluffy. The real treat was getting to be with Adora, because DUH! Catra liked being on top. The feeling of being pressed against her back, the warmth, her smell. She was holding Catra with such ease, and all Catra wanted to do was run her hands over her neck and shoulders and chest from behind. She didn’t do it. It would be a little too forward right? Yes. No boob touching. Catra blazed at the thought. _That_ was something she _prayed_ she would get to experience at some point in her life. 

But she _did_ take a moment to rub her hands absentmindedly on Adora’s right shoulder while she wrapped her left arm lazily around Adora’s neck. She inhaled and could smell Adora’s shampoo, her body, the scent of her house. Fuck Catra was ready to burry her nose in Adora’s hair and never return. She could feel Adora’s whole body stiffen and relax underneath her as Adora’s muscles shifted through the fabric of her clothing. Catra breathed lightly on her neck, testing the waters. _Does she know I’m doing this on purpose?_ Catra would have felt a little high from the power if she wasn’t internally melting into a puddle of lesbian lust. They stayed like that for a while, pretending to observe the nest and feel the sensation of being pressed together. It struck Catra that the only thing stopping them from passionately making out was their own caution and embarrassment. _Does Adora even want to do that though?_ Who was to say that she couldn’t reach her hand up and tuck the strand of hair behind adora’s ear, run her fingers down her cheek, maybe turn her head to the side and kiss her ear softly ... _WHO WOULD BE HERE TO JUDGE?!_

Only that fluffy little innocent bird bound to that nest, a wordless audience to their love, that’s who. _Hah_. The bird looked gay as fuck too, so Catra decided it wouldn’t be a big deal. 

“Do you want to get down?” Adora said hesitantly. 

“Uh...nooo” Catra murmured, her heart was beating like a kickdrum,

“I want you to carry me over there.” She pointed to the little dock. 

“Okay!” Adora trotted over a bit too exuberantly to still be incontact while Catra smiled to herself. She could feel Adora’s muscles moving beneath her. She wrapped both arms around Adora’s neck and rested her chin very casually on her shoulder and she felt adora’s own excitement alongside hers. God, this was nice. She squeezed her legs tighter and felt Adora’s hands grip her legs ever so slightly, a caress even? _Hell yeah._ It was really beautiful. _Damn I’ve never done this_ . Is this what straight people get to do from middle school onwards? Catra remembered being in 7th grade and _seriously_ pining for that type of contact - literally glaring at all the stupid girls (stupid cute girls) and dumbass boys getting to flirt with eachother and take any excuse to touch. Fuck, the shame was so real! Sure it was painfully awkward to watch, and both she and Lonnie rolled their eyes, but there was really no denying that they both wanted to be a part of the fun. And _not_ with the dumbass boys.

So here she was, 4 years later, finally - FINALLY - getting what she had prayed for. Better late than never right? 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes, oh my god. Catra. I’m holding _Catra._ Adora felt giddy all over again. What had she done to deserve this day? It was a fantasy come to life. Catra was so cool. She was so cute. She was so fun. She was so fine. She was so _everything!_ Adora could feel herself drooling when she got to touch the back of Catra’s leg, and she didn’t even _care_ how creepy it was. 

Adora was always angry when Razz called her a baby - it was super humiliating and annoying...especially in front of friends and _especially_ in front of a crush! But my god, was Adora thanking her lucky stars for Razz today, for everything. Calling her “a baby” seemed to be the perfect icebreaker and first way of making Catra feel comfortable - it was just enough ground to tease her on and get the conversation flowing. Because surprisingly, Catra was a little shy. I know, right? Catra - _shy?_ It was so super cute when she was flabbergasted. And Adora wanted her to feel comfortable enough to actually talk, and it seemed to be working. Having her at the house felt spectacular, she was genuinely sweet and enthusiastic about everything Adora was showing her, and it made _Adora_ feel like she was a kid again, brimming with excitement to have a friend here. She really didn’t have too many friends to play with when she was young. A combination of factors - Mara consumed with school, Razz suddenly parenting them while balancing her work duties before she retired, and the fact that they lived in an area that was hard to set up playdates. So most of her free days and evenings after school were spent romping around the nature near her house. Of course, Adora snuck off when she was a bit older and got into all sorts of muddy situations alone which was great, but it would have been so much better with a friend. Once she started playing sports her little adventures became less frequent and more friendships filled her life, but usually away from her house and the land that she explored by herself. So this was awesome, to say the least.

Adora stopped right before the dock. It did seem a little risky to just piggyback on the sunstable and half rotting walkway, so they stood silently for a moment looking at the water, heartbeats thumping away. Catra stroked Adora’s shoulder with her thumb ever so slightly and Adora shivered with pleasure. _Please do that all day._

“Do you want to go to the water.” Adora murmured. They couldn’t stay like this forever. 

“Yeah.”

Adora let Catra slide off her back slowly and they walked to the end of the dock where there was a little pedal boat tied up. They sat side by side and dangled their legs in the cool lake, enjoying the sensations of sun and water on bare skin. Adora talked more about frogs and Catra laughed at her good naturedly. _I love it when you laugh_ . There was a natural pause in the conversation that began to stretch out for a bit longer - well, now is as good a time as ever. _Let's do it Gray._

“So, uh,” Adora splashed nervously in the water, watching a little fish swimming towards her toe. “Do you still want to...talk?” 

She could practically feel Catra’s stomach drop. It's not that she didn’t anticipate this coming up but it still sort of shocked her. They had been having such a nice time, why ruin it? She knew that getting it out of the way would just be a relief. 

“Yeah.” 

Adora let out a big sigh. “Well…” She faltered, clearly not knowing how to start. 

“That was a really intense night.” Catra surprised them both by starting. _To say the least, god._

“Yeah, yeah it was.” Adora released a deep breath. “Um, how are you?”

“Well..” Catra was thinking. “I was really hurt. And upset. And shocked by what happened. I still kinda am, but it doesn’t feel as strong. I also was really confused and just emotional from the week, and before I knew what was going on, your friend…” Adora winced thinking about Glimmer “..was somehow shouting me down.” Catra took a breath. She was shaky, but recounting the events like a report seemed to be helping them both. Adora just held her breath. It seems like they were just going to plunge in. 

“I didn’t understand why she was doing that until - um, until Scorpia talked me down.” Adora was blushing - did Catra actually know? That Glimmer was being protective because Adora had a MASSIVE infatuation with Catra? Adora just stared at the little fish, her ears burning. 

Catra seemed to ignore any mention of the crush, continuing. 

“Glimmer said some things that really stung - they _really_ hurt actually, and it seemed like they had to do with, um, you. How you felt about me? Or how I was treating you or something.” _GAAAHHH fuck._ Catra sounded a little trembly. 

“So, uh, I guess I’m wondering if you...think those things about me.” Catra sounded like she was shrinking, “ and, um, what I did to deserve that.” 

_Wait what!? Deserved?_

Adora jerked her leg involuntarily and stiffened at the last part. She was pretty nervous when she looked at Catra 

“You didn’t do anything to deserve that Catra. No one could. You didn’t.” She took a deep breath and was sure that her expression was softening. Catra looked small, definitely trying to save face.

“She was being really...fucked up. Protective of me...but really out of line. Catra I…” Adora could feel some tears - goddamnit. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Those words must have hurt so much. It’s not how I feel about you - at, at all. I can’t believe it all happened, and I’m so sorry.” There was a beat of silence. then 

“Why?” Catra said in a small voice. “But why did it even happen? She said you said I was a tease...so why did it all happen?” 

_Hmm_ . Adora took a deep breath. “Okay...so, I never said you were a - a tease. I did get jealous though. And I told Bow and Glimmer.” _All cards out Adora._

Catra was watching her intently. “Jealous?” 

“Um...yeah, jealous.” _Ugh here we go_.

“Okay, please don’t think I’m super creepy- well, actually you have every right to - and also...I’m gonna tell you something and you don’t need to reply or reciprocate if you’re not comfortable,” Catra straightened up, ready. 

“Catra, I uh...I actually think that I have a...” She was looking across the water fidgeting and blushing, “ I have a crush on you.” She said with a stricken expression. “Like a really big one. I don’t get them often so...it feels like a big deal.” Bow had helped her with this part, told her that being honest about her feelings was really important and talking around them would just add more miscommunication. 

“I had a crush on you and when I walked into the party I saw you with that guy Devon, and I got, um, upset. And your business is your business, but I got upset, and then I saw you and I thought you were like, taunting me.” _M’kay, deep breath._

“Because I don’t know if I’m reading signals right, but I was thinking that because of how we are in class that, um, you flirt with me? But I don’t really understand flirting so I wasn’t sure,” Adora was sort of rushing things out now. 

“ So anyways, I thought you were like, playing with me because you sorta...have done that before? But this time I thought you were hooking up with a guy and I got jealous and then you smiled at me and I drew a stupid conclusion...then I wanted to find you but you disappeared. So I looked for you and then,” She turned to Catra now, her face beet red, and took a shuddering sigh “ Okay, I’m _really, really_ sorry that I did this and it’s gonna sound super creepy but, I was looking for you and saw you with your friends and … um, Huntara, and you were like,” Adora struggled internally for a moment “And then it looked like you were about to kiss and Glimmer dragged us away. Glimmer gets more aggressive when she get’s drunk so she instantly got upset with you.” 

“But I didn’t kiss Huntara.” Catra couldn’t stop herself from saying in her own defense.

“Yeah, I know, I know, she told me.” Adora felt guilty all over again. 

“She told me after you left and she was really excited about Lonnie or something. But I thought you kissed. At first I thought that maybe you weren’t into girls and just wanted to mess with me, but then when I saw Huntara it got to me in a different way - that maybe you liked girls for _real_ but...not me? And also, Huntara is like...sorta a jerk.” Adora had to catch her breath. 

_WOW_ , this was probably so much more than Catra expected - it was like, really in depth. She just sat and took it in, trying to give Adora the space to speak. 

“So, yeah. People have always compared us and I just sorta have an insecurity complex with her. But then when I fell on you,” Adora blushed harder.

“I um, thought maybe you might actually uh, have been, like into it? Maybe like...into me…?” She scratched her neck awkwardly and shifted her glance towards Catra. Okay this was definitely departing from the practice sessions. They locked eyes and Adora seemed to completely lose her train of thought. Catra sat with rapt attention and was listening carefully, her eyes illuminated by the sunlight streaming through the high trees. 

“I was.” Catra said flattly. 

“What?” Adora took a moment to come back to reality and integrate the information. A nervous smile broke across her face and it grew into a full fledged grin as she kicked her legs in the water absentmindedly. 

“Oh. heh. Okay.” She suddenly felt very, very shy and could only stare at the water. 

“So..that happened, and, um. I felt a bit better and just wanted to talk with you. But then...Glimmer pulled us out and then, well, she kinda went crazy on you because she was so….misguided. And also protective of me. And then just took it all out on you. I’m just so...so fucking sorry Catra.” 

Another lull of silence. 

“When Scorpia said that you liked me back...” Catra looked tense again. 

“Well, she said that you kinda did…? And then Lonnie said that _you_ had no idea about my crush and it all kinda...came together in my head and how bad this was. I’m so sorry Catra. I really just wanted to talk with you and maybe like -” _kiss?? Cuddle? To early_ “ - hang out, but then Glimmer made sure that didn’t happen. And Lonnie said you would never try to mess with me on purpose. So... I don’t think you’re a tease or anything like that. I just want you to know. And I know that this doesn’t fix everything and you don’t even need to respond if you don’t feel like it, or even forgive me, but yeah...thats, that's it.” She finished in a small voice and just stared at the water. _Gaaahhh._

 _Say something Catra._ Adora was starting to feel sick. _Don’t push her._

“Thanks. Thanks for saying that Adora.” Adora nodded silently. “Just give me a second to think? I want to respond.” 

_Phew_.

\-----------

Wow. This was…. Alot. 

Way more than Catra ever could have expected. Did she like it? Eh...no. 

But also, she had never done something quite like this, and Adora’s style was definitely much more in depth than Catra’s preferences. Sorta like Scorpia. _Too_ much. But, if this thing with Adora had any chance of going anywhere, best do it right? Maybe this is actually how you are _supposed_ to do these kinds of things. She really didn’t have good models for it. Catra thanked Scorpia silently for forcing her to rehearse a conversation like this. 

They sat in silence for a bit, Adora increasingly nervous while Catra let herself drift a bit. So thats what happened, huh. Catra was embarrassed and surprised that Adora had seen both the thing with Derek, and especially with Huntara. She had wanted Huntara to kiss her - did that make her a tease? Or a slut? _No, no, Lonnie went over this already!_ And ugh! Adora knew about her crush! Of course she did but also _that wasn’t supposed to happen!_ Catra reminded herself that it had ultimately served her well that Adora knew. Deep breath.

“Thanks, Adora.” She said again hesitantly. “Thanks for telling me your side of this thing. I don’t really totally see what you have to apologize for - it’s mostly Glimmer and if she hadn’t gotten involved everything would have been fine - but thank you for just acknowledging the words she said. I’m really glad you don’t think of me that way...even if, I dunno, I sorta feel like that based on what I did?” She scrunched her knees to her chest while she flushed and let out a big sigh. “Okay, so, I’m gonna try to explain. I really don’t know how to do this kind of things so...bare with me?” 

“You don’t owe me an explanation -”

“ - but I want to. First off...I just want to say that if I knew that you...uh...liked me back, I never would have done those things, okay? I’ve had this crush on you for a while but wasn’t honest with myself, and I was totally convinced that there was no way in hell you would have a crush on me -” 

“WHAT?! Are you nuts!” Adora blurted out.

Catra laughed and went on “Uh yeah...I’m kinda like, a weirdo Adora. If I had known you would be there I wouldn’t have done those either...I mean I probably would have been looking at you the whole time anyways.” Adora was beet red and trying to hide a smile while staring down a tiny fish.

“So, the week was so shitty and I just wanted to like, I dunno, have a new experience and just _feel_ something, and I thought that maybe kissing someone new -” Adora blushed again- “ would be cool. I’ve never kissed a guy and I just had this urge to like… do something with someone sort of unimportant. It just seemed so easy.” _GOD this sounds so fucked up._

 _“_ So I just went for it. It sucked. I guess I actually haven’t really had a _real_ feeling kiss in my life…” _Ugh Adora must be judging so hard. Seventeen and never had a real kiss? Jeez._ “I don’t like dudes like that.” She stopped and thought - “ well, maybe if their a very certain type of queer? I dunno - it really doesn't matter. I didn’t care about him and then I saw you...I couldn’t imagine why you looked so angry and just decided you weren’t looking at me and then you disappeared. I wanted to try to find you but I talked myself out of it. Anyways, then we saw Huntara.” Catra was feeling uncomfortable now, how was Adora going to react? _Is this a deal breaker? Damn...better to come clean now, right?_

“And honestly I think she’s pretty annoying and definitely not my type but, I was drunk and Adora, I did kinda want to have a gay kiss that night and thought that it might happen with her.” 

She could feel Adora tensing up and trying to hide it. “But it didn’t happen - and I’m _really_ glad it didn’t. I really don’t find her attractive beyond, well, ya know...” She could feel Adora relaxing a bit but wanted to address whatever doubt she was feeling, even though Adora already knew Catra liked her. _Maybe she doesn’t know how much?_

“ Look, if i had known you liked me back I never would have considered doing that with Huntara and obviously would have wanted it to have been you.” Catra blanched at her own forwarness. _Shit. shit shit shit. So many assumptions._

“REALLY?!” Adora perked right up. _Oh bless! Right thing to say._

“Don’t let it go to your head Princess.” _Hah, the irony! Who wouldn’t?_ Catra was laughing now. She mumbled. Both of them were feeling incredibly shy and awkward now, bodies thrumming with giddiness and excitement. _Holy shit. I actually just came clean._

 _“_ And I’m sorry you felt played with. I’m sorry how I’ve been treating you has made you feel confused or bad in any way, or toyed with. I don’t really know what I’m doing most of the time. So I think it sort of came out unintentionally as a way to get your attention without needing to be honest.”

“Why weren’t you?” Catra just rolled her eyes at that. 

“Uhh...probably for the same reasons you didn’t? I thought you weren't interested! I don't want to be creepy!” 

“Oh, well you should have!” 

“ _You_ should have!” 

“I didn’t KNOW!”

“Me either!!” They were both laughing now, relieved to be through the toughest part. 

Catra didn’t know what to say other than “ _Yeahhh…_ .” to which Adora replied “ _okay_ y...” And continued to kick water around and blush. Fuck if her heart ever stopped beating so fast, it would be a miracle. Catra caught Adora looking at her as the reflected sunlight danced across her face. Adora’s halo was out in full force, golden hair a glow, her eyes a bright blue. 

Catra didn’t know it, but Adora was looking at her like she was some sort of angel - she had her own halo, her curls gleaming browns and red, her irises picking up the rays of light in splinters of blue and gold, her brown skin and freckles glowing warmly in the light. 

“I’ve been really wanting to have this talk and then get to like, hang out with you, so I’m really glad. Thanks for letting my Grandma kidnap you.” Adora broke the silence and Catra smirked, looking up and catching her gaze. “Me too.” They stayed like that staring at each other. The relief was palpable, Catra felt like an unnoticed burden was just released. There was also rawness - she had never _ever_ told someone she had a crush on them, and it was terrifying. She was still embarrassed even though it was mutual. Catra knew all about sequestering her feelings in a corner of her mind and allowing sharp flirts or pranks to relieved the tension inside. Well, to be honest Adora was Catra’s first real, big time crush that made her want more, that made her feel brave enough to reach out and grab shoulders. Adora was just too irresistible. Yikes.

The two of them continued to sit and stare under the cloud of awkward desire. The vulnerability was fresh. This was obviously not the last conversation about this - there was still much to be said about their friend’s reactions and how to smooth things over.

Catra was suddenly aware of how Adora’s eyes were roaming over her face, focussing on her lips, then her eyes, back to her lips, her jaw somewhat clenched. Adora’s hand rested on the dock, her muscles twitching. _Holy shit I said that I want to kiss her. Does she want to?_ Catra realized with a rush of embarrassment. Adora’s foot suddenly brushed hers and it sent a shudder up her spine. She didn’t have long to think about it as the back door slammed open making them both jump, and Mara’s voice rang out. 

“Hey guys, lunch time!!!” 

\----------------

Ooof, the moment was lost. They both snapped out of it, mumbling and blushing, missing the connection. Catra hopped up and offered Adora a helping hand. When she took hold they both felt the warmth and excitement emanating from the place of contact. _Freakin’s Mara whyyyyy?!_ Adora was suddenly VERY close to Catra - my god - her freckles had grown exponentially cuter! There was another pause where time and purpose seemed to be suspended, just standing on the dock, holding hands at a strange angle.

“Getting cold!!” Mara’s muffled shout rang out. _Mara!_

“Oh, uh, we should go in.” Adora sputtered, holding on to Catra’s hand for a little longer as she turned. Like hell she wanted to keep holding it but it would be weird, right? Too much? Adora was so out of her element - like, what’s the protocol after you both say you like each other and Catra even wants to kiss her? _Dang it!_ Adora realized all over again that shit, she had no idea how to kiss someone except for in the movies! Adora released her hand in a rush.

“Uh yeah,” Catra nervously said. She looked so flustered. They breached the short distance to the house and met Mara in the kitchen where she had piled them a bowl of some rice and beans and a little plate of salad. Catra gawked at it. 

“Do you always have a hot lunch?” 

“Hah!” Mara laughed, “I always cook on Saturdays - nothing special. Razz and I are going to plan out some boring stuff - you guys should eat out the dock.” She said casually but it was incredibly obvious that she was winking at a very flustered Catra. _Mara ARGG!_

They perched on the edge of the dock while eating, the banter graciously returned to them and the awkwardness ebbed. Catra looked like she really liked the food and it made Adora happy. She wanted Catra to like - no _love -_ everything about her time here. Catra babbled about random things - crocheting, cats, Entrapa’s tattoo gun - in between bites. She had some fun hobbies too - the crocheting, just biking around town when she was bored, trying to teach herself how to ambidextrous. Catra loved nature but never really got out to it and was excited now that she knew how to get to the lake. _Visit me. Please._ God she was so cute when she was like this! Adora kept blushing every time she thought about the fact that Catra still liked her. Adora just nodded a long in agreement, all the while pretending that she was about to reach over and hold Catra’s jaw and place a kiss right on her soft lips. _Ahhh_.

They finished. Catra stated that even the bathroom of their house was cute and wouldn’t stop talking about it, which was a huge relief - it was a source of Adora’s insecurities as a host. It was like cluttered jungle of houseplants and the sink was literally Mara’s first attempt at doing a mosaic and it had a very...DIY feel to it. Catra was clearly in awe of this house - a relief because Adora always felt like it was a messy disaster - and it was apparent whenever she walked around. Her eyes were so much bigger here, like she was trying to drink in every tiny detail. Adora couldn’t help but smile - she looked like such a little kid even more.

“You ready for some homework?” Adora had already set up all her stuff and left a big spot for Catra. She seemed taken back.

“You still want me here?” _How was this surprising? Goodness._

 _“_ Uh… duh?” God, Adora was so used to being the oblivious one that she was actually kinda smug. 

It was a miracle any work got done. Adora was impressed with how productive Catra was. They stationed themselves at the table while Razz and Mara puttered in the background, filling the house with the familiar sounds and smells of cooking. The homework was much better than expected and Catra seemed to get a lot done, but all Adora could think about was keeping her hands to herself. She just wanted to touch Catra, like, anywhere. Was that bad? Predatory. Adora felt ashamed, but also...Catra was always trying to make contact right? She wished Catra would just reach out and do something _right now._ _Touch my shoulder dammit._

“I need a break” Catra huffed back in her chair. Adora had been stealing glances for the past ten minutes and she shot out of her seat.

“Yes, break! Um, what do you want to do?” Catra looked at her amusedly. “Uh...whatever you want to do? Maybe like, something outside for a sec?” 

Perfect. “Yes! Outside.Do you like catch?” _Was that too kiddy?_

Catra’s face lit - thank god - and she hopped up. 

“Totally bro!” She said in a sarcastic tone. She was so ridiculous. Adora laughed and chased her outside, where they just threw a football around for about fifteen minutes. Catra was a little rusty but she had a good arm. Adora filed it away to make conversation later. 

\-------------------

Dinner was incredible, like, professional incredible. Catra soon realized that she had no reason to be nervous about making a fool of herself - this family rivaled Scorpia’s in absolute hilarity, which was saying something. Totally absurd. Razz was such _character_ and a master chef to boot, and Catra all but confirmed her theory that Mara was, in fact, a goddess. After a brief bout of anxiety, Catra was too busy being fascinated by the family dynamic to care. It quickly became clear that having Razz and Mara under the same roof was like trying to incorporate experimental painting into an architectural draft - it was just ridiculous. Their minds worked in different ways and it drove Mara up a wall while Razz couldn’t be concerned. From what Catra could discerned, Mara was all about order and efficiency, while Razz used vague intuition, although she clearly had a calculating streak.They seemed to bicker in the process but eventually wound up at the exact destination. Both had a surprising flare for the dramatic. 

Adora was brimming with anxiety which was understandable - she was literally the butt of every family joke and story that came up, clearly some sort of effort to make Catra feel welcome. When she spilled her water, Mara launched into stories of the 4th grade Adora, which somehow ended with an account of falling in a river while pretending to be a frog. Catra doubted that Adora could blush any more until Razz turned to her and stated “ She has such pretty eyes, no wonder you talk about them so much.” Catra was unfortunately frazzled at that one too. Razz seemed oblivious and nibbled her salad, continued to make comments that blatantly implied she was well aware of what was going on. 

“So, where do you live Catra?” Mara was asking her. _In a gross house with an annoying mom_. “Near Plumeria district.” She answered, feeling dumb - every word she used felt strained and basic and she could feel Adora’s nervousness. 

“Aw, I love that area - the parks over there are awesome!” Mara was just trying to throw her a bone, but Catra really didn’t know how to do this small talk stuff. 

“Do you play any sports?” Catra shook her head but Adora piped up “She’s got a good arm though!” 

“ Uhh...I used to play little league baseball.” Catra could feel a blush, “And I ran track in middle school and freshman year.” She mumbled. This was a very athletic family and she was feeling sorta stupid again. 

“Oh! You have a favorite sport?” 

With out thinking Catra blurted out her all time favorite. 

“Tag.”

FUCK! _Catra are you serious?_

Adora erupted in laughter and Mara giggled, while Catra shrank.

“It’s okay dearie,” Razz said seriously, “ my babies still love tag too.” That shut them up pretty fast. _HAH._

It was impossible to be uncomfortable around the two older women. Mara was warm and welcoming, and seemed to pick up on the tension when Catra talked about her mom, it was nice to be around someone who had a complicated experience with a mother, to say the least. Razz seemed to have had a bagillion careers - a therapist, a veterinarian, private chef, a social worker...and despite her alternative way of understanding the world, she had an incredible skill for making sound decisions - like negotiating the sale of the cabin years ago when it went up on the market. Catra would have given anything to have someone this nurturing and interesting in her life. The food was so rich - another stew with spices Catra had never tasted before. It reminded her of Scorpia’s family but...exponentially much better. Sorry scorp. 

Razz was a bit spacey and inviting, occasionally piping up with a commentary that seemed clairvoyant at times.

“You are a strong one dearie - independent.” She said right after Catra finished talking about loving cats. _What the fuck_? Where did that come from? But Adora and Mara were already nodding in agreement.

“Oh - uh thanks?” 

They talked for 45 minutes around the table - Catra had never sat at a meal that long in her life - when Mara got up, sheepishly announcing that she had... _plans_. 

“Ooohhh” Adora said salaciously. “Is it a date??”

Mara rolled her eyes. 

“Silence squirt.” Catra cackled. 

Just as she left the room the doorbell rang. 

“I'll get it” Adora yelled mischievously, hissing “revenge!”

Catra had never seen someone move so fast. Mara was a blur of brown and blue and tackled Adora to the rug, ferociously whispering “don’t you dare Adora.” 

“As if you have any ground to speak on you’ve been embarrassing me this whole time!” Adora struggled free but Mara literally lifted her up over her shoulder like a professional wrestler.

“Swear to god Adora, do not fuck this up for me.” Adora rolled her eyes. Catra was in awe of this whole situation...Mara was so strong. Adora’s legs look so good. It was too much. 

“Wow adora, you just let her pick you up like that?” Catra couldn’t help but chime in. Mara’s eyes lit up while Adora glared at her with an expression that could only say _traitor!_

“Hah! No wonder you’re crazy about this girl!” Mara grinned. 

“Maraaaaaaaa.” Adora was reduced to a flaming red color and set down on the floor where she hung her head in embarrassment avoiding all eye contact. Catra grinned - it seemed like Adora also had a flair for drama as well. It seemed to shut her up enough for Mara to run to the door and usher in - _holy shit_ \- probably the most gorgeous woman Catra had ever laid eyes upon. The house was just a magnet for goddesses.

Catra couldn’t help but stare at the tall, graceful woman stepping into the living room, a radiant smile spread across her sharp features. She looked a bit out of place in her _very_ chic purple leather jacket over a white silk blouse. On her sleeve was a bright red patch that read “ _trans and proud_ ” and on the other side said “ _queer kids rule!_ ”. She had on some high waisted black jeans with boots to match. _Never_ had Catra seen someone pull off an undercut ponytail so well, _have mercy_. The white dye in her hair stood in sharp contrast to her light brown skin. She dipped down and kissed Mara gently on the lips. Mara immediately became a blob of gay hopelessness and stood there dumbly. 

She finally remembered where she was and looked up and cleared her throat, “Uh… Razz, Adora you remember Layla?” 

Razz beamed and Adora waved through her shame. Mara glared at Adora and jerked her head at Catra

“ Oh! Uh Layla, this is my...friend?...Catra?” Catra realized she had been staring this whole time and felt guilty - she knew that Layla got _a lot_ of stares as a very bold public trans figure and a striking woman, and the bigots of this world were really not ready for either. Catra heard about Layla because she once ran for a seat in the City Counsel with the ridiculous campaign name _“Light Of Hope : Reimagine Your City! ”_ Needless to say, the unimagininative residents of Etheria had a real lack of creativity and did _not_ elect her, but she got a surprising amount of support that she was able to chanel into the Queer Center where there was a youth group. Catra went a few times but the awkwardness was wayyyy more than she could hang with. 

Layla just smiled, then her face brightened - “I recognize you - Rogelio is your friend right? He showed me a picture of you!” _What?_

Catra blushed as Layla went on “You really helped him out...great supporting.” She winked at Adora now - “You've got good taste Adora.” Adora looked like she was about to run screaming from the scene while Mara just cackled and went to change, but not before Layla drawled out 

“Looks like this family does have a thing for bad girls.” and winked at Catra, who watched Mara and Adora blanch and turn their faces. Adora went to go hide in the bathroom while Mara changed.

“We’re not...uh...um...” Layla interrupted Catra with a “suuuurre surre” and another wink. _Ooof_. 

Razz spoke up, “Layla, she is very good. Very good to my Mara. And...to me!” She spoke earnestly to Catra with a twinkle in her eyes. “She gave me tickets to my favorite singer last year and the symphony was...ASTOUNDING.” 

“Ahem, Razz, it was actually a concert -”

“SYMPHONY!” Razz snapped, then turned to Catra and dramatically whispered, fluttering her hands around her head. 

“A symphony of...Beyoncé.” 

Her eyes sparked as if Beyoncé herself had joined them at dinner.

Catra nearly choked on her water. This just got better and better.

She sat and listened to Layla ask Razz for advice on working with youth as a social worker. Mara soon returned, in a blue button down, fancy jeans and cowboy boots and dreamily slung her arms around Layla’s shoulders. Adora emerged from the bathroom, probably sensing safety from Mara’s teasing. After saying goodbyes, Catra watched the couple of glorious extremely hot goddess ladies exit and Adora breathed a sigh of relief, still avoiding eye contact. Catra felt like she was glowing. _What a night._

“Pie time!” Razz chirped after a moment. 

The three of them cleared up the dishes while Razz hummed some of Destiny’s Child’s hits and Adora eased up. 

“Granny’s got some good taste Princess.” 

Adora just chuckled. 

\-------

Stay.

I want her to stay. Please stay. 

Stop being weird. 

Adora took a deep breath. They had finished pie after playing a little more indoor catch, and now they were trying to tackle a little more work before… what? What were they going to do? Go out to a party? Adora didn’t want to go out, she wanted to stay right here and have Catra by her side. No sharing. Bow had been texting about maybe going out, but Glimmer and Adora were still in a standoff so that was a no go, besides, she was not about to pass up this moment. But did Catra have plans with other people?

“What are you looking at?” Ope, Adora was caught in her daydreaming as she watched Catra’s hands. 

“Uh...nothing. I think I’m to out of it for this chemistry - I’m so dead.” Catra nodded in agreement. “Yeah, me too.” 

They sat quietly for a moment. _Stay stay stay._ “Um, well what do you want to do now? You can leave if you have plans…” she trailed off. Catra just watched. 

“I don’t. Other than going home.” 

“Oh! Oh me neither - I mean, I’m already home so yeah, but I was thinking of watching a movie maybe? Do you want to…?” Catra just shrugged nonchalantly 

“Sure.” Oh, well, that wasn’t really the reaction she was seeking - she really wanted Catra to jump for joy and leap on Adora, which was perhaps a tall order. But _some_ enthusiasm would be nice.

What does Catra watch? _Shit, don’t be horror._ Adora did _not_ do scary, a fact that surprised no one, especially after Glimmer’s 13th birthday party. They watched some slasher film - so low budget that everyone else laughed through the entirety - but Adora didn’t get a wink of sleep that night out of complete terror, and of _course_ Glimmer’s family own five cats. SO many night time sounds. 

“What do you like to watch?” Razz had all but thrown more pie at them as Adora guided Catra towards the couch. Catra was clearly distracted by the instruments on the wall and was being quiet, almost alarmingly so. It made Adora uneasy, like she had trapped Catra here like some sort of gay weirdo. The dinner taunting had been heavy handed and embarrassing - probably to make Catra laugh, but was it too much? Did it scare Catra away? Did she hate her family now? Did it ruin the chance of a relationship - no, _friendship_ \- developing. _Stupid Mara._

“Oh! Um… anything. Well, not romcom. No inspirational sports either.” Catra cracked a wide smile. “What about….horror?” _SHIT._

“Oh...uh sure?” Catra threw her head back and laughed.

“Liar! It's fine, I’m just messing with you...I don't think you could handle it princess.” Adora bristled but she was _not_ about to take this bait. Sleep was too important. 

“I like animation though, do you?” Catra finished, her eyes lighting up. Thank god.

“Yeah! Yeah definitely. Um...what do you like? Pixar? Disney? Uhh -”

Catra’s face was scrunched in confusion, trying to remember something “There’s a show I just started watching...umm... _Wonderful Beasts?”_

It was Adora’s turn to laugh. “ You’re probably thinking of _Kipo : Age of the Wonderbeasts?”_

 _“_ Yeah _!_ You know it? _”_ Catra was blushing. 

“Totally, I won’t spoil it for you, I’ve seen it.” 

“Oh, I mean we don’t need to watch it again -”

“No, I'd love to - I really like it.” She did. She also wanted to see it again because the first time she watched it, Glimmer talked through the _entire_ thing with commentary. Glimmer _really loved_ that show and had an uncanny obsession with it. She had watched it four times in a row, going so far as to learn some of the songs on guitar and create Kipo-inspired outfits. 

After arguing a bit more, Adora just put her foot down and Catra acquiesced. Adora tossed all the cushy pillows and blankets while Catra had a brief argument with her mom about her curfew. She had until midnight. “She always falls asleep though, so if I get home later it’s fine.” 

“I bet you take advantage of that all the time.” Adora goaded. She was also nervous that Catra _did_ , thus making Adora more and more of a rule-abiding dweeb.

“Hah! All the time.” Catra winked, and Adora’s face must’ve betrayed her self-consciousness because she tacked on “and by all the time I mean...hardly ever. And it’s usually just to go hang out with Lonnie or Scorpia and eat ice cream or...weave.” She wiggled her eyebrows and Adora giggled. Adora offered Catra some sweatpants as an alternative for jeans. Catra denied them until admitting that she was, in fact extremely uncomfortable, and changed into Adora’s. She looked comfy, if not a bit embarrassed as she returned to the couch.

To Adora’s dismay, Catra sat at the opposite end of the couch, curling up in a ball and throwing a blanket over herself. _Bummer. No cuddles._ Adora hit play and the screen swept them into the show. That opening sequence always did it for Adora and soon she was immersed - there was Kipo, singing a long - Adora started to mouth the words until she heard a giggle and Catra’s foot kicked her in the side.

“Hey!” 

“Her yourself princess! What the hell are you doing over there!” 

Adora turned on her with irritation, “ Watching a movie, what about you?!” 

Catra rolled her eyes. “It’s a _show_ first of all, and what do you think I’m doing?!” Adora finally took her body position in - yes, she was still curled next to the armrest, but the arm closest to Adora was up in the air, an invitation for Adora to...move closer. 

“Uh...you want me...to?” 

“YES idiot!” she glared. “Unless you don’t want to, that is.” She said a little softer, looking a bit nervous. “No pressure.” She finished in a small voice.

Adora felt stupid all over again. It was just like that day in class where she thought Catra was leaving without a goodbye, only to wait for her expectantly at the door. Why did she always feel like Catra was going to reject her? _I gotta stop second guessing._ Well, _third_ guessing. Adora cautiously crawled over and sat bolt upright next to Catra keeping her hands on her lap. 

“Idiot.” She grumbled and then yanked Adora over so their sides were pressed together. Catra grabbed Adora’s chin and angled her head so they were making eye contact and a million butterflies took off in her stomach.

“See? We’re here, and it would be super comfy if you stopped clenching your entire body and relaxed.” 

Adora’s brain was short circuiting. The chin holding was unbelievably distracting, and all she could think about was Catra’s eyes, her nose, her freckles, her mouth - her entire face was so damn close and so beautiful. She could even feel the breath on her cheeks.

“I...have trouble...with that.” 

“Relaxing? I noticed princess,” she said softly. _Oh shit were they about to kiss? Ohhhhhh…_

“Just loosen your shoulders or shake it out -” .. _those eyes_ … “pretend you’re in a hot tub or some shit, I dunno.” Thoughts of being in a hot tub with Catra flashed before her eyes and no, it did nothing to relax her. Was she doing this on purpose? All too soon Catra released her chin with a sigh and shifted around to get comfortable, turning her head back to the movie. Adora reluctantly turned back too and valiantly tried to relax. She let Catra push her up, extend her legs and lean against the armrest, and pull Adora back down so she was lounging against Catra’s body, sort of sitting between her legs. Hell, if she would ever calm down after this. 

But gradually, she started to loosen up, melting into Catra a bit more. In response, Catra’s arms looped around her neck, pulling Adora tighter down into her torso, her smell surrounding her. _WOW_. Was this even allowed? Is this how you do this stuff? She didn’t even comprehend the show. She just leaned further and further, feeling Catra hold her, noticing that despite her nonchalance, Catra’s heart was racing as well. A few fingers gently smoothed over the back of Adora’s neck, tracing along her hairline sending shivers down her spine. Whenever she glanced up, Catra’s attention was fixated on the screen, her enthusasic reactions clear as day. It was a contrast to the soft touches and snuggles that Adora felt - a gentle squeeze and pull, a breath so close to her ear that it tickled, Catra’s cheek pressing into the back of her head. No one had EVER done this to her...it was absolutely intoxicating and a bit terrifying - her heart jumped at every new sensation. She closed her eyes and settled back. More fingers fluttered over her neck, this time both hands. She felt a hand tracing along the shell of her hear. “Is this okay?” Catra whispered nervously. Adora just smiled and nodded, her back pressed against Catra’s front. 

“It’s great.” A rumble of agreement passed through Catra’s chest. She shifted her arm and moved to cradle Adora’s flaming cheek, her hand steadying as she extended a trembling thumb and stroked Adora the skin beneath Adora’s eye. Both of them seemed to tense and relax at once. Catra continued to smooth her thumb along her face, but didn’t move much further. Adora felt frozen, if she moved everything would stop and Catra would be creeped out, which was silly, but she needed baby steps. It was already a big change: to talk openly about feelings, to admit queer crushes and shame, to be held like this, to trust and enjoy another body next to hers. It was amazing as it was a little scary, overwhelming. What if she messed it all up?

She didn’t know that she was allowed to feel this type of good, this type of excitement. So she just let it happen, basking in the gentleness of Catra’s hands, pressed into her chest, Catra’s legs squeezing hers ever so often when something exciting happened.

She nestled in closer, heart thumping as Catra held her a little tighter each moment.

For the first time in a long time she was enjoying the present moment.

  
  



End file.
